Going Gray | My Hot Mess

I'mma give it to you straight folks ... I've been seeing gray strands of "glitter" in my hair since I was 16/17 years old. Guys ... I was so embarrassed of my strands. Friends would comment on it all the time and finally, I got fed up and took one of my mom's boxed hair dyes and dyed my hair.

And I have been dying my hair ever since.

My typical "chair" pose for when I'd visit the salons. But I didn't always go to the salons. In fact, I didn't start going to actual salons until I was in the Army and had the money to actually pay for it. But even then, I still fell back on boxed hair dye.

To me, nothing is wrong with that. I grew up watching my mother dye her hair and many of my aunts dyed their hair. (I have a lot ... of aunts due to big families on both parents' sides.) It was natural to me - to do the unnatural thing and dye my hair.

Hair dye in the box ... store bought costs anything from $4 to what ... $10? If you just went to a normal store like Target or Walmart. I was too nervous to buy the real dye at Sally's or Ulta. Plus, who had money for that?!

It was easy, I could do it in the privacy of my home and no one knew the same. Unless I went too long between dyes and some arrogant boy (I say boy, because it was mostly them pointing out my flaws) would ask, "You graying, Shari?"

**Insert eye roll**


I would soon grow to call my grays "glitter" until one day (much into my 20s) a guy I went to college with said, "Eh, it shows your wisdom."

So, they became my wisdom glitter.

But I was still ashamed of them. I don't know if it was the fact that society associates gray hair to being or becoming "old" or what. My mom always dyed her hair. I had friends who dyed there hair for fun. I didn't think anything was wrong with it. I still don't. I feel like it's your hair and you can do what ever you want to it and not care what others think.

But that's easier said than done. Right? I mean, it's hard to be confident in your own scalp when there's always someone saying,

"Your graying already?"
"How old ARE you?"
"Haven't had the chance to dye your grays yet?"
"You're getting older, aren't you?"
"You're too young to have that much gray."
"Wait, is that gray in your hair?"

Guys ... I've heard all that. And more but I painfully blocked most comments from my brain. Did it hurt to hear that? Yeah, it did. Why? Because most came from close friends or coworkers. People you'd think would like/love ya no matter what.

My hair has been dyed so many colors I don't even remember what my natural color is!

 

I've been light brown, dark brown, black and mostly red. I've had blonde highlights (to hide the gray), purple, bayalage highlights. You name it, I've been it ... except really blonde. Didn't have the gumption to bleach my hair all the way. (I had a picture made with my face in the 'I dream of Jeannie' booth in Vegas. Her blonde hair didn't look good on my 12/13 year old face, and both mom and I decided blonde was not for me.)

I blamed Army life stress, my ridiculous kids, stupid hormones, horrible genetics.... my love for cookies ... for going gray so fast.

My husband would always joke that I should let my hair go and become his "silver fox." I'd giggle and brush it aside.

Well. No more.

This picture was of my long, red hair just before my third child was born. You can't really see the "skunk" roots on top, but I had a shit ton because I didn't want to dye my hair while pregnant. For my maternity picture, (the day prior) I used Photoshop to get rid of the roots.

I started to dig the roots... and decided that when I had the baby I'd schedule with my hairdresser and remove the red. And MAYBE keep my roots.

Maybe.



Under the heat lamp I went. I was at the salon for 5 hours getting the red I had had for years out of my hair. I was there FOREVER.

But, I chickened out of keeping my roots. we decided to go with a more ashy brown with highlights ... to blend the grey when they'd come back.

Mom said this was the closest to my natural hair color and loved it on me.

What do you think? ;) Pretty darn close ... minus the bayalage highlights.

But, just like clockwork, 3 weeks into my new color and this started to happen.

Started to look like Rogue from the Xmen again. (I get my grays in stripes it seems. A few of my friends always complimented me when I'd show my streaks. And I thank them for that now because before I'd just shrug them off. With out those compliments ... I wouldn't have been able to do this...)

I finally had the courage to say, "Let's do it." To my hairdresser and 8 hours later ... he striped all my color (or at least most of it), and gave me some ashy undertones. He told me that on top of my head I was 100% gray. But the underneath didn't get the message and said about 60% gray. So he blended and did his wizardry and viola!

I was so nervous going home.

What if my husband didn't like it? I knew he'd never tell me. What if my kids thought I looked ridiculous? What if I didn't like it?!

And to be honest, it took a while. Every time I looked in the mirror, I saw an old lady. Guys, I'm only 33! I didn't share that above picture on social media for FOUR days! I shared with my best friend via text and with a few of my workout buddies (because well, it's hard to share when you seem them every other day). But that was it. I was so scared of what people would say.

But you know what? I haven't had a bad comment yet and it's been a month and a half. (well, at least to my face). 

I was spending $100-$160 every 4-6 weeks (if I pushed it) and why? To please how other people thought of me. Yes, dying my hair made me feel better too but really, it was for society. I feel so free right now. My roots are showing and are about 2.5 inches long. Like.... what?! LOL I would have NEVER had that much. I mean shit, I purchased colored hair spray for my BFF's wedding while I was pregnant because I couldn't deal with the gray roots.

Now, I'm not going to lie. Striping my hair damaged my hair fairly good. I'm struggling to repair it BUT I have had help along the way. This movement of "Going Grey Gracefully" and "Gray and Proud" has given me sooooo much support to continue on my journey. These ladies are doing it  naturally and I commend them! They are so strong, brave and inspirational.

I want to share my journey with you to hopefully help you decide your hair path. I'll admit, going gray isn't for everyone. Believe me, I know. And I'm in no way knocking all my gray sisters who dye their hair still. But I will tell ya, I feel so free right now. I will only see my hair dresser now for trims and even though I like the guy and appreciate his talent ... I don't like giving him ALL my money. hahaha!

So this is my journey and I hope you guys stick around to see where it leads. And hopefully helps you in your decision on GOING GRAY.