Summer Time Crazy | Raising the Boys

Summer is coming to an end. The evenings are still long and the heat still lingers, yet school is just around the bend.

And the arguing still persists.

The screaming.

The yelling.

The "keep your hands to yourself."

The "just leave your brother alone."

The slamming of doors. The banging on the walls.

Oh, the sweet, sweet sounds of summer.

Don't you just love it?

Guys, I love my children. I do.

But I need them gone. I need to find where my patience ... and sanity went to. Because Summertime is legit killing me. My brain doesn't function.

I'm constantly raising my voice - even though I've been trying SO hard not to. I really am. I try to be patient when the middle boy gets frustrated.

"Use your words, tell me calming what the issue is."

I try to remain calm my my eldest (ADHD/Autistic) boy loses his shit when he's told to correct a chore he didn't do right.

"Take a deep breath, I just asked you to move those dishes out of the cup cabinet."

I try, y'all. I really do.

But after the 25th time of saying something calmly. Saying something differently. Saying something positively - and it still doesn't work.

I lose my shit.

You know what the worst part is? I was away from them for 17 days due to military training. Seventeen days I missed them and wished I was with them.... but secretly enjoyed my quiet evenings alone in my barracks room.

You homeschool parents are my heroes. You truly are. I am counting down the days... the hours, the SECONDS until I can push the boys into their classrooms and "Hunger Games" peace sign the teacher and then RUN away.

End of August. The end is near ... the end is near.

How do y'all keep your sanity during the summer? In general?

Preteen Emotional Roller Coaster | Raising the Boys

Stars, Stripes and Sarcasm

Walking this path we are on dealing with ADHD and Autism ... I feel like it's a mixture of rocky trail combined with soft sand. And sometimes, it feels like we are gliding through mud.

We think we are getting somewhere in our journey, but then there's a fork in the road and all of sudden we are forced to decide which way to go. One way leads to more yelling, more stress, more anger, more tantrums. The other way leads to more therapy, more visuals hung up around the house, more deep sighs and more walking away to cool off.

It doesn't seem like there's ever a right path to choose. There isn't room for error yet the whole experience is trail and error because there is no cure, there is no easy button and there definitely isn't a choice to leave the trail all together.

So what is a mom (parent) of a special needs child to do? Stick with those who understand and don't judge - which is easier said than done. BUT - that's what a parent needs to do. You'll always get people putting in their two cents about what you SHOULD be doing. But you know what, I don't care who you are. When you have an emotionally unbalanced preteen on your hands, all SHOULDS, WOULD OFS, and COULD OFS go flying out the window.

We are still trying to find a medicine concoction that will stabilize our son. We've tried many and still haven't seen the results we are looking for. Is it too much of what we are asking for? Or is this the route we take? Hormones and new meds, emotions and physical ailments. I mean, I know I was awkward as hell as a preteen ... but this, this is the worst!

My final goal (and this is mine alone) is for my son to be free of medications and have the ability to control his impulses and tantrums and emotions. Call it being a 12 year old, or a stubborn boy, but he seems to not use the tools we provide him to do so.

He's been through so many therapists that he knows how to play each and every one. He says what he's supposed to. He can recite everything that he's supposed to do. But does he do it? Nope.

How do we ensure our son's future if there is no motivation or "umph" for him to succeed as an adult?

Guys, give me the strength to survive these preteen ... and ugh, TEEN years with him. I know he is worth it. I know he can achieve great successes ... I just need that attitude and stubbornness to cease!

How do y'all survive the preteen/teen years?

Dealing with Autism | Raising the Boys

Autism.

This is our life now. The meltdowns. The constant repeating of tasks. The continuous bickering of a too literal big brother and a little brother who just doesn’t care for facts.

This is us.

Shirt by Sunshine & Spoons

The chaos will always follow us. We will always come in full force and interrupt your quiet. I’ll always be the strict mom and I’ll always be the momma bear. 

My boxing gloves will always be on to fight for him at school and my apologies will come like second nature for behavior.

Little brother will always be the antagonizer - no matter what.

I’m not sure what little sister’s roll in this mess will be but I do know she’s teaching him responsibility and patience.

I know I haven’t blogged much about what’s going on in our family - I mean the holidays came fast and furious with lots of sugar, excitement and more stimulants then you can count.

We are exhausted.

Now with 2019 here and his 12th birthday behind us we I can refocus and blog/journal more about our experiences.

I finally bit the bullet and joined multiple autism support groups on Facebook. I wanted to see how others deal with this diagnoses but mostly I wanted to finally talk to people who understand. ADHD/High Functioning & Autism is a bitch. Mix in puberty and ohhhhh hell. 

Watch out. 

I don’t know what the diagnosis is and what puberty is. His actions are all over the place. He’s started to get more agitated and less patient to the unknown.

I learned the word “stemming” recently and boy, does that bring a lot more knowledge to what he does & why. Stemming is something an autistic person does to calm, concentrate, focus, and/or protect themselves when things get chaotic, too exciting, too scary, too boring etc.

My son has two types of stemming I’ve noticed so far - when frustrated he brings his hand to his head and squeezes (sorta like pulling his hair as well). And he also flaps his arms - he calls it dancing but to me is more like flapping. Before we would make him stop flapping because, well, it looks ridiculous. But now that I know what it is- we are trying to ignore it.

The squeezing of the head is a little more worrisome only because it sometimes involves him hitting his head on a wall or punching himself. Though, we don’t want him to hurt himself, it’s great to know why he is doing it so we can slow down and rethink how to approach him. 

The women I’ve talked to thru these Facebook groups (and close friends who are going through their own struggles) empathize and relate. They also bring up how they’ve dealt as well as sometimes tell me to suck it up because I was chosen to be his momma and no one else. And I love their tough love because well, autism is our life now.

Shirts by Sunshine & Spoons

Ready or not.

It won’t run us, but it will guide us.

In Need of a Momma Moment | Raising the Boys

Guys, it's been a rough few months. 

I mean R.O.U.G.H.

I was starting to think that life was going to get a little easier for our family. We welcomed a little girl into this family of chaos - thinking - HOPING she'd bring a little calm into it.

We love the hell out of her. The boys treat her like a princess. My heart is full.

But it doesn't erase all the chaos. It really does add to it.

The ADHD doesn't magically disappear. The Autism doesn't fade away into nothing. The high pitched tantrums don't quiet down. The pushing, the shoving, the bickering, the big brother/little brother struggle just continues.

You think you have it all together one moment. You're juggling the stroller in one hand with the wiggling baby on the other hip. The boys are standing next to you and not arguing and everyone is smiling.

The next second, the middle boy is body slamming the older boy. The baby now is in full blown arched back, scream crying and the older boy now has the middle boy in a head lock ... in front of your acquaintances whom you wish would become close friends but know you'll never have a Thelma and Louis type of friendship because ... well...

Your children.

Wait what?

You're blaming your children?

Yeah. Maybe. Maybe I am.

I feel like no one really, truly understands what goes on in my household. I try so hard to keep a smile on my face and pretend like like I'm strong and will never give up. I confine to one or two of my friends but I still get the feeling they still don't understand. If there was a hidden camera in my household, I'd either be locked up or have a really amazing, six figured contract deal for a reality TV show.

But all I want right now is a proud momma moment. I just want one of those moments when the kid(s) does something so amazing that I can say, "I'm so proud of him." "I'd like to bragg on my boy(s) for a minute."

You start to notice you aren't getting invited to playdates anymore. You start to notice that eye contact doesn't happen very much any more in your social group. Jealously kicks in when pictures on social media pop up of people you think are amazing and you THOUGHT you were getting close ... but really ... you're not. Because, well - you're not in the picture of that fun outing. Nope. You're stuck at home because you think the world is against you.

I thought I was going to be this amazing mom. I was going to be crafty, cool, someone to confine in, and just all around awesome. But reality came a-knocking ... I'm a hot mess.

I'm so tired of complaining about my children. I don't know how you happy, peppy, look on the brighter side moms do it. I seriously look up to you so much. I strive to be like you. I try so, so, so hard to be like you. I want to be in the "in-crowd." I want to be the mom that meets up with the other moms at school drop off and shoot the shit about what we did as a group that past weekend.

Instead, I push the double stroller up to the door, smile politely, wait for the door to open and hurriedly hug my hyper boy goodbye as he hops happily into the school. I share pleasantries as I push the stroller back home and wallow in my miseries as I munch on snacks, edit a photo or two for my business, do some social media posts and call it "marketing" and then get the baby ready to pick up the boys from school ... continuing to pretend that our family isn't a complete sham on social media.

I know what we see on social media and most of the time out in public isn't the whole story. No, not every family is smiling and getting along. No, not every mom has it together. No, not every child is perfectly behaved all the time. I get it. But why do we not share the horrible moments? Why don't we come together to share what a shitty day we had or the horrible tantrum that was thrown. Or the bottle of wine you picked up on the hectic grocery run just to help take off the stress? The little bit of whiskey we throw in our morning coffee to help us through the day. Or the chocolate we have hidden in a locked case above our closet. Or the chips we silently (as much as we can) crunch in the back room to drown out the arguing in the front room.

We all want that proud momma moment to have other moms and parents to be like "oh damn, she's got her shit together." That's why we only share the "good moments" on social media (the majority of us at least). And when we few share the hard times, we get ridiculed by other moms. "Why would you share that?" "Why would you boast about that?" "You know, you really shouldn't say things like that." "Can you believe that's how she handled that?"

And that's why people only want to share the things they did "right" -- according to society that is ...

I'm ready to show my proud momma moment ... whenever it comes ... hopefully ....

How do y'all look to the brighter side? How do you continue trucking on when motherhood just seems to be sucking? I'd love to hear how y'all manage not going crazy.

Parenting is Hard | Raising the Boys

*Disclaimer: I understand I now have a daughter - but the boys are still the main focus of this section ... they have a little bit more attitude at the moment and lot more laughable moments. Soon she may have her own section or added to this section. But Not just yet - we shall see how her personality grows!

Did I miss the instruction manual section when we were discharged from the hospital? 

Did you guys get one?

You know what I'm talking about.

The "How to be the coolest parent ever and raise a perfect gentleman" book?

No?

There's no "Easy Button?"

'Cause I'd pay a pretty penny to just push the easy button right about now.

Y'all should know about my Autistic/ADHD preteen by now, and if not HERE is the link. I feel like I'm going to be constantly looking at him with  the "What the hell is your problem" facial expression for the rest of my life. The second I feel like I'm understanding him and getting him - he turns around with another issue or quirk that has me second guessing why I decided to become a mother.

Then there's the four year old who's finding his own place in the family. He's now the middle child and he is making it real apparent that he will not be "forgotten" or "pushed aside." We would never do that intentionally, but you know how the stereotype is when it comes to the middle child. His attitude and antagonizing ways of late have been - to say the least - getting on my last nerve.

If you happen to find my patience ... can you please tell her come back? Could really use her sound judgment and constant reminding that these boys are learning. They're learning to be decent humans while trying to find their own in this crazy world.

Parenting is Hard y'all.

I question why I decided becoming a parent was a good thing. I think being the cool aunt who does fun and exciting things with her nephews would've suited me better AND helped keep me sane. I'm pretty sure if our neighbors ever reported me to law - I'd be admitted for insanity. These boys are killing me. Forget them living to 18 years old ... I may not see them turn 18 years old.

Even though the doc says I'm in great health, I feel like my blood pressure should be through the roof. I feel like my mental health has declined and I feel like I'm physically deteriorating because of the stress and hassle I put up with every single day. If it wasn't for the help of friends, family, and my husband for allowing my to do "me time" every so often - I'd be dead. Seriously.

I've read multiple parenting books ... I normally don't make it through them because my ideas of parenting and there's don't align. I've gone to multiple therapy appointments and tried multiple strategies to keep the chaos to a minimum in my family. I've tried family meetings, I've tried the "yes method," I've tried no yelling - I've tried yelling. We've spanked and we've done time outs. I've done the "how do you feel about your actions" strategy and I've done the "no" strategy. We have multiple behavior, chore, and goal charts. I have a "write 3 good things that happened today" journal and I have this blog. I'm running out of ideas, wall space and patience ... well the patience is gone. What else is there to do?

Then there's moments when we are sitting on the couch and my toddler curls up next me and falls asleep on my shoulder. Or when he walks up to me and hugs me. The other day a friend overheard him say that he had the best mom ever. I mean ... that must mean I'm doing something right .... right?

Or when my preteen finally looks me in the eye and says, "That was the best family hike we've ever went on. It was really fun." Or when he picks up his little sister when she's crying and comforts her. When a complete stranger compliments him on his good manners or looks at me and says, "you're doing a good job with this young man."

There's something going right in this house I suppose.

Parenting is hard. When do we truly know what we are doing with our children is the right thing? When will the "reward" outweigh the hard times? I'm told I'll miss these days of them being young and running around the house. I believe these fairy tales ... I really do. But they are also very hard to imagine at this point in my parenting life. We shall see.

We shall see.

Strong-willed Child: Blessing or Curse? | Raising the Boys

I mean we don’t want to raise pushovers right? We don’t want to raise followers. But we also don’t want to raise assholes.

It’s not all about them but how much do we teach them to serve others? Type a personalities go places but they also raise hell (and not always the good hell).

Then you add a toddler’s brain to the mix where they can’t fully explain their emotions or frustrations and what do you get? Meltdowns. Tantrums. Hitting. Growling. Not being able to socialize with other strong willed children-separation. How do you find a balance?


No, seriously. I'm asking you.

My toddler (well, technically preschooler now) has been pushing all the buttons lately. I know he wants to find his indolence. I know he can fully communicate what he wants and doesn't want. I know he is tired of adults telling him what to do and what not to do. 

I get it. I really do.

But how the hell do I tell him it's cool to be the class leader, but then turn around and say "but take turns."

My poor child. 

Today at tumbling, he wanted to be the line leader. Coach told him to let someone else be the leader and to try being second.

He didn't like that. He left the gym floor and came in to the parent room. I asked him if he didn't want to participate any more and he told me his dilemma. I was frank, "If you don't want to take turns, let's go home."

He didn't like that either. So he decided to give it another try. 

Everything was going well. He even got to jump on the trampoline first. After his turn, he sat down like he was supposed to.

Crisscross-apple sauce.

The other child that he was butting heads with about being leader - another strong-willed child. Came up after his turn, pushed my son to the side (so he could be first to get sticker). 

My son didn't like that. 

He retaliated. 

He open handedly punched the other child in the stomach.

I watched the whole ordeal from the parent window.

So did the other child's mother. 

We both exchanged looks, shook our heads, gathered up our gear and retrieved our boys.

No - pushing is not tolerated.

No - hitting is not tolerated ... 

But how do you explain that to two four years olds who want to rule the world one day?

How?!

All I want to do is raise polite boys that respect each other and others around them. I want them to tolerate those they can't stand and to stand up for what they believe in. I want them to check facts before arguing and I want them to have their own opinions. I want them to be president if they so care to. I want them to be the leaders of the world, not the followers that mindlessly walk the earth.

Where the hell is the user manual on this kid!?!

I Lost My Toddler | Raising the Boys

Never in a million years would I have thought he'd actually run away.

Nope.

He's thrown body-gone-limp tantrums before in which I just let go and walk away.

But he's always came running back to me with tears in his eyes.

He's crossed his arms and stopped walking in front of toy/candy stores and I've kept walking proclaiming, "Bye then."

But he's always yelled after me, "No! Don't leave me!"

He's.

Always.

Come. 

Back.

The other day at the shopping mall was a different story.

My husband and I walked out of our Target just like any other time we had and our toddler asked, "Can I go play?"

There's a bunch of those moving kiddie rides that cost an arm and a leg to just rock back and forth in front of Target, but inside an actual shopping mall. We agreed, like we normally do but said, "just 5 minutes."

We don't put coins in the rides, but he enjoys them the same. And sometimes, just sometimes, he hops in on other people's rides and we have to act embarrassed and say, "No no no, you can't just get in there!"

But he did that too many times on this particular day and so we cut his time short. Needless to say, the toddler was not happy about that and made it clear. He cried and stomped his feet but I had his arm and we headed towards the exit.

He went limp on me.

I let go of his arm.

He laid there on the ground, crying.

I began to walk away, my husband turned his back with me and we both said, "Okay, Bye!"

We walked about 8-10 feet away, I stopped turned around and my toddler was no longer on the ground.

In fact, I couldn't see him anywhere.

I looked at my husband, "He's gone."

"What?" my husband asked looking around.

We both walked back to the rides and searched in and around them. We walked behind the rides a little to see if ran the opposite direction.

Nope.

We walked back towards the exit to see if he had just ran by and we didn't see him.

Nope.

An older gentleman cleared his throat, "He ran that way." He pointed towards Target's entrance.

I got my husband's attention and we both went into Target again.

No Toddler to be found.

I walked back out while my husband walked further into Target. A younger woman was paying attention to our semi-panic and was moving her head around trying to look for my toddler too.

"He ran into the Target and went that way," she pointed to the right in which would've been in front of the cashiers' lines and the customer service area of Target. So, I went back into Target and walked the whole line from one exit to the other searching for my Toddler.

Surprisingly, my heart wasn't in a panic yet. I was fairly confident I would find him. I know my Toddler. He always comes back.

He ALWAYS comes back.

I reached the other exit and still had no toddler.

This is when my hands started to shake. I walked out the second exit, the one that is also close to the shopping center exit that leads to a huge parking lot to the left ...

Suddenly I heard, "You don't know where your mommy is?"

I looked to my right and there was my Toddler -pouty face, arms crossed, eyebrows furred.

A woman was trying to get information out of my toddler and stranger danger came into effect. I was briskly walking in the opposite direction of the shopping mall exit and I exclaimed, "I'm right here!"

The woman sighed a sigh of relief and walked into Target as my toddler ran to me ... but hesitantly.

He knew he was in the wrong.

I asked, "Why did you run away? You know you're not supposed to leave mommy."

I sat him down on the red bench and reached for my cell to inform my husband that I had found him.

"I'm very upset with you," I said to my toddler.

My toddler cried and wanted to get off the bench. But I informed him that it was a timeout. I explained that the lady was nice enough to try to help him but there are other people who could have taken him away for ever.

Was it the right technique? Meh. I dunno. But I was pretty upset, and so was my husband.

I'm hoping that my toddler learned a lesson. I know I did ... I can't just walk away anymore. He's getting more and more independent by the day and I know what he was thinking.

The Target cashiers are parallel to the shopping center hallway, so he was going to just cut us off at the shopping center exit but go through the Target area. He didn't expect us to stop and turn around. I mean, he's little toddler brain doesn't know that the hallway and the cashier lines are about a tenth of a mile long and there's no way mom and dad would NOT turn around to check on their baby. Luckily though, he says he didn't go outside the automatic doors that led to the parking lot. That was my fear... that he'd gone out there and my little baby would've been totally exposed to anyone.

And thank God for his crankiness when it comes to adults talking to him. Normally I get embarrassed of his crass looks and sharp tongue to strangers ... but that day, I'm thankful (even if the lady was just trying to help him) he took stranger danger seriously.

I do not want to lose my toddler again ... unless he's 18 and ready to move out of my house.

My Boy is a Mess, Literally | Raising the Boys

Guys, I know - I know... another post about the boys? 

Well YEAH.

When you have two boys and they pretty much consume your entire life ... most of my chaotic life is about them.

So suck it up.

I wanna talk about cleaning rooms. 

Who else has a fight with their child overtime it's "cleaning day?"

Yeah, we have a cleaning day because of all the fights we get into. Like, if it's not scheduled, all hell breaks loose. Like, it still does, but it's more like Hiroshima chaos instead of my life is over chaos.

Is there a difference? 

I suppose not, but at least I can use the argument, "You know it's Sunday and it's CLEANING DAY."

Guys, my eldest ... he could live in a pig-stye and not mind it one bit.

Not ONE bit.

Like, he will bitch and moan all day about cleaning his room ... eventually it'll get done -- like 5 days later, but it's somewhat picked up. I can at least see the floor.

Give him 5 minutes of "play time" and the room is wrecked again. I don't get it.

I'm not OCD in like everything has to be perfect ... I'm not super germaphobic, but I don't like clutter and there does come a point where I'll look at the kitchen sink and be like, "What in the F? This place is a disaster and we need to clean."

I have him do his own laundry because I'm tired of doing loads upon loads every weekend. He complains about folding the clothes. I told him to hang his clothes then ... NOPE. Where do they end up?

On the Ground.

Next to the dirty clothes ...

Then guess what? Now we don't know what's clean or dirty.

What in the actual hell?!

Also, his idea of cleaning is pushing all the crap/toys/paper/whatever to the corners of the room. Because, "mom, you can see the floor."

OH EM GEE.

Boy! This is not clean! it smells in here and if you were to vacuum right now, all your tiny legos would be sucked up. GET THIS ROOM CLEAN!

Now before y'all start offering up ideas on how to make this process simpler ... lemme tell you what we have tried:

1) A timer - we set a time limit for him to clean. If he completes it in time (properly) he gets a reward (extra outside time, a date night ...ect.) If he doesn't, okay that's fine we will continue on our day but he will not get any rewards or normal play time until it is cleaned.

2) A picture board - I actually took an hour and half and cleaned his room with him explaining exactly how I want it to look. I took pictures of everything. We made a chart that stated "This is how my room looks clean." So this is more of a visual cue of what a clean room looks like.

3) Saying "F - it" as long the toys are in the toy box and the clothes are hung, and I can see the floor -- it's clean. All he had to do was throw toys (unorganized) into boxes off the floor and hang his clothes. Oh, and ensure his bed is made (comforter neat with pillows piled nicely). That's IT!

4) Taking all his stuff away - He's complained that he has too much of a mess (meaning too much stuff), so I took everything away. All he had was his bed and clothes. But somehow, even THEN his room would be full of paper trash and the clothes all over the place. He could care less that he had no toys.

5) Forgetting about the mess - The therapist told us to "ignore the mess." Uh ... okay. So I just closed the door to his room. Two months later the mess was so unbearable, I went in and cleaned the shit up. So what did that teach him? If I wait long enough, mom will do it for me.

6) Threatened his life ... no not really ... but sorta. It just doesn't work. I don't ask for much. I just want it to be tidy. I wasn't a super clean child either and I remember arguing with my parents about my room ... but I cleaned it when told to do so. I just don't get it.

So after all that ... you guys have any other suggestions? I may or may not listen because frankly ... I've given up. I throw in the towel. I will forever be cleaning up after him and his spouse in the far future will be doing the same thing.

Poor poor soul.

Good luck out there peeps!

A Child's Worth is Challenged | Raising the Boys

So I’m going to confess something … I really don’t WANT to because I know I’ll get some backlash on this. Whether the backlash is said in public, behind a computer screen, or mumbled under your breath.

BUT

I feel like I NEED to confess this.

My eldest … my behavioral challenged son,  got suspended from school the other day because he brought a knife to school.

And not just a pocket knife, but a military grade knife.

Why you ask?

Because – and this is in his own words – he wanted to prove his worth to another child.

Yeah.

So --- This post is going to hit on three things here: the importance of teaching weapon safety, the importance to know a military child versus a civilian child, and child self esteem.

ONE – Obviously we agree with the school and the punishment and all that shit. I mean, I get it. It was a dumb thing my son did and luckily no one got hurt. And blah blah blah. I get it. To further his punishment, I made him write an essay on the importance of weapon safety and why we don’t bring weapons to school. He honestly didn’t think what he was doing was a bad choice. He just wanted to show off the knife. In the end, he cut himself. Not horribly, but he actually hurt himself in the process. So, really – he taught himself the importance of weapon safety.  He will read his essay to the princpals and his teacher – hopefully in front of the class so that he gets some “public shaming” peer-to-peer learning as well.

TWO – This leads me to the whole military child versus a civilian child. He brought to school a military grade knife. Not your typical Swiss Army Knife, but a knife that is longer than 6 inches and could do a lot of damage. If it had been about a half inch larger, he would have been expelled.

I get it. He shouldn’t have done this. I do, I really, truly understand why he was punished and that he F’d up. BUT – now hear me out, he’s the child of two military parents, two military grandparents, and 4 military great grandparents. It’s in his genes to not be normal when it comes to weapons.

Military child know about war. The hazards, the victims, the reason, and the allure. They make anything into guns, anything into knives, and anything becomes a bad guy versus good guy. Because that’s whats ingrained into their brains from birth. ESPECIALLY the military child of today. We have been at war for their entire lives. The chance of them having a parent or other family member at war is super ridiculous – even know the toll of multiple deployments. Face it civilian world, when a military child does anything – they’re going to do it to the fullest of MILITARY. So of course the kid he wanted to show off to had a smaller knife … he doesn’t have access to military grade knives! My child wanted to prove something and he did, “My knife is bigger (and cooler) than yours.”

THREE – Which brings me to conclude with a child’s self-esteem.  After our initial shock/anger of our sweet, 10 year old child bringing a weapon to school, things calmed down and I asked him why he did it. He shook his head and looked down at the ground. He had gotten caught with a knife that another student (rightfully so) told the teacher about and my son was going to be in really big trouble.

He eventually narc’d out another child who had brought a knife to school that day too – a child that my son seems to get into trouble with all the time. Who’s the bad influence here? I’m going to say the other child … because, well, I’m defending my child. LOL but that’s not the point. The point is, my son got teary-eyed and said, “[Child’s name] told me I meant nothing to him.”

Ouch.

I know right? My son continued to explain that this child is sometimes nice to him but most of the time he’s mean. I asked why he hangs out with this child then, and he shrugged his shoulders. Obviously, this child has some sort of power over my son, that my son will pretty much do anything for him. And I can relate.

Growing up, I had a “friend” who I would have done anything for just to get her to notice me or show my value to her. I get it. Friends are everything at this age. Children value their peer’s praise. They set their own worth on how others see them. And I don’t know how to fix that. I’ve, on multiple occasions, told my son how much he’s worth and the only person who can decide his worth is HIM.

But it’s not that easy is it?

How can we help our children see their worth? Our children are losing a battle right now. Society is changing so quickly and value/worth is seen through interaction with others  - and that is skewed because interaction with others sit behind computer screens now.  Children are committing suicide due to cyber-bullying. I mean, what the hell is wrong with our society right now?

Even though my son’s interaction with this other child was face to face and not over the internet, it was still very potent. Someone telling him he was nothing set into motion a series of events that lead to poor decisions on my son’s part. Luckily, no one was injured and hopefully we have taught him a lesson. But how dare that child say that.

And where do you think that child learned that? I’m not insinuating anything, but apparently, we (as parents/guardians) need to be better mentors to our children. They hear everything. They will mimic what they see. Be kind people … be kind.

And lock up your knives.

Tired: Parents of ADHD Children | Raising the Boys

So, I read an article the other day HERE, and it infuriated me.

Why?

Because I'm tired of "experts" telling me that my child is just acting like a child.

(Hey, they may actually be considered experts, but I'm still putting the quotes there)

No.

My child is different. 

Is it a mental illness? Is he "just being a boy?" Is it actually ADHD? I don't know. That's why I rely on "experts" to tell me how to help my child.

We have been through four different therapists. Two psychiatrists and we don't seem to be going anywhere.

I'm tired.

I'm so, so, so tired.

I vent. 

I vent to friends, family, social media.

But I always hear the same things -- from people who mean well, but it's still annoying.

"He'll grow out of it."

"He's just super active. He gets it from you."

"He just doesn't know how to control his emotions."

"If you could let him have something to hold, maybe he'd pay attention in class."

"Have you tried taking him off food dyes? Hormones? Make him gluten free?"

Yea people. I have.

Dye-free helped a tad. A Fidget toy gets taken away because it's a distraction according the teacher. He drinks almond milk and pretty much dairy free. No, he won't grow out of it, talked to a teacher who's ADHD the other day and she was one who sympathized with me and told me straight up, he won't grow out of it. But he will someday learn to cope. No, he's not super active like me, he's straight up hyper active ... I like to keep moving, but I can stop when I want. He cannot.

I. have. literally. tried. any. and. everything. to. help. my. child. succeed.

Have I seen a difference?

Yeah, but nothing significant that society wants him to act and be like.

Guys, I even tried giving him COFFEE because I read an article that explained the caffeine would actually slow him down because of his natural high.

Guys. I've read SO MANY ARTICLES on ADHD and the more I read, the more I try and the more I realize - ADHD IS A REAL THING.

ADHD wasn't around "when you were younger" because people didn't know what to look for. You just had "a lazy kid," "the problem child," or the "crazy hyper kid that always got in trouble."

Did you read the article above? The expert who wrote it said it's just a gimmick for pharmaceutical people to get rich and the doctors who prescribe it commission off of it.

"Drug them up."

"Make them zombies so parents can deal and go back to their smart phones uninterrupted."

Whatever. Do not judge parents with children with behavioral problems until you've walked in their shoes for one day.

Hell, I'd give you four hours and you'd want to give the kid back.

I love my son.

But some days, I just want to knock him across the room.

Sociopath.

That word has come up in casual conversation with "experts." Yeah. I may be raising a sociopath. Yay for me. How many of you have raised a sociopath? Borderline psychopath?

He doesn't care (or at least appears to not care) about anyone except himself. He doesn't feel bad when he upsets his brother. Doesn't feel bad when his father and I are talking to him sternly ... or yelling because he hasn't listened to one word we've said to him. Only time he sheds a tear? When it affects him.

I've read articles about ADHD kids who beg their parents to understand them and not yell at them and not get upset when they don't listen, pay attention, or do what they're supposed to do. And other parents will comment and be like, "I'd never say that to my child! How dare they be that mean to their child. This is why some shouldn't pro-create."

Guys. When you are constantly telling someone to do something and they continually don't do that. Don't you get frustrated? Don't you raise your voice? Don't you say things you wish you hadn't?

When you CATCH RED HANDED your child stealing or lying and they continue to tell you that they didn't do it. Or when for the 15th time you've caught him in your closet stealing the iPads you've taken away from him because his search history is a little too mature than what he should be looking at. Or when you catch him stealing the APPLE TV from your room late at night and he says, "I just wanted to watch it while you were asleep because you wouldn't know."

Do you have to turn off the internet at a set time everyday so that he doesn't sneak on to the business computer- to which somehow he figures out the password every time you change it- to look at the internet at things he shouldn't be?

Have you ever left a full grocery shopping cart in the middle of the isle to physically carry your screaming child out of the store because you told him no, he couldn't have the candy bar?

Have you laid in bed late at night staring at the ceiling fan asking yourself what the hell you did wrong to have raised a child who has no empathy? Who doesn't care about consequences or rewards?

Have you locked the bathroom door to cry because your child is in his room throwing toys, punching walls, and screaming because you told him he couldn't play outside until his homework was done?

How many teacher conferences have you been to where you were told, "Oh we know he's a good kid, we just need him to pay attention - to slow down with his work - to control his anger - to stop talking ...."

How many times have you been called to the principal's office to discuss your child's behavior?

I have NEVER been to the principal's office as a child or teenager. I never got in trouble at school. The closest I got into trouble was a truancy letter that got sent home. I now know every single one of my son's principal's by first name and I dread when I see the school's number on my cellphone. I sometimes don't answer it because I'm tired.

I'm tired.

Raising a child is hard. It is. I knew it wasn't going to be a walk in the park. I knew it would be challenging. But it shouldn't be this difficult.

Is medicating him the best choice?

Yes. For us, it is. And STILL we aren't getting the results we need for society to treat him like the "normal child" they want him to be.

Medication isn't for everyone. I get it. But you'll never see me judging you for your decision, so don't judge me.

I'm embarrassed.

You never know when his tantrum will start or what will set it off. Do yo walk on eggshells? I absolutely hate the stares I get in public when my son is defiant and causes a scene. No one smiles at me and says "you've got this momma. Hang in there."

No. They give dirty looks and walk off and mutter "My child would never do that."

I didn't want to medicate. I tried everything to not medicate. I had seen what Ritalin did to loved ones and I didn't want my son to deal with that. But at this very exact moment, I'm to the point of let's raise his dosage to help him succeed in society. (He doesn't take Ritalin, but he takes numerous other meds).

Is that selfish of me? Yeah sure. But I'm Tired.

A tired momma will pretty much agree to do whatever it takes to help her offspring. You can hate all you want, but until there is proper education given to teachers to deal with ADD and ADHD and to the rest of society, our children will forever be the problem children in school.

They'll be the children that get blamed for any and everything. Why? Because they more than likely did it, BUT more importantly the school system is teaching other children that if they mess up, they can blame the problem children and they will get in trouble, not them.

That's what pisses me off the most.

I witnessed it happen to my son. They were at the playground. A girl pushed him. He pushed back. She cried. Who got in trouble? My son. Should he have pushed her back? No. But she shoved first. Both children should have been punished (or at least talked to). And this was in his kindergarten! Don't even get me started about his current teacher and grade. It's ridiculous.

So before you go judging parents who talk about ADHD or medicating. Walk in their shoes. I can pretty much guarantee that what you're seeing in public is NOTHING to what they deal with second to second in their homes. It's exhausting.

I could write on and on about this, but I know I've already lost you because you can't believe I'm such a horrible mother who can't even put up with her 10 year old.

Well get over it. Like I said, I'm tired.

I'm tired of yelling, punishing, trying new ideas and failing, whining, crying, explaining my child's actions, apologizing, worrying. I'm tired.

Just. Plain. Tired.

F*ck it - A Toddler's Mantra | Raising the Boys

While getting the toddler ready for his tumbling class, he turns around and says,

"When I'm grown up, I can say 'F*ck it."

Yeah.

I just stared at him.

I didn't mean to giggle, but I did.

And he goes, "What? It's true though." 

And shrugs his shoulders and walks into tumbling class.

I grabbed his socks and shoes, sat on the waiting chairs and shook my head.

If only it was that simple. 

AmIright?

Even though a three year old shouldn't be dropping the f-bomb, I was shocked and impressed at the same time.

(And I realized that I really need to watch what I say around that freaking parrot)

Not only did he use it correctly, he used it at the right time you would use it. He really didn't wanna give me his shoes, but I insisted that by me holding onto them, it'd be easier (and faster) to get to the big trampoline. So, he basically gave into wisdom (or so I'd like to think that's why he said what he said) and resisted the urge to argue and possibly cause more problems.

Why can't more adults be like that?

Given today's society climate, wouldn't it just be better to accept the "F*ck it" mantra?

Now, don't get me wrong -- yes, we should still stand up for what we believe is right and not give into pressure (with the proper research, knowledge and morals). 

BUT

When you reach a point of no return when you're shouting one thing and the other is shouting another and neither of you are ever going to agree and the argument is going no where...

Can you just reach a point where we can just say "F*ck it? Let's agree to disagree? Can you just hear me out?"

No, we are never going to reach that point.

Why?

Because we are humans. 

We will fight to our very last dying breath.

My point in all this?

That my toddler taught me a big lesson today. 

Not every argument is worth the win. You have to listen with reason. And sometimes, just sometimes ...

"F*ck it" is just the appropriate response. 

12 Days with the Damn Elf | Raising the Boys

Please tell me I'm not the only one that dreads this damn thing. I mean, it started out as fun and cute for my eldest. He was acting up in school, saw the Elf at Barnes & Noble ... thought it'd scare the shit out of him ... Bought it. And Ta-da! End of misbehaving right?

Nope. Not even close.

This damn guy has been on strike due to behavior, has went back to the North Pole and threatened not to come back, he's given writing assignments and he's been chewed up by the dogs ...

He's given secret missions for the kids to spread kindness, and he's made them go out and find things for exercise ...

Given them crafts to make for loved ones ... told them that they're special ....

Shit, he's even portrayed a favorite book character to get them to behave.

And yet? Nothing. The kids aren't scared of this guy. They enjoy waking up to see what sorta thing he's been up to during he night. And to be honest, I don't even think my eldest believes he's moving by himself any more.

I purposely didn't have him show up after Thanksgiving this year ... why? Because I'm running out of ideas to do with this guy! We've done Ninja, Minecraft, Star Wars, Spiderman, Harry Potter, This Day In History, Crafts, Threats, Daring Feats, Silly Mischief, Camera Fun ... I even hand cut damn snowflakes into Star Wars characters! What more does a mom have to do to make their kids happy?

Apparently keep up the charade of this damn elf going back and forth to the North Pole every night to tattle on the kiddos to Santa - the big boss. And my creativeness is just going to have to rely on Pinterest and Google searches! Good luck out there parents! If you get an Elf on the Shelf ... be prepared! And if you wanna follow our elf, Raheem, every holiday season ... check out my photography Facebook Page and my Pinterest!

God Speed!