Momma's Stressed Out Folks | My Hot Mess

Guys,

What the hell ...

Why are my kids so crazy right now?!

I just need a second to collect my thoughts as the pork chops cook in the slow cooker. 

That's it.

Just a few moments PUH-LEASE.

These past few days have been super stressful.

Why?

Not a damn clue.

Cute and funny memes aside, I truly am stressed and anxious and physically drained. Probably mentally too ... but I can't let my brain win. The second I allow that, I'm done for.

My 9 year old and 3 year old will tear me to pieces if I fall into a depression.

Many people have told me to slow down. Stop doing so much. Sounds easy enough ...

But I can't.

I seriously can't just stop doing what I do. I like to stay busy. When I'm not busy, I worry that I'm forgetting something. If I'm doing nothing, I get VERY anxious. And an anxious stressed out mom would be bad for everyone....

I find myself asking questions like, "why can't the kids just listen?" "Why does the traffic happen right when I'm running late?" "Why do I run in a group, when the group's faster than me?" "Why even bother going to this event, I know it's going to be a bust." "Why can't everyone else be on MY schedule?"

When the real question is, "Why can't I control my inner voice?"

It's no one's fault that I try to fit in as much as possible in as little time possible. It's not my toddler's fault (even though I really want it to be) when he can't control his sweet little toddler patience with me anymore because we've hit five different events within a 3 hour timeframe. It's not my husband's fault that he can't get off of work every time I need a "me" moment. It's not my eldest's fault that he can't sit still and be quiet long enough for me to control my own anxiousness waiting on yet another doctor's appointment. It's no one's fault. 

I can even say it's not my own fault. Which is a sigh in relief to me as well. I'm just a busy body and need to be able to go go go! But I can say it is a tad - a very slight tad - I mean the smallest of smallest tad bit - my fault. LOL, that's why I've begun to work on it. 

Work on the stress, the anxiousness, the busy-ness, the ME in "WE need to get out of the house."

Oh wait, there's not ME in that .... you caught that right? ;)

I asked a close friend about her yoga practice. She appears to be happy. Appears to be stress free. Appears to know what she is talking about. When I finally remembered to call her to ask her about her practice, you know what she told me?

To breathe.

That's it. 

Just breathe.

She explained that the oxygen flow to the brain will do wonders with stress and anxiousness. I giggled to myself. 

I breathe every day. But yet, here I am, calling here and asking her for advice.

She explained about breath and meditation and how that alone would do wonders. The practice of yoga encompasses all of that, so might as well start at the beginning right?

And you know what?

She was right. 

I began taking 5 minutes, right before bed, to take in deep breaths and exhaling them. Concentrating on each breath, I cleared (or at least tried to) my thoughts from the day and began to relax. The least this was doing was helping me fall asleep faster.

I also began going to a free yoga class that is being offered on our army post. Um, heck yeah right? I'm beginning to enjoy the time alone, to be in the moment and just chill. Thankfully, I have a supportive husband who didn't hesitate to tell me to go as he wrestles the kids to bed. And I love him for that.

Guys. 

Just breathe.

I know you wanna just punt the kid across the store when he collapses into one of his tantrums ... but just BREATHE.

This too shall pass.

I highly recommend meditation ... or BREATHING. I really, truly do. I thought that kind shit was just for hippies. But if you think about it, how are hippies? They're happy. They roll with the punches. And they appear to be stress free --- unless fighting for the rights of humanity! ;)

I love all of ya, hippies and all!

Good Luck!

Check out my yogi-friend's blog about her practice and everything else in her life HERE!

In a Funk | Girl Boss

Guys, I'm in a funk.

I'm sure y'all noticed that not many posts have been showing up in your emails (if you follow me).

It's because I've ran out of steam.

It happens to the best of us; I mean, hello?! I'm telling y'all that I RAN OUT OF STEAM. ;)

I kid ... but in all honesty. I have.

Moving the business was fairly simple. Getting business, surprisingly was fairly easy.

But I'm still in a funk.

I think it's the fact that I'm away from my other photographer, creative friends and really haven't found "my people" here in Texas just yet.

I love my clients so much, and all the new faces I have met. But I need to get creative and also tag along with other creatives to get my steam back.

I have been going to many MANY artist galleries and festivals and what not, but I have yet to find "my people." All creatives know how competitive our art is. And because it's so diversified as in who likes what and what appeals to others, it can be very difficult to find a person, let alone a group, that can get all together - with no competitiveness - and enjoy each other's company while getting creative.

I also have been dragging my feet in the "freelance" area of my work. I have yet to contact the public newspaper, or the many city magazines around here.

Why?

I have no clue.

I was enjoying all the free time I had to work on ME - physically and mentally.

But I think I took too long on working on me - if there's such a thing - and now I need to find my motivation to be busy again.

What are some ways y'all got your motivation back? In anything. In business. In health. In family. In life?

As my picture says above, I am staying focused. I am still goal driven. I just need to get my "umph" back!

I'll keep y'all posted. As of right now, I have just finished my "to do" list and contacting newspaper and magazines are right on top.

So wish me luck and hope to hear how y'all got outta your funk.

Playground Sweat | 'Werkit Out' Wednesday

Today is the day to get 'werkin' out!!!!

Easier said then done, huh?

LOL

I have been trying to push myself harder in the workout groups I attend, but honestly, if it wasn't for them I wouldn't even be out there working out.

The best thing I could have done was found like-minded people to hold me accountable. Like, physically accountable.

I've had people check in on me here and there, but it's not the same as actually showing up to work out with someone who knows you're supposed to be there for them as well.

So, I thank Strolling Eagles with Team RWB and the No Excuse Mom work out group here in El Paso and Fort Bliss. I'm wishing I had moved on post though! I am on post literally everyday with these groups it seems.

Don't get me wrong, Fort Bliss is awesome. I mean shit, all my workout buddies are there! But it's a 20-30 minute drive from my place off post - depending on traffic and it's a real eater of time when it's an hour round trip. (plus a stop to Starbucks of course.)

If it's not a workout group having me on post, it's a son's doctor appointment or an activity on there.

Today, I had the opportunity to go over the mountain and workout with another group, but again that's another 20 minute drive. And frankly, I just didn't want to today.

I wasn't feeling it.

BUT

Never fear y'all, I still went outside with the toddler in the stroller, ran to the playground, worked out, and ran back. 4 miles down and 20 minute (ish) HIIT.

Yes, that's a giant scorpion in front of the playground ... who does that?!

My point?

Just get out there y'all. Working out with friends is always fun, but sometimes staying near home is even better. What ever floats your boat. Just get out there and move!

Plus, I will STILL be going on post today since they're having free yoga sessions! Maybe this whole staying off post thing was a bad idea? ;)

Here's my work out! (See below signature)

Enjoy!

Playground Workout HIIT:

1 minute exercise, 20 second rest in between exercise-- do twice, no equipment needed besides the playground and a bench/something to step on or sit on.

• Step ups, alternate legs
• Bench tricep dips
• Overhead arm claps
• Front, back, side leg lifts (right)
• Oblique standing crunch
• Front, back, side leg lifts (left)
• Elevated push ups (top part is elevated, not bottom)
• Oblique twist, knee up

Roll with the Punches | Wearing Stripes

If you've been in the military longer than a day, you've heard the term:

Hurry up and wait.

That's what the military is all about. You will always be ready, even if the military isn't. That's actually the point of the military.

To always be trained, just in case. 

You're ready for battle, even if there isn't a battle to be fought.

Grab all your shit and bring it to formation, yes, you still have an hour or so before you leave - but you will be there.

Oh, and if you're not 10 minutes early to that hour early formation, you're wrong.

You will always be early, to the early formation.

It's just how it is.

You've gotta roll with the punches. 

After 13 years, it's second nature now. I don't sigh, roll my eyes, ask questions to why we are ready so early. (or at least not out loud or visibly)

I have been let down by the military before, and it'll happen many more times.

Not everything is going to be the way I want it.

Being a Reserve soldier, rolling with the punches is my second MOS (job title). However, it's a tad more difficult because you're not a soldier 24/7, you've also got a civilian job that needs to roll with the punches too.

In my case? I have to plan my own business around military events like battle assemblies, training, and other admin things. So I have a tad more flexibility but it's still annoying when you're told to be at training or a school, and you plan everything dealing with that event - daycare, travel, packing, paperwork - to only find out one week prior to event date that your event paperwork wasn't even approved because it was sitting on someone's desk for 2 months.

Reason? Because of them assuming something and didn't ask to clarify.

Sigh.

I know. Roll with the punches.

October is my photography business's busiest month because of the holidays and everyone wanting to update their family photos for holiday cards. I blocked off two weeks of potential client sessions to go to this school. And now I'm not.

Yes, now I get to reopen those dates for potentially earning more clients, but how many clients did I lose because I wasn't available when they needed me to be?

You get it? 

It sucks. It really does. 

Not only did it affect my personal business, but it also affected my military career because now I have to potentially wait till the next year to attend school, pushing off my professionalism status even longer.

But, you've got to roll with the punches. 

I get to stay home with the family and do all the Fall activities I was going to miss. Pumpkin Patches, pumpkin carving, I have more time to make the halloween costumes, I get to enjoy the Texas Fall weather in the mountains and relax.

Deal with it.

I put my big girl panties on. Did you?

Rock on!

Get This Kid Off Me! | Raising the Boys

I'm not a first time mom, but I feel like I'm learning every single second of the day with my littlest. He is so different than my eldest AND he has me to himself all day long.

My eldest grew up in a daycare. 

I hate that term. 

But none-the-less, he did.

Both parents who were full-time soldiers, working 6am - 5pm (give or take), the kid had to be taken care of for those long hours Monday through Friday.

Can't just stay home alone.

Now, let me reiterate. He GREW up in a daycare, he wasn't RAISED by daycare. He was raised by his mother and father. He just happened to grow taller, talk better, and socialize at daycare for almost 7 years.

So full time moms and dads - don't let anyone say someone, or some institute RAISED your child(ren), you did. No one else. 

You just had a little help.

Side note: When I made the decision to not be a full time soldier anymore, I had my commander AND my first sergeant say, and I quote, "Good to hear, your son shouldn't be raised by strangers." I was so dumbfounded that both of my leaders would say something like that to a young soldier who really didn't want to give up her career. How dare they say, a) I would leave my child with STRANGERS -- uh no, I actually checked out the daycare and vetted the staff very closely to take care of my little bundle of joy; and b) that they assumed that I don't RAISE my child, but relied on someone else to. Uh - again, he was there at daycare all day, but I still fed him, bathed him, taught him his ABCs, taught him to potty, taught him right from wrong, spent all morning and evenings loving him and weekends were a blast. So don't you dare let anyone say that daycare RAISED you or your child. END VENT

Back to my actual post topic:

I never really had an issue dropping my eldest off at daycare or at someone's house for few hours , because face it, he was used to it. 

"Oh mom has to go to work. See you soon Mom."

My littlest - this is a different story.

I'm proud to say I have a momma's boy.

I'm not proud to say that he may be my favorite.

Oh come on - I know, no parent is supposed to have a favorite. I know. But I know you do. ;) Listen, I'm not going to be his buddy for long, he won't cuddle me, or kiss me, or hug me much longer. So I'm holding onto this as much as possible. As soon as he gets his preteen attitude, he will no longer be my favorite. (PS, My eldest was my favorite at three years old too. So don't go looking down on me or saying I'm a horrible mother for having favorites.)

 Listen, I KNOW you have a kid or two that you enjoy just hanging out with because they don't argue or make annoying sounds or whatever. LOL PLUS, when my toddler is having a tantrum ... he is no longer my favorite. So there.

In NC, before we moved to TX, my littlest was really good at being left at an hourly daycare. I do think it helped that his brother was there too. Even if he had to go to our daily daycare, at least he knew his brother was in the big kids room.

Well, here - my littlest is a nightmare to leave at a daycare near my home. He immediately says he doesn't want to go to "school." But he follows me into the building. I sign him in, he's busy grabbing everything off the counter, I pay the daycare ... and then grab his hand to walk him to the room. 

This is when all hell breaks loose.

He screams, he cries, he toddlers (lets his legs go loose and I end up dragging him). Usually the teacher is reading a book or singing to the kids ... she has to get up (interrupting learning) to come grab my littlest from my arms. I give a quick kiss and tell him I'll be back soon.

As I walk out the building, I can hear his screams echoing down the hall.

I feel bad. I do. But I know it has to happen. He will be starting real school soon and he needs to separated from me. He needs to know he can survive in someone else's care and I'll always come back.

I called my friend back in NC and almost cried on the phone explaining to her the situation. She listened and then she explained her experiences. And said, "kiss him, say you'll be back, and go." She said, he'll more than likely stop crying within 10 minutes and be just fine. And I know this is true because when I go to pick him up, he doesn't want to leave. But man, that stinker had me in tears that morning feeling bad for him.

Lately, he still says he doesn't want to go to school, I mean, who does? But he looks up at me with those big gorgeous blue/green eyes and says, "I'm not gonna cry momma. Imma big boy."

He's learning. He's socializing. And I get to breath without a toddler crawling all over me. I get to sit here and blog, edit my photos, workout, and house clean. I mean, I can do that with him here too, but there's always an interruption - a tv channel change, a snack needed, a "get outta the office kid, you're making a mess." LOL

And it's a great feeling to see his face lighten up when he comes in through the house door with daddy and exclaims, "mommy!" 

And I get the biggest bear hug a 3 foot toddler can give.

Good luck y'all, it gets easier. And remember, each child is different. Take each day at a time. What happened yesterday, may not happen today. Good or bad. You've got this!

Finding Time to be "Us" | Loving Him

Face it.

Y'all don't get the "We" time that y'all deserve. Right?

There's children that need attending to and GASP! Fed....

There's animals that need the cuddles and pets they deserve.

There's bills that need to be paid, floors that need swept, cars that need fixing, food that needs to be bought, walls that need painting ... I mean, I could go on for days about all the stuff that is needed to be maintained when you're married or cohabiting.

But you know the one that thing that mostly gets overlooked?

Yeah. The reason WHY you're living together.

You actually LIKE each other.

You enjoy each other's company, you love cuddling up, you love being "US."

So how come many couples forget to take a breather and focus on something for just them?

I know I'm guilty.

We get so focused on life, we forget to live it.

My husband and I haven't had a "date night" in what seems like forever. We've just moved to a new city, so we don't have a babysitter that will take on our children - that we trust. So, a night out really isn't in the cards right now.

 BUT

• We have figured out a way to still have us time once the kids are asleep.
• We've purchased adult coloring books ... and colored together with a bottle of wine next to us.
• We've answered silly questions about each other in a silly couple's book I bought from the store.
• We've cuddled on the couch and watched a grown up film that doesn't involve cartoon characters.
• We've baked cookies together.
• We've also sat outside and watched the lightening.
• We even run races together... 

I mean, there's so much to do to with your partner, even if you don't have the money to go out, the babysitter, the time ... ect. You have to make it happen.

Because face it, this is the reason why you have the life you have.

To be together. 

Make the most of it.

So if you'll excuse me, I need to go figure out how to put a screaming toddler into his night pamper so that this movie date on the couch will actually happen!

Good luck y'all!