I'm happy. I really, truly am.
BUT --
It has been a while since I've really, truly FELT happy.
I've had many moments throughout these past few months after the move that I've felt happiness.
I've made friends, no one super close, but we haven't even been here a year yet - so I'm good with what I have thus far. I work out with them, I hang out with them, the kids enjoy each other; so they're friends for sure.
The house has been fine, nothing perfect, but nothing horrible. The pictures are hung and they make me smile as I move from room to room. The dogs have claimed their shaded spots in the yard, and even the cat had been more friendly.
My husband's job is stressful, but fulfilling. He has made a relationship with his coworkers and he's part of the Team RWB softball team. -- which I have become heavily affiliated with. I'm the community engagement director (community service) for our city's group.
The boys enjoy horseback riding, golf and tumbling. School is hectic, and well ... to be honest, that hasn't brought me any kind of happiness, BUT my eldest has made friends there.
My business is going. Nothing spectacular but again, I've only been in business here 9 months ... what do you expect.
We are expecting baby #3 in the Fall and we couldn't be any more excited. Will it be another crazy boy or will we get to buy bows and ribbons??
So, on the outside, everything seems to be falling into place. I SHOULD be happy. I SHOULD know where my happy is.
But guys, I don't know where I put it. I've lost it somewhere between the move, school trouble, family stress, personal doubt, and of course - appearing to have it all together. FYI - I don't.
I thought yoga was my start to finding my happy again, and it a way, it has. However, my free place to practice has now changed to a place 45 mins away (an hour with traffic) and once you get there, parking is a bitch and by the time I get to yoga - I'm so stressed out, that the session is just a bust. I haven't been in about a month and a half. Why don't I do it at home? Psh.... you try finding your happy with a 3 year old running around!
I've also really dug into essential oils. I've relying heavily on lavender to calm me and others to purify my home. I joke that I need a practicing Wiccan (or a priest) to come purify my home ... but I think there is some sense of truth behind my jokes. I had a friend volunteer to "smudge" my home. I need to hit her up and have her do that ASAP.
I have even looked into the healing "powers" of stones/gems. Guys ... I'm not a hippie-dippie person. I'm not. And when yogi's start chanting and bringing out the drums ... I start to giggle. But guys, I'm willing to try anything to find my happy again.
A friend (check her out HERE) started making lava rock/bead bracelets that you can drop essential oils on and what not. Not only are they gorgeous but she also took a suggestion of mine and used howlite beads (for anxiety and calmness) and of course, chakra beads! ... I'm wearing the shit outta her bracelets. I think I'm going to buy up all her stock ... every other day I'm asking her for another sized bracelet! I got three for me, one for my eldest and one for my husband.
Dammit, we are going to find our happy.
I don't believe I'm in a depressed state of mind, I think its just the stress of raising a defiant child, chasing a toddler, growing a baby, loving a husband ... and still making dinner. I mean, I guess every one still has to eat! ;)
Like I said, there have been moments of joy and happiness, but for some reason, it doesn't stick around. I need that sucker to stop disappearing on me! Where'd I put that super glue?
How do you find your happy? How do you keep it?
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