Not Giving a F*ck | My Hot Mess

Do people really not care what others think of them? 

Like, do they say they don’t - act like they don’t, but then go home to the quietness or lay in bed in the darkness and think about what others have said. 

I mean, I feel like we were built to people please - or at least attempt to be seen as “good and righteous” in the eyes of others. If someone says something about you and you truly don’t give a flying fuck - are you being true to yourself? 

I really want to know. 

I try to not care - I’m a grown woman and in my teenage years I spent way too much time and effort on trying to appease people that didn’t care about me and in the long term, didn’t even matter to me. Lots of wasted time.

So, I feel like I’ve learned from that experience and now only put effort to what will help me grow and build better relationships, but will make me mentally stronger. 

But no matter how hard I try- people get to me. I’m a person who strives to be the best version of myself. 

Yes, I have my faults and I can agree with you on that, but I try to not let people down on a day to day basis. The worst "punishment" to me while growing up was when my father (only once) told me "You disappointed me." And I deserved that because what I did was stupid and definitely the wrong thing to do.

How can one person’s opinion of me affect me to the point I’m writing this blog?! 

One comment. One measly comment that said I wasn't adequate enough to do what I do that it attacked my brain into rethinking I'm not as good as I thought I was.

What the hell.

How do you bounce back from that?

Many friends tried to comfort me.

"It was only one comment, Shari."

"A fluke -- just a fluke, Shari."

"You don't need to worry about one's opinion when it's obviously wrong. You have many other compliments and accomplishments to let this one comment affect you."

They all meant well. And they validated me.

But I'm a people pleaser. Why didn't this one person like me? 

"You shouldn't give a fuck about what others think of you."

I know ... but how the hell do you do that??!?!!?!

Does it stem from low self-esteem?

I shouldn't be suffering from that. I know my worth. It's taken a long time to find that inside.

Does is stem from not truly understanding yourself?

I could see that. I'm still trying to figure out the way my brain works and how to better myself. I don't think one SHOULD fully understand themselves because you SHOULD want to better yourself. 

You're not going to please everyone. I get it. But why be rude about it. It cut deep. 

Complimented everyone who was with me ... but blatantly called me out. Was it to stop me from doing what I do? Was it to give me some sort of punishment? Or whatever I did to you hurt soooo badly - hurt your character soooo much - Hurt your manhood soooo much - that you needed me to dwell on it and cause me pain as well?

Because that's what you did.

But it's cool. I will learn to live with your comments and will use them to better myself. Because my supporters are right. You're just one person, and I shouldn't beat myself up because of your lame, cowardly comments (because you couldn't say it to my face). I will use your foolish comments to help me grow - both in my profession and mentally.

I too want to learn how to not give a fuck. But until then, your comments will get me closer to that goal. You can push me down, but you can't stop me from getting back up.

You Are What Your Mind Is | 'Werkit' Out Wednesday

Today sucked. 


I woke up too tired. I woke up to grumpy. I didn't want to do anything. 

However, since I started the Strolling Eagles group (part of TeamRWB El Paso), I knew I had to get out of the house and get up with them to do our weekly Wednesday 5K. 

Now, I've been having issues with my stroller keeping air in it's tires. I don't know if it's the desert out here, the heat or if it's just my luck. I have horrible luck with tires. Ask anyone of my friends. I'm always changing a tire on the car, the truck, or pumping air into my stroller. 

The best lesson in life that my dad ever gave me was how to change a tire on the car. Fathers out there ... Make sure you teach your daughter  (or son) how to change a tire. 

It's a very important life lesson. 

Anyways, I did not want to work out today at all, so the fact that I had to put air in the tire again, get my butt all the way to Fort Bliss, and still have to put on a happy face when I see the ladies  ... because actually, I am happy to see them, I just don't want to run. 

By the time I got to Fort Bliss, I was ready to run and get it over. However, we waited, out of courtesy for another woman, who was running a little late. 

Face it,

We know what happens when you have little kids and you're trying to get out the door ... I mean look at me. I really didn't want to come out. 

Either way, we waited 10 minutes and I think that's what got me. My body was like, "Well you're here but you're not running ... so let's just go and be more grumpy."


We finally stepped out on foot through the trail. The trail is dirt, but it's like a graded dirt. It's still hard on a stroller ... pushing a 26 pound child ... and with freshly watered from sprinklers. Not to mention that the tired I just pumped up is now going flat. 

Yeah. 

I was not happy. 

Totally wasn't feeling it, was getting tired, and the sun was hot. It just didn't feel right. My brain was definitely beating my body. 

Luckily, the women that I run with are very supportive and when someone would pass me, they would cheer me on. One lady walked with me for a little bit. But the whole fact is that my brain beat me. 

The brain is the most powerful muscle in your body and if it says it's not going to do something, it's not going to do something. You have to trick it , and tell it that it's not in charge right now. 

Now, we don't want it to totally stop working because we all know what happens when people don't use their brains. However, if we make it work for us and make it think what we want it to think ,we can accomplish anything. 

That's in an any life situation. 

When you're running and you don't want to or you're trying to get to that extra mile you don't want to or if you're trying to get that job and it just seems too out of reach or if you can't reach that promotion that you been trying to get. 

You really have to believe in yourself.

If it's something you really want to accomplish, you're going to accomplish it and you've got to find a way to how to. Whether that's tricking your brain into thinking that you can do it or excepting defeat and try again. 

It's not an issue to accept defeat because sometimes our goals maybe unattainable at the moment. You can't beat yourself up if you don't make it, you try, try again. 

That's one big thing in my family. We never say we can't do something. 

We always try and if we don't succeed, we'll try again or will try to do it a different way. 

I know I won't be the best runner out there. However, if I can be my own personal last timed event, Then I have succeeded in something. 

There's always going to be someone better than you, no matter what you might succeed in. You may succeed in one thing but fail in another. Or you might not succeed in anything but you might just reach that standard and that's okay. 

That's you.

I'm sort of talking in circles right now but the whole fact is that you have to believe in yourself and you have to change your mindset on how you want to achieve your goals or achieve the day. 

If you want to be grumpy all day long, then be grumpy all day long. That's fine. Just understand that if you're grumpy all day long, then your kids will be grumpy all day long, your spouse will be grumpy all day long, whoever you encounter will be grumpy because you're setting off that vibe to everyone. 

Try, just try, to see the good in whatever situation arises. Don't mask it just realize there is a good to a bad. 

I didn't want to go out today and the pharmacy wouldn't fill my sons prescription (a whole other stupid story),  now I have to go to the doctor and do a whole new prescription for him. Blah blah blah.... BUT I still went to that run and I let out that anger on the track ...even though it wasn't my best run.

Not even close.

Though, I can see that if I had gone home and sulked, it would've been a lazy, lazy day and I wouldn't have accomplished anything.

And I would be completely MISERABLE. 

Today's going to be busy, but I've set my mind to accomplish what I need to accomplish today and we'll see how it goes.

Good Luck y'all!

You be YOU!