When the Shit Hits the Fan | Loving Him

I don't know how you single parents do it.

You guys rock. 

I mean, you really do!

I understand you get into your routines and you set the rules ... you're in charge and don't have to rely on someone else's opinion or routines.

BUT

What do you do when the shit hits the fan??

Like -- The car breaks down just before football practice and you think you walk there but you actually had the wrong address ... so now you just walked a mile away from the house with your 11 year old son and 4 year old toddler to find out you're in the wrong place and won't be making the practice after all - which your eldest has been losing forward to all week and now you have to walk all the way back home with a whiny toddler who's tired and a pissed off preteen. Oh not to mention, that morning you walked 3.5 miles to get your toddler to dance class only to find out it was canceled and you missed the phone call from the teacher because you were busy WALKING/PUSHING the big ass double stroller to post to make it on time for the flipping dance class.  Oh and then throw a sick infant into the mix ... yeah.

The only thing that could've made it worse ... a broken full bottle of wine on your kitchen floor and your husband calls from his TDY to ask "How'd your day go?"

Yeah.

How the hell do you handle that EVERY SINGLE DAY!?

Having an extra set of hands around the house is so awesome. It really is. I lucked out when it came to finding my forever mate. He's pretty awesome.

But why the fuck does everything pile up when he's gone?!

Like, seriously? The truck couldn't break down when he was here? Like - seriously?

We are a two car family. We are lucky. BUT this week - he took the second vehicle on TDY. So we only had the ONE vehicle.

This comes to another round of applause...

Here's to the single car families!!!

You guys are amazing. Getting everyone to work, to school, to activities, back to pick up from school, pickup from work, back home.... etc. You guys are super humans. You really are. I was exhausted and could not wait for the truck to be fixed.

I understand that when it's a way of life, you make it happen. If you only have one car - you figure it out. If you're the only parent - you figure it. I get it.

But when life suddenly changes and you're down a job, down a car, down a parent, down SOMETHING. Why does it seem everything else hits the fan too? Is it the extra stress? You only look at the negative now? How do you guys surpass the "FML" feeling and get shit done? Because I was about to just say F it and run away!

No joke!

Just Co-Living at the Moment | Loving Him

My husband and I just celebrated our 13th year of marriage.

Thank you *takes bow* a-thank-u

Long military marriages are rare ... I mean, I hate to bring out the statistics ... but marriage/divorce rates are ridiculously high in the military.

Is it because we are a smaller population than one would think? Or is it really just that bad?

I don't know. But I am proud to say that we are not part of that statistic.

However ...

(there's always a however huh?)

I do want to say that 13 years feels like forever. I mean, not literally. I do enjoy marriage and I don't really think we are growing old (at least in heart). But at the same time ... things have changed.

We aren't those two love birds in the park parking lot making out on the car hood.

Ga-ROSS.

We don't send lovey-dovey texts to one another every second of the day. We settle for once every few days. ;)

We aren't in a constant tangle of limbs any more.

And we normally don't go to bed at the same time...

We are merely co-living at the moment.

And that's okay.

I'm okay with it, I sure hope he's okay with it.

We are okay.

Life sorta gets in the way of being a couple sometimes.

Right now, we have an infant who eats every two hours, wakes up in the middle of the night and needs our undivided attention 24/7.

We have a toddler who is getting used to the fact that he isn't the youngest any more. In fact, being the middle child sorta sucks for him at the moment. He is afraid of his room that he will eventually share with his sister. Absolutely hates her fox decor and has been an emotional wreck lately because all he wants is the attention back on him.

Then there's our eldest, ADHD/Autistic son who has grown into a smart-ass with lots and lots of attitude. He wants the attention the littles are stealing and he's going to get it anyway he can - even if it's negative. He argues over everything ... even the smallest, minute things. The other day, we argued over three pieces of candy versus four pieces. I mean ... come on.

By the time bedtime rolls around, all we want to do is get the kids to sleep so that we can lounge in our prospective spots on the couch with the TV noise in the background and us staring at our Facebook newsfeed, catching up on other peoples "normal" lives.

Therapists and other happy couples may tell you that we are not doing the right thing. "You should take time with each other and treat it as a romantic evening in. Give each other your full attention."

Blah.

I mean, I get it. We need to still pay attention to each other. After all, we wouldn't have the family we have if it didn't first start with us and being so crazy in love that we couldn't keep our hands off each other. I mean ...

I get it.

But right now. I'm nursing and postpartum. I don't want to mess around at night.

He's back to working long hours and *ahem* ... had a surgery. So I'm sure he's just wanting to sleep at night as well.

We're co-living right now.

And that's okay.

Soon we will get back to US. We will. I know we will.

