Don't Reinvent the Wheel | "Werkit" Out Wednesday

I’m not afraid to admit that sometimes when I need to work out and it need to be a QUICK workout, I go to Pinterest.

There’s all kinds of cool pins that deal with workouts that hit certain parts of your body. Why reinvent the wheel to make your own??

Here’s one that I did. (HERE)

I needed the workout to be real quick. I can't remember why I needed it to be fast ... but I assume it was because my life is chaotic and the kiddos were crazy and I just needed it  to be quick.

Really don't need a reason I suppose!

So, the littles and I did a quick run and then I looked up on Pinterest and scored this awesome workout score work out.

The children did not want to cooperate at all.

They were all over the place running around and jumping on me (basically, being themselves). 

I grabbed a toy for the little girl to kind of chill and play with. My son played on his bike for a little bit. He also worked out his core with me for a little bit. 

But mostly he just bugged his little sister. There was a lot of "don’t do this," "don’t do that," "stop that," "don’t touch her," or "leave her alone," and "why did you take that" and so on and on. 

However, I got my workout on. It was a beautiful day. AND the kids got to see me trying to stay healthy.

Hopefully, this will encourage you and my children to just do it. 

Even if you steal borrow a workout from someone else!

Dealing with Autism | Raising the Boys

Autism.

This is our life now. The meltdowns. The constant repeating of tasks. The continuous bickering of a too literal big brother and a little brother who just doesn’t care for facts.

This is us.

Shirt by Sunshine & Spoons

The chaos will always follow us. We will always come in full force and interrupt your quiet. I’ll always be the strict mom and I’ll always be the momma bear. 

My boxing gloves will always be on to fight for him at school and my apologies will come like second nature for behavior.

Little brother will always be the antagonizer - no matter what.

I’m not sure what little sister’s roll in this mess will be but I do know she’s teaching him responsibility and patience.

I know I haven’t blogged much about what’s going on in our family - I mean the holidays came fast and furious with lots of sugar, excitement and more stimulants then you can count.

We are exhausted.

Now with 2019 here and his 12th birthday behind us we I can refocus and blog/journal more about our experiences.

I finally bit the bullet and joined multiple autism support groups on Facebook. I wanted to see how others deal with this diagnoses but mostly I wanted to finally talk to people who understand. ADHD/High Functioning & Autism is a bitch. Mix in puberty and ohhhhh hell. 

Watch out. 

I don’t know what the diagnosis is and what puberty is. His actions are all over the place. He’s started to get more agitated and less patient to the unknown.

I learned the word “stemming” recently and boy, does that bring a lot more knowledge to what he does & why. Stemming is something an autistic person does to calm, concentrate, focus, and/or protect themselves when things get chaotic, too exciting, too scary, too boring etc.

My son has two types of stemming I’ve noticed so far - when frustrated he brings his hand to his head and squeezes (sorta like pulling his hair as well). And he also flaps his arms - he calls it dancing but to me is more like flapping. Before we would make him stop flapping because, well, it looks ridiculous. But now that I know what it is- we are trying to ignore it.

The squeezing of the head is a little more worrisome only because it sometimes involves him hitting his head on a wall or punching himself. Though, we don’t want him to hurt himself, it’s great to know why he is doing it so we can slow down and rethink how to approach him. 

The women I’ve talked to thru these Facebook groups (and close friends who are going through their own struggles) empathize and relate. They also bring up how they’ve dealt as well as sometimes tell me to suck it up because I was chosen to be his momma and no one else. And I love their tough love because well, autism is our life now.

Shirts by Sunshine & Spoons

Ready or not.

It won’t run us, but it will guide us.

Parenting is Hard | Raising the Boys

*Disclaimer: I understand I now have a daughter - but the boys are still the main focus of this section ... they have a little bit more attitude at the moment and lot more laughable moments. Soon she may have her own section or added to this section. But Not just yet - we shall see how her personality grows!

Did I miss the instruction manual section when we were discharged from the hospital? 

Did you guys get one?

You know what I'm talking about.

The "How to be the coolest parent ever and raise a perfect gentleman" book?

No?

There's no "Easy Button?"

'Cause I'd pay a pretty penny to just push the easy button right about now.

Y'all should know about my Autistic/ADHD preteen by now, and if not HERE is the link. I feel like I'm going to be constantly looking at him with  the "What the hell is your problem" facial expression for the rest of my life. The second I feel like I'm understanding him and getting him - he turns around with another issue or quirk that has me second guessing why I decided to become a mother.

Then there's the four year old who's finding his own place in the family. He's now the middle child and he is making it real apparent that he will not be "forgotten" or "pushed aside." We would never do that intentionally, but you know how the stereotype is when it comes to the middle child. His attitude and antagonizing ways of late have been - to say the least - getting on my last nerve.

If you happen to find my patience ... can you please tell her come back? Could really use her sound judgment and constant reminding that these boys are learning. They're learning to be decent humans while trying to find their own in this crazy world.

Parenting is Hard y'all.

I question why I decided becoming a parent was a good thing. I think being the cool aunt who does fun and exciting things with her nephews would've suited me better AND helped keep me sane. I'm pretty sure if our neighbors ever reported me to law - I'd be admitted for insanity. These boys are killing me. Forget them living to 18 years old ... I may not see them turn 18 years old.

Even though the doc says I'm in great health, I feel like my blood pressure should be through the roof. I feel like my mental health has declined and I feel like I'm physically deteriorating because of the stress and hassle I put up with every single day. If it wasn't for the help of friends, family, and my husband for allowing my to do "me time" every so often - I'd be dead. Seriously.

I've read multiple parenting books ... I normally don't make it through them because my ideas of parenting and there's don't align. I've gone to multiple therapy appointments and tried multiple strategies to keep the chaos to a minimum in my family. I've tried family meetings, I've tried the "yes method," I've tried no yelling - I've tried yelling. We've spanked and we've done time outs. I've done the "how do you feel about your actions" strategy and I've done the "no" strategy. We have multiple behavior, chore, and goal charts. I have a "write 3 good things that happened today" journal and I have this blog. I'm running out of ideas, wall space and patience ... well the patience is gone. What else is there to do?

Then there's moments when we are sitting on the couch and my toddler curls up next me and falls asleep on my shoulder. Or when he walks up to me and hugs me. The other day a friend overheard him say that he had the best mom ever. I mean ... that must mean I'm doing something right .... right?

Or when my preteen finally looks me in the eye and says, "That was the best family hike we've ever went on. It was really fun." Or when he picks up his little sister when she's crying and comforts her. When a complete stranger compliments him on his good manners or looks at me and says, "you're doing a good job with this young man."

There's something going right in this house I suppose.

Parenting is hard. When do we truly know what we are doing with our children is the right thing? When will the "reward" outweigh the hard times? I'm told I'll miss these days of them being young and running around the house. I believe these fairy tales ... I really do. But they are also very hard to imagine at this point in my parenting life. We shall see.

We shall see.

Another 10 Days with our Elf on the Shelf | My Hot Mess

He always brings fun things for the boys to do. Making memories for them. At least I hope they remember these things when they're older.

Hopefully you poor, poor, unfortunate soles who have an Elf on the Shelf read my first 10 days with our crazy fellow of an elf, Raheem, HERE. If not, you should. 20 days with an Elf can be exhausting ... actually 22 but, we had an accident and he was on bed rest -- you should read the posting HERE.

Any way, here are the last 10 days with our good buddy. Apparently, Star Wars antics are always a pleasure. Especially when Darth Vader uses the force for evil ...

He even decorates his own tree every year. You should really check out my photography page HERE and see more fun Elf shenanigans.

 Of course, we do celebrate WHY we do Christmas ... We love Santa but we aren't naive. I mean, we learn about the "why," the "legend of St. Nick," and of course other religions' holidays.

We get cute silly ...

But we also get progress reports from Santa. Sometimes Raheem tries the dog biscuits and says, "worst cookie ever!" Haha! I made myself giggle with that one.

He always comes with Reindeer food the day he's supposed to go home. The boys hug him and say their good byes once he's packed up and ready for Santa to take him home.

It's all cute and shit right? I mean, I really do love seeing the joy in my boys' eyes when they spot the elf. Or comment on the shenanigans. But BOY! What a nightmare trying to figure out what to do for a whole month. And those crazies, moms, who do it right after Thanksgiving?! You are my hero, because I think next year I'm doing it for WAY less days!

Till next time!

A Change in the Mix | My Hot Mess

We are in deep doo-doo here guys.

I haven't blogged in a while because, well, I did a thing.

Actually,

BIRTHED a thing.

A GIRL.

Guys, we have gone from a family of a husband, a wife, two boys, two male dogs and a male cat to adding another female in the mix.

A human baby girl.

I'm no longer a mommy of boys!

Not only do I have to get used to having three children, but I gotta get used to all the girlie things.

Which let's be honest, is amazing. Like, I'm not too set on society norms ... pink means girl, blue means boy kinda shit. But I mean, it IS different having a baby girl in the house now.

And I love it.

Like, my two loud, obnoxious, rough boys are learning to be gentle and more "soft."

.... As much as an ADHD hormonal boy can and a (now) FOUR year old can.

Maybe she will bring calm to our world. Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice -- right?

A momma can hope right?

Even up to my last night being pregnant, walking up to the hospital, I wasn't 100% convinced the tiny human growing inside me was a girl. After all... I had the shirt and all!

Sure, we had bought a few girlie things. An outfit here, a pink bow there ... but the majority of the "stuff" we got was still gender neutral (or hand me downs from the boys). I was just too afraid to commit to the ultra sound that said "Girl." I mean, after all, I WAS a momma of boys. 

People thought I was crazy when I posted the Instagram pic that said the gender was in an envelope and wouldn't be opened for another month or two until we had our photo session. 

"I couldn't last that long!"

"How are you not peeking at the envelope?"

"It would eat me up inside not knowing!"

It was fairly easy to not look at the envelope, one - I put it where it wasn't in plain view. Two - we went a whole pregnancy not knowing what my youngest was last time. We found out his gender when I pushed him out of my belly. And three - I was convinced it was a boy anyway.

So lemme tell you my surprise when this happened:

We let the boys spray silly string to let us know if we were having a boy or girl. I had bought both blue and pink string and covered both with silver paper so we wouldn't know once the lids were off. 

Our photographer looked at the envelope away from us to ensure we couldn't see her slip the lids off and on the count of three, we were dosed in pink silly string. 

I couldn't believe it. The photographer showed me the ultra sound ... and I still didn't believe it. LOL

I had to go back for another ultra sound due to little miss not wanting to show her profile for the doc in the first ultra sound, and even then they double checked her sex ... still a girl they said. But even then, there was no way I was having a girl. Why? Because I wanted a girl so bad, but I was a momma of boys. Every time someone asked if I knew what I was having, I'd respond, "They say a girl. But nothing is final until the baby comes out!" People would giggle, but I was completely serious. Completely.

And then this little nugget came out. The first thing I asked as everyone was oh-ing and aw-ing when she came out, "Is it a girl?" No one answered. My husband was misty eyed as they put her on my chest. I lifted her up and checked in between her legs, sure enough. I was a momma of a girl now.

Why am I telling y'all this? Because I feel like a brand new momma. Sure I have the experience of how to travel with a baby, change a diaper, breastfeed ... etc ... but I have a girl now. I've never experienced taking care of a girl... at least my own little princess. 

Guys, it really is different! I have to say "she," "her," and everything! LOL and "my little girl," "my daughter" everything is different. And I love it. I really can't explain it. The boys will always have a piece of my heart and the little one that didn't make it, BUT this little rainbow girl has got me wrapped around her finger already!

I will probably have a section just for her in the blog because she has her own story to share, along with her big brothers.

So bring on the pink bows, the unicorns, the princesses, the dolls and the glitter - I'm ready. And you better believe she'll be just as tough and rough as the boys because momma don't raise no sissy-la-las. 

Should You "Niche?" | Girl Boss

Ever since the beginning ...

That sounds like I'm going to get all philosophical, huh?

Ever since the beginning ... of my hobby turned professional business, I've heard the words,

"Find your Niche."

Niche.

Watchu mean my "niche?"

I'm a photographer. 

That's my niche ... bitch.

LOL

Sorry had to.

But seriously, all the successful photographers - or at least whom I viewed as successful, were telling me to pick a niche and stick to it.

Meaning, pick a genre to photograph and nothing more.

Because my background is in photojournalism and thats really wear my heart lays --

I chose to tell people I specialize in events.

I normally get the "oh ..."

Meaning, they don't have an "event" to photograph, they want portraits so I'm not the one for them.

This is where I play catch up and follow with, "But I like to call myself a lifestyle photographer because I don't like posing families. I mean, what three year old is going to sit perfectly still in front of my lens for an hour session? I let you guys be ... well YOU. We have fun on our sessions and nothing really is 'posed' per say, we will definitely have fun and you'll get great family portraits out of it."

Phew. Saved right?

Well, sorta. I book the client, we have fun, they love their pictures, it gets posted on my Facebook page or Blog and that's that.

I recently put an ad together for my Facebook cover and realized ... I photograph pretty much everything ...

(Watch in HD on YouTube)

But those "portraits" aren't my niche are they?

Or when I wanna get creative and I ask for a volunteer model and we get creative. I now have a beautiful portrait of a model and now headshots are being asked for by other models.

What about the vendor that asked me to photograph their products? Heck yeah. I'll support another small business.

Or the client who has been coming to me for all their life's moments? Their engagement, their wedding, their newborn ....

ERRRRRRRRRRR?! What?! (those were tire screech marks if you couldn't tell)

I do NOT do newborn. But for them, I decided to ... and I put my own spin to it. "

Lifestyle Newborn"

And they loved it.

I tried boudoir for Valentines Day ... nope, not my niche ... but I tried it.

Basically, what I'm alluding to is that my niche isn't a niche at all. It's about me trying.

It's my business, I get to run it how I want. 

I can say yes to one session and no to another. If I wanna give it a try, I'll give it a try.

Does this work for everyone? No ... but it appears to work for me.

But I am a photojournalistic, lifestyle photographer who loves natural light and capturing moments as they happen. That's my niche.

But let's get one thing straight, if you want boudoir or posed newborn images ... I am NOT the photographer for you. But I will point you in the right direction to someone WAY better at those niche's than I!

;)

Run your business how you see fit, girlfriend.

After all, you are the Girl Boss.

When Do You Call It? | Wearing Stripes

That time has come again ....

The infamous call from the retention NCO from my unit.

"You're in your re-enlistment window SFC Wells ... what would you like to do?"

Well, frankly -- I don't want you to call me and remind me of this evil-ness. LOL 

I mean, that's what I really wanted to say.

I didn't, of course.

I answered truthfully though.

"I don't know."

I really don't.

I've done this Army thing for 14 years now. I'm in the home stretch. But 6 more years seems soooooo far away. And I mean, it really is. A lot can happen in 6 years.

I know for sure there will be another PCS back to Bragg. I know there will be a third child in the mix. I know I'm up for promotion again. I know I STILL haven't deployed and probably should do something about that in the near future ... I know I enjoy training new soldiers but I also know this:

• I hate having to ensure I hit my monthly quota of drills.
• I hate wearing the uniform in the heat.
• I hate all the paperwork I need to keep up with ... and all the slideshow presentations I need to sit through.
• I hate the "game" of the Army.
• I hate how annoying it is that drills seem to always fall on fun family outings or community events.
• I hate dealing with self-righteous senior-enlisted leaders who assume they're always right.
• I hate how I have to drop everything in my civilian life to accommodate the Army Reserve.
• I hