A Child's Worth is Challenged | Raising the Boys

So I’m going to confess something … I really don’t WANT to because I know I’ll get some backlash on this. Whether the backlash is said in public, behind a computer screen, or mumbled under your breath.

BUT

I feel like I NEED to confess this.

My eldest … my behavioral challenged son,  got suspended from school the other day because he brought a knife to school.

And not just a pocket knife, but a military grade knife.

Why you ask?

Because – and this is in his own words – he wanted to prove his worth to another child.

Yeah.

So --- This post is going to hit on three things here: the importance of teaching weapon safety, the importance to know a military child versus a civilian child, and child self esteem.

ONE – Obviously we agree with the school and the punishment and all that shit. I mean, I get it. It was a dumb thing my son did and luckily no one got hurt. And blah blah blah. I get it. To further his punishment, I made him write an essay on the importance of weapon safety and why we don’t bring weapons to school. He honestly didn’t think what he was doing was a bad choice. He just wanted to show off the knife. In the end, he cut himself. Not horribly, but he actually hurt himself in the process. So, really – he taught himself the importance of weapon safety.  He will read his essay to the princpals and his teacher – hopefully in front of the class so that he gets some “public shaming” peer-to-peer learning as well.

TWO – This leads me to the whole military child versus a civilian child. He brought to school a military grade knife. Not your typical Swiss Army Knife, but a knife that is longer than 6 inches and could do a lot of damage. If it had been about a half inch larger, he would have been expelled.

I get it. He shouldn’t have done this. I do, I really, truly understand why he was punished and that he F’d up. BUT – now hear me out, he’s the child of two military parents, two military grandparents, and 4 military great grandparents. It’s in his genes to not be normal when it comes to weapons.

Military child know about war. The hazards, the victims, the reason, and the allure. They make anything into guns, anything into knives, and anything becomes a bad guy versus good guy. Because that’s whats ingrained into their brains from birth. ESPECIALLY the military child of today. We have been at war for their entire lives. The chance of them having a parent or other family member at war is super ridiculous – even know the toll of multiple deployments. Face it civilian world, when a military child does anything – they’re going to do it to the fullest of MILITARY. So of course the kid he wanted to show off to had a smaller knife … he doesn’t have access to military grade knives! My child wanted to prove something and he did, “My knife is bigger (and cooler) than yours.”

THREE – Which brings me to conclude with a child’s self-esteem.  After our initial shock/anger of our sweet, 10 year old child bringing a weapon to school, things calmed down and I asked him why he did it. He shook his head and looked down at the ground. He had gotten caught with a knife that another student (rightfully so) told the teacher about and my son was going to be in really big trouble.

He eventually narc’d out another child who had brought a knife to school that day too – a child that my son seems to get into trouble with all the time. Who’s the bad influence here? I’m going to say the other child … because, well, I’m defending my child. LOL but that’s not the point. The point is, my son got teary-eyed and said, “[Child’s name] told me I meant nothing to him.”

Ouch.

I know right? My son continued to explain that this child is sometimes nice to him but most of the time he’s mean. I asked why he hangs out with this child then, and he shrugged his shoulders. Obviously, this child has some sort of power over my son, that my son will pretty much do anything for him. And I can relate.

Growing up, I had a “friend” who I would have done anything for just to get her to notice me or show my value to her. I get it. Friends are everything at this age. Children value their peer’s praise. They set their own worth on how others see them. And I don’t know how to fix that. I’ve, on multiple occasions, told my son how much he’s worth and the only person who can decide his worth is HIM.

But it’s not that easy is it?

How can we help our children see their worth? Our children are losing a battle right now. Society is changing so quickly and value/worth is seen through interaction with others  - and that is skewed because interaction with others sit behind computer screens now.  Children are committing suicide due to cyber-bullying. I mean, what the hell is wrong with our society right now?

Even though my son’s interaction with this other child was face to face and not over the internet, it was still very potent. Someone telling him he was nothing set into motion a series of events that lead to poor decisions on my son’s part. Luckily, no one was injured and hopefully we have taught him a lesson. But how dare that child say that.

And where do you think that child learned that? I’m not insinuating anything, but apparently, we (as parents/guardians) need to be better mentors to our children. They hear everything. They will mimic what they see. Be kind people … be kind.

And lock up your knives.