My Boy is a Mess, Literally | Raising the Boys

Guys, I know - I know... another post about the boys? 

Well YEAH.

When you have two boys and they pretty much consume your entire life ... most of my chaotic life is about them.

So suck it up.

I wanna talk about cleaning rooms. 

Who else has a fight with their child overtime it's "cleaning day?"

Yeah, we have a cleaning day because of all the fights we get into. Like, if it's not scheduled, all hell breaks loose. Like, it still does, but it's more like Hiroshima chaos instead of my life is over chaos.

Is there a difference? 

I suppose not, but at least I can use the argument, "You know it's Sunday and it's CLEANING DAY."

Guys, my eldest ... he could live in a pig-stye and not mind it one bit.

Not ONE bit.

Like, he will bitch and moan all day about cleaning his room ... eventually it'll get done -- like 5 days later, but it's somewhat picked up. I can at least see the floor.

Give him 5 minutes of "play time" and the room is wrecked again. I don't get it.

I'm not OCD in like everything has to be perfect ... I'm not super germaphobic, but I don't like clutter and there does come a point where I'll look at the kitchen sink and be like, "What in the F? This place is a disaster and we need to clean."

I have him do his own laundry because I'm tired of doing loads upon loads every weekend. He complains about folding the clothes. I told him to hang his clothes then ... NOPE. Where do they end up?

On the Ground.

Next to the dirty clothes ...

Then guess what? Now we don't know what's clean or dirty.

What in the actual hell?!

Also, his idea of cleaning is pushing all the crap/toys/paper/whatever to the corners of the room. Because, "mom, you can see the floor."

OH EM GEE.

Boy! This is not clean! it smells in here and if you were to vacuum right now, all your tiny legos would be sucked up. GET THIS ROOM CLEAN!

Now before y'all start offering up ideas on how to make this process simpler ... lemme tell you what we have tried:

1) A timer - we set a time limit for him to clean. If he completes it in time (properly) he gets a reward (extra outside time, a date night ...ect.) If he doesn't, okay that's fine we will continue on our day but he will not get any rewards or normal play time until it is cleaned.

2) A picture board - I actually took an hour and half and cleaned his room with him explaining exactly how I want it to look. I took pictures of everything. We made a chart that stated "This is how my room looks clean." So this is more of a visual cue of what a clean room looks like.

3) Saying "F - it" as long the toys are in the toy box and the clothes are hung, and I can see the floor -- it's clean. All he had to do was throw toys (unorganized) into boxes off the floor and hang his clothes. Oh, and ensure his bed is made (comforter neat with pillows piled nicely). That's IT!

4) Taking all his stuff away - He's complained that he has too much of a mess (meaning too much stuff), so I took everything away. All he had was his bed and clothes. But somehow, even THEN his room would be full of paper trash and the clothes all over the place. He could care less that he had no toys.

5) Forgetting about the mess - The therapist told us to "ignore the mess." Uh ... okay. So I just closed the door to his room. Two months later the mess was so unbearable, I went in and cleaned the shit up. So what did that teach him? If I wait long enough, mom will do it for me.

6) Threatened his life ... no not really ... but sorta. It just doesn't work. I don't ask for much. I just want it to be tidy. I wasn't a super clean child either and I remember arguing with my parents about my room ... but I cleaned it when told to do so. I just don't get it.

So after all that ... you guys have any other suggestions? I may or may not listen because frankly ... I've given up. I throw in the towel. I will forever be cleaning up after him and his spouse in the far future will be doing the same thing.

Poor poor soul.

Good luck out there peeps!

A Child's Worth is Challenged | Raising the Boys

So I’m going to confess something … I really don’t WANT to because I know I’ll get some backlash on this. Whether the backlash is said in public, behind a computer screen, or mumbled under your breath.

BUT

I feel like I NEED to confess this.

My eldest … my behavioral challenged son,  got suspended from school the other day because he brought a knife to school.

And not just a pocket knife, but a military grade knife.

Why you ask?

Because – and this is in his own words – he wanted to prove his worth to another child.

Yeah.

So --- This post is going to hit on three things here: the importance of teaching weapon safety, the importance to know a military child versus a civilian child, and child self esteem.

ONE – Obviously we agree with the school and the punishment and all that shit. I mean, I get it. It was a dumb thing my son did and luckily no one got hurt. And blah blah blah. I get it. To further his punishment, I made him write an essay on the importance of weapon safety and why we don’t bring weapons to school. He honestly didn’t think what he was doing was a bad choice. He just wanted to show off the knife. In the end, he cut himself. Not horribly, but he actually hurt himself in the process. So, really – he taught himself the importance of weapon safety.  He will read his essay to the princpals and his teacher – hopefully in front of the class so that he gets some “public shaming” peer-to-peer learning as well.

TWO – This leads me to the whole military child versus a civilian child. He brought to school a military grade knife. Not your typical Swiss Army Knife, but a knife that is longer than 6 inches and could do a lot of damage. If it had been about a half inch larger, he would have been expelled.

I get it. He shouldn’t have done this. I do, I really, truly understand why he was punished and that he F’d up. BUT – now hear me out, he’s the child of two military parents, two military grandparents, and 4 military great grandparents. It’s in his genes to not be normal when it comes to weapons.