But right now, the stress level in this house just needs to be dealt with as a parenting unit and all of our energy needs to go to these wacked-out kids who need the love they are screaming for.

He's still my best friend. He's still my heart and soul. He still means everything to me.

But right now, the baby is crying to be fed. The toddler needs a hug. And the boy needs to clean his room....

But we are okay.

Jealousy of Gender Roles | Loving Him

Is it wrong of me to smirk, just a tad, when I leave for a said amount of time and my husband is alone with the children?

Is it wrong of me to heave a sigh of relief when my children act out when my husband has them?

Is it wrong for me to feel some sort of satisfaction that my husband is stressing over all the minuscule tasks of day-to-day life of raising a family and still trying to have a career?

Is it wrong of me to be just a tad disappointed when family members come out to help him while I'm gone?

I mean ... these are all just hypothetical questions, and I would NEVER have these feelings ...

*insert eye roll*

Listen, my husband is awesome and he never complains about having to do extra house chores or watching his own children when mommy needs a break. I'm not saying he's not competent enough to do this on his own, because he very much is.

And I'm lucky for that.

HOWEVER,

(and yes, there's always a however in these sort of posts)

However, I have been through 7 deployments where he was gone anywhere from 9 months to 4/6 months at a time. One of them we were childless but the rest I had one child to two.

And here's the thing.

I made shit happen. 

Was it stressful? Hell yeah!

Was it a pain in the ass? Hell yeah!

But I made it just fine.

I will insert here that I did have help from time to time from family members but mostly because I would have my Army Reserve duty over the weekends and my mother would come out to help. I also had my father-in-law come out when I had a leadership course that was over two weeks long.

BUT - every other day, it was me and the boys.

And we made it.

So, when I leave for two weeks here and a month there, I get frustrated that he has the help from my mother or his mother.

I get it, it is different now because I work from home so our schedule is different. We need someone to care for out littlest full time and the oldest takes the bus home. Husband doesn't get home until after 5pm so the oldest would be home alone for 2 hours ... which, we can't exactly TRUST him to be alone for that amount of time. So I get that we need the extra help.

I really do. 

Though, the littlest could technically go to daycare full time (an added expense that would be a burden, but doable because I am getting paid more tan normal) and the eldest could be picked up from school by dad or hang out at the after school program in his school ... so see? Things could be done to fully immerse my husband into the hell life I endured (and still do) when he leaves.

Alas, I do want to conclude with this:

I am very lucky to have the man I have asa husband. One who takes on the challenges and appreciates what I do every day. He even mentioned to me over the phone the other day that he doesn't know how I do what I do every day. LOL It meant a lot to me for him to actually see everything from my perspective. It's very easy for the spouse who leaves all the time to not understand how hard it really is back home. They've got other things to worry about; the job, the hazards, the monotony, etc.

I try not to feel jealous of the help he gets, because family members are always willing to come to my aide if I was to need it. Yeah, I want him to suffer through what I do, but I'm so very thankful that I have people in our lives that are able to help at the drop of a pin.

Do any of you feel the same way? How do you combat these feelings?

Finding Time to be "Us" | Loving Him

Face it.

Y'all don't get the "We" time that y'all deserve. Right?

There's children that need attending to and GASP! Fed....

There's animals that need the cuddles and pets they deserve.

There's bills that need to be paid, floors that need swept, cars that need fixing, food that needs to be bought, walls that need painting ... I mean, I could go on for days about all the stuff that is needed to be maintained when you're married or cohabiting.

But you know the one that thing that mostly gets overlooked?

Yeah. The reason WHY you're living together.

You actually LIKE each other.

You enjoy each other's company, you love cuddling up, you love being "US."

So how come many couples forget to take a breather and focus on something for just them?

I know I'm guilty.

We get so focused on life, we forget to live it.

My husband and I haven't had a "date night" in what seems like forever. We've just moved to a new city, so we don't have a babysitter that will take on our children - that we trust. So, a night out really isn't in the cards right now.

 BUT

• We have figured out a way to still have us time once the kids are asleep.
• We've purchased adult coloring books ... and colored together with a bottle of wine next to us.
• We've answered silly questions about each other in a silly couple's book I bought from the store.
• We've cuddled on the couch and watched a grown up film that doesn't involve cartoon characters.
• We've baked cookies together.
• We've also sat outside and watched the lightening.
• We even run races together... 

I mean, there's so much to do to with your partner, even if you don't have the money to go out, the babysitter, the time ... ect. You have to make it happen.

Because face it, this is the reason why you have the life you have.

To be together. 

Make the most of it.

So if you'll excuse me, I need to go figure out how to put a screaming toddler into his night pamper so that this movie date on the couch will actually happen!

Good luck y'all!