A Change in the Mix | My Hot Mess

We are in deep doo-doo here guys.

I haven't blogged in a while because, well, I did a thing.

Actually,

BIRTHED a thing.

A GIRL.

Guys, we have gone from a family of a husband, a wife, two boys, two male dogs and a male cat to adding another female in the mix.

A human baby girl.

I'm no longer a mommy of boys!

Not only do I have to get used to having three children, but I gotta get used to all the girlie things.

Which let's be honest, is amazing. Like, I'm not too set on society norms ... pink means girl, blue means boy kinda shit. But I mean, it IS different having a baby girl in the house now.

And I love it.

Like, my two loud, obnoxious, rough boys are learning to be gentle and more "soft."

.... As much as an ADHD hormonal boy can and a (now) FOUR year old can.

Maybe she will bring calm to our world. Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice -- right?

A momma can hope right?

Even up to my last night being pregnant, walking up to the hospital, I wasn't 100% convinced the tiny human growing inside me was a girl. After all... I had the shirt and all!

Sure, we had bought a few girlie things. An outfit here, a pink bow there ... but the majority of the "stuff" we got was still gender neutral (or hand me downs from the boys). I was just too afraid to commit to the ultra sound that said "Girl." I mean, after all, I WAS a momma of boys. 

People thought I was crazy when I posted the Instagram pic that said the gender was in an envelope and wouldn't be opened for another month or two until we had our photo session. 

"I couldn't last that long!"

"How are you not peeking at the envelope?"

"It would eat me up inside not knowing!"

It was fairly easy to not look at the envelope, one - I put it where it wasn't in plain view. Two - we went a whole pregnancy not knowing what my youngest was last time. We found out his gender when I pushed him out of my belly. And three - I was convinced it was a boy anyway.

So lemme tell you my surprise when this happened:

We let the boys spray silly string to let us know if we were having a boy or girl. I had bought both blue and pink string and covered both with silver paper so we wouldn't know once the lids were off. 

Our photographer looked at the envelope away from us to ensure we couldn't see her slip the lids off and on the count of three, we were dosed in pink silly string. 

I couldn't believe it. The photographer showed me the ultra sound ... and I still didn't believe it. LOL

I had to go back for another ultra sound due to little miss not wanting to show her profile for the doc in the first ultra sound, and even then they double checked her sex ... still a girl they said. But even then, there was no way I was having a girl. Why? Because I wanted a girl so bad, but I was a momma of boys. Every time someone asked if I knew what I was having, I'd respond, "They say a girl. But nothing is final until the baby comes out!" People would giggle, but I was completely serious. Completely.

And then this little nugget came out. The first thing I asked as everyone was oh-ing and aw-ing when she came out, "Is it a girl?" No one answered. My husband was misty eyed as they put her on my chest. I lifted her up and checked in between her legs, sure enough. I was a momma of a girl now.

Why am I telling y'all this? Because I feel like a brand new momma. Sure I have the experience of how to travel with a baby, change a diaper, breastfeed ... etc ... but I have a girl now. I've never experienced taking care of a girl... at least my own little princess. 

Guys, it really is different! I have to say "she," "her," and everything! LOL and "my little girl," "my daughter" everything is different. And I love it. I really can't explain it. The boys will always have a piece of my heart and the little one that didn't make it, BUT this little rainbow girl has got me wrapped around her finger already!

I will probably have a section just for her in the blog because she has her own story to share, along with her big brothers.

So bring on the pink bows, the unicorns, the princesses, the dolls and the glitter - I'm ready. And you better believe she'll be just as tough and rough as the boys because momma don't raise no sissy-la-las. 

A Child's Worth is Challenged | Raising the Boys

So I’m going to confess something … I really don’t WANT to because I know I’ll get some backlash on this. Whether the backlash is said in public, behind a computer screen, or mumbled under your breath.

BUT

I feel like I NEED to confess this.

My eldest … my behavioral challenged son,  got suspended from school the other day because he brought a knife to school.

And not just a pocket knife, but a military grade knife.

Why you ask?

Because – and this is in his own words – he wanted to prove his worth to another child.

Yeah.

So --- This post is going to hit on three things here: the importance of teaching weapon safety, the importance to know a military child versus a civilian child, and child self esteem.

ONE – Obviously we agree with the school and the punishment and all that shit. I mean, I get it. It was a dumb thing my son did and luckily no one got hurt. And blah blah blah. I get it. To further his punishment, I made him write an essay on the importance of weapon safety and why we don’t bring weapons to school. He honestly didn’t think what he was doing was a bad choice. He just wanted to show off the knife. In the end, he cut himself. Not horribly, but he actually hurt himself in the process. So, really – he taught himself the importance of weapon safety.  He will read his essay to the princpals and his teacher – hopefully in front of the class so that he gets some “public shaming” peer-to-peer learning as well.

TWO – This leads me to the whole military child versus a civilian child. He brought to school a military grade knife. Not your typical Swiss Army Knife, but a knife that is longer than 6 inches and could do a lot of damage. If it had been about a half inch larger, he would have been expelled.

I get it. He shouldn’t have done this. I do, I really, truly understand why he was punished and that he F’d up. BUT – now hear me out, he’s the child of two military parents, two military grandparents, and 4 military great grandparents. It’s in his genes to not be normal when it comes to weapons.

Military child know about war. The hazards, the victims, the reason, and the allure. They make anything into guns, anything into knives, and anything becomes a bad guy versus good guy. Because that’s whats ingrained into their brains from birth. ESPECIALLY the military child of today. We have been at war for their entire lives. The chance of them having a parent or other family member at war is super ridiculous – even know the toll of multiple deployments. Face it civilian world, when a military child does anything – they’re going to do it to the fullest of MILITARY. So of course the kid he wanted to show off to had a smaller knife … he doesn’t have access to military grade knives! My child wanted to prove something and he did, “My knife is bigger (and cooler) than yours.”

THREE – Which brings me to conclude with a child’s self-esteem.  After our initial shock/anger of our sweet, 10 year old child bringing a weapon to school, things calmed down and I asked him why he did it. He shook his head and looked down at the ground. He had gotten caught with a knife that another student (rightfully so) told the teacher about and my son was going to be in really big trouble.

He eventually narc’d out another child who had brought a knife to school that day too – a child that my son seems to get into trouble with all the time. Who’s the bad influence here? I’m going to say the other child … because, well, I’m defending my child. LOL but that’s not the point. The point is, my son got teary-eyed and said, “[Child’s name] told me I meant nothing to him.”

Ouch.

I know right? My son continued to explain that this child is sometimes nice to him but most of the time he’s mean. I asked why he hangs out with this child then, and he shrugged his shoulders. Obviously, this child has some sort of power over my son, that my son will pretty much do anything for him. And I can relate.

Growing up, I had a “friend” who I would have done anything for just to get her to notice me or show my value to her. I get it. Friends are everything at this age. Children value their peer’s praise. They set their own worth on how others see them. And I don’t know how to fix that. I’ve, on multiple occasions, told my son how much he’s worth and the only person who can decide his worth is HIM.

But it’s not that easy is it?

How can we help our children see their worth? Our children are losing a battle right now. Society is changing so quickly and value/worth is seen through interaction with others  - and that is skewed because interaction with others sit behind computer screens now.  Children are committing suicide due to cyber-bullying. I mean, what the hell is wrong with our society right now?

Even though my son’s interaction with this other child was face to face and not over the internet, it was still very potent. Someone telling him he was nothing set into motion a series of events that lead to poor decisions on my son’s part. Luckily, no one was injured and hopefully we have taught him a lesson. But how dare that child say that.

And where do you think that child learned that? I’m not insinuating anything, but apparently, we (as parents/guardians) need to be better mentors to our children. They hear everything. They will mimic what they see. Be kind people … be kind.

And lock up your knives.