Military child know about war. The hazards, the victims, the reason, and the allure. They make anything into guns, anything into knives, and anything becomes a bad guy versus good guy. Because that’s whats ingrained into their brains from birth. ESPECIALLY the military child of today. We have been at war for their entire lives. The chance of them having a parent or other family member at war is super ridiculous – even know the toll of multiple deployments. Face it civilian world, when a military child does anything – they’re going to do it to the fullest of MILITARY. So of course the kid he wanted to show off to had a smaller knife … he doesn’t have access to military grade knives! My child wanted to prove something and he did, “My knife is bigger (and cooler) than yours.”

THREE – Which brings me to conclude with a child’s self-esteem.  After our initial shock/anger of our sweet, 10 year old child bringing a weapon to school, things calmed down and I asked him why he did it. He shook his head and looked down at the ground. He had gotten caught with a knife that another student (rightfully so) told the teacher about and my son was going to be in really big trouble.

He eventually narc’d out another child who had brought a knife to school that day too – a child that my son seems to get into trouble with all the time. Who’s the bad influence here? I’m going to say the other child … because, well, I’m defending my child. LOL but that’s not the point. The point is, my son got teary-eyed and said, “[Child’s name] told me I meant nothing to him.”

Ouch.

I know right? My son continued to explain that this child is sometimes nice to him but most of the time he’s mean. I asked why he hangs out with this child then, and he shrugged his shoulders. Obviously, this child has some sort of power over my son, that my son will pretty much do anything for him. And I can relate.

Growing up, I had a “friend” who I would have done anything for just to get her to notice me or show my value to her. I get it. Friends are everything at this age. Children value their peer’s praise. They set their own worth on how others see them. And I don’t know how to fix that. I’ve, on multiple occasions, told my son how much he’s worth and the only person who can decide his worth is HIM.

But it’s not that easy is it?

How can we help our children see their worth? Our children are losing a battle right now. Society is changing so quickly and value/worth is seen through interaction with others  - and that is skewed because interaction with others sit behind computer screens now.  Children are committing suicide due to cyber-bullying. I mean, what the hell is wrong with our society right now?

Even though my son’s interaction with this other child was face to face and not over the internet, it was still very potent. Someone telling him he was nothing set into motion a series of events that lead to poor decisions on my son’s part. Luckily, no one was injured and hopefully we have taught him a lesson. But how dare that child say that.

And where do you think that child learned that? I’m not insinuating anything, but apparently, we (as parents/guardians) need to be better mentors to our children. They hear everything. They will mimic what they see. Be kind people … be kind.

And lock up your knives.

My Yoga Journey | 'Werk it' Out Wednesday

It all started when I saw a Facebook post from our on-post PX shopping center. 

Fort Bliss has a place called "Freedom Crossing." And it's pretty baller.

It not only hosts our PX, but also hosts the Class Six, a Starbucks, our food court, an Under Armor Store, an Irish Pub, a beautiful women's clothing store, The Dollar Tree, Buffalo Wild Wings, a Texas Roadhouse, and many other awesome stores.

Basically, it's pretty rad and you should check it out the next time you're on Fort Bliss.

But to continue my story, one of the "fast food" restaurants Healthy Pizza, was offering free sunset yoga on the lawn of Freedom Crossing. Now, I've done yoga in the past and I dug it. But it wasn't something that really REALLY interested me. I just did it to do it.

I decided that my hot mess, stressed out self needed some ME time and told the hubby I was going to try it out and ran out the door.

And I LOVED it.

Every Tuesday evening, I'd head out there and do my thing and feel amazing. This lead to me getting into a holiday challenge with my friend, Chrissy. She challenged me to 12 Days of Yogamas and we ROCKED it!

With the holiday challenge and the free yoga on post, I was totally digging everything that yoga was doing for me ... and still is. BUT - it began to get cold in the desert and the free yoga ended.

I was at a loss.

I needed the motivation to keep doing yoga and face it y'all .... I'm not a good accountability partner to myself.

And then it happened.

Another Facebook post popped up and a local cafe was going to offer free yoga presented by Dare to Dream Yoga and I mean, LOOK AT THIS PLACE!

This location was a dream! And Dare to Dream Yoga's mission is that yoga should be available to anyone and for free. So I was once again hooked!

Every Wednesday, I'd head out to the west side, over the mountain and through the construction. It has become a religion to me. It calms me and allows me to escape from reality for an hour. And for that, I'm very grateful.

I've continued to do Instagram challenges that make me work hard at hitting certain poses in my practice but most of all, to keep me accountable. My strength has improved and I have lost inches due to yoga. However, my eating habits haven't changed. I'm assuming now, but if was I was to lay off the cookies, I'd probably have a significant change in body mass.

Everyone has their way of getting into shape. Not everyone wants to sweat sprinting up a hill carrying a 30 pound tire on their shoulders. 

What needs to happen is: you, moving ... whether it's slow and steady or fast and heavy.

Just move.

And that's the point of 'Werk it' Out Wednesday!

Get it GURL!