Not Giving a F*ck | My Hot Mess

Do people really not care what others think of them? 

Like, do they say they don’t - act like they don’t, but then go home to the quietness or lay in bed in the darkness and think about what others have said. 

I mean, I feel like we were built to people please - or at least attempt to be seen as “good and righteous” in the eyes of others. If someone says something about you and you truly don’t give a flying fuck - are you being true to yourself? 

I really want to know. 

I try to not care - I’m a grown woman and in my teenage years I spent way too much time and effort on trying to appease people that didn’t care about me and in the long term, didn’t even matter to me. Lots of wasted time.

So, I feel like I’ve learned from that experience and now only put effort to what will help me grow and build better relationships, but will make me mentally stronger. 

But no matter how hard I try- people get to me. I’m a person who strives to be the best version of myself. 

Yes, I have my faults and I can agree with you on that, but I try to not let people down on a day to day basis. The worst "punishment" to me while growing up was when my father (only once) told me "You disappointed me." And I deserved that because what I did was stupid and definitely the wrong thing to do.

How can one person’s opinion of me affect me to the point I’m writing this blog?! 

One comment. One measly comment that said I wasn't adequate enough to do what I do that it attacked my brain into rethinking I'm not as good as I thought I was.

What the hell.

How do you bounce back from that?

Many friends tried to comfort me.

"It was only one comment, Shari."

"A fluke -- just a fluke, Shari."

"You don't need to worry about one's opinion when it's obviously wrong. You have many other compliments and accomplishments to let this one comment affect you."

They all meant well. And they validated me.

But I'm a people pleaser. Why didn't this one person like me? 

"You shouldn't give a fuck about what others think of you."

I know ... but how the hell do you do that??!?!!?!

Does it stem from low self-esteem?

I shouldn't be suffering from that. I know my worth. It's taken a long time to find that inside.

Does is stem from not truly understanding yourself?

I could see that. I'm still trying to figure out the way my brain works and how to better myself. I don't think one SHOULD fully understand themselves because you SHOULD want to better yourself. 

You're not going to please everyone. I get it. But why be rude about it. It cut deep. 

Complimented everyone who was with me ... but blatantly called me out. Was it to stop me from doing what I do? Was it to give me some sort of punishment? Or whatever I did to you hurt soooo badly - hurt your character soooo much - Hurt your manhood soooo much - that you needed me to dwell on it and cause me pain as well?

Because that's what you did.

But it's cool. I will learn to live with your comments and will use them to better myself. Because my supporters are right. You're just one person, and I shouldn't beat myself up because of your lame, cowardly comments (because you couldn't say it to my face). I will use your foolish comments to help me grow - both in my profession and mentally.

I too want to learn how to not give a fuck. But until then, your comments will get me closer to that goal. You can push me down, but you can't stop me from getting back up.

Knowing Your Business | Girl Boss

Guys, being your own boss is amazing. 

I'm not going to lie.

But it also sucks.

You always have to answer to yourself. You always have to hold yourself accountable. You always blame yourself when monies aren't looking right. You always get angry at yourself when things go awry. There's no one else to blame but YOURSELF.

I'm in a creative business. I'm a photographer. There's a lot of heart that goes into my services that I provide and I take a lot of pride in that.

When someone insults my work (with not legit reason) or how I run things, I take it hard. I don't let it break me, but it does make me want to rethink how I do things.

HOWEVER -- 

When this happens to me, its very few and far. So, that being said - the majority of my clients (the clients I want to keep coming back to me) love my work and how I run my business. I have a ton of positive feedback that proves this. Shit, I've been in business for five years now. I'm reaching that goal mark in my business plan that allows me to say, "I've made it longer than most self-employed business owners."

And I can honestly say, my work speaks for itself. I recently had a message that bothered me and I made a Facebook rant ... I know, I know -- girl stop the drama. But I want y'all to know this and take this into perspective - no matter what sort of business you have:

I'm just gonna put this out there, you can grab it or you can turn away:

When you buy something online, you HAVE to pay the full price for it to get shipped to you. You HAVE to rely on the fact that the pictures speak for themselves and that the company you are ordering from is legit. It may or may not fit. It may or may not be the right color. It may or may not be what you wanted, but you had to pay the full price. You read over the return policy (or not) but either way, the company is not going to say, "Oh sure! Pay half now and half when you get your product." Because of course, you (or other consumers) will definitely pay the rest of the payment once you have the product in hand and love it .... 

Same thing goes for photographers people. No, I'm not going to let you put some money down for a photo session "just in case you don't like the images." What an insult to my work. You are paying for a service, and I will be giving you that service whether you like the images or not. But more than likely, you're going to love that service because I care about you. I want you to LOVE your images. I will ensure you're satisfied. So, I'm sorry -- if you don't want to pay up front, I'm not the photographer for you. I'm not afraid to say no, because this is my business and I'm proud of it.

 Guys, it's so hard to get people to understand the difference between paying more for a small business than paying less from a HUGE company. You're getting personalize service. I've written numerous "rants" on Facebook. And sometimes, you just need perspective:

It frustrates the hell out of me when people don't appreciate the time and love that goes into creating an image for them. If you simply just want someone to click the damn button, get your mom to do that or set a self timer. Don't question me why I am priced the way I am. It's called making a living and before you go pay $6 for a coffee, $150 for a pair of shoes, or $250 for a dress -- all from businesses that could care less if they got your money or not because they are already banking, think of the small businesses who take the time to personalize their service to Y.O.U. 

Small businesses don't just take your money and wave good bye, small businesses ensure that the money you are paying is for exactly what you want -- creative or not. They call you to make sure you got the gallery link, they ensure that everything makes sense when you ordering and even catch mistakes you may have made in the ordering process to ensure you're getting the best deal. They personally review every product you are to receive to ensure quality. They take time away from their own families to ensure your family gets the best and greatest. They sometimes check emails when they are technically aren't within business hours. They check their calendars to see if they could possibly squeeze you in even though they really just want to spend that time with their own family. They ensure you are completely satisfied and they hope you'll be a returning customer again and again. 

There's a lot a small business owner does for a client, don't question why they charge the way they do. Every number has been calculated to ensure cost of business, taxes, equipment costs and in hopes there will still be some left over for some sort of income. But really, a small business owner is running his or her own business because they love what the do. If you don't want to pay what a small business owner charges, then go somewhere else, but think before you question them on why they charge the way they do. 

If you want Walmart prices, you're going to get Walmart quality. If you like Walmart quality and service, continue to go to them and leave small business owners alone. There's no need to publicly question them in hopes of discrediting them.
thank you.

**steps off soap box**

I take everything to heart guys. I need you to be as proud and confident as I appear on Facebook to be. Yes, I still struggle with doubt and always think I could've done better. I still seek out compliments from people and I still wish I was "as good as so-and-so." BUT I think that's good. You always want to strive for better, because if you already think you're the best - there's no room for growth.

Girl Bosses out there - own your worth! You are worth every single penny! 

Stay true to yourselves ladies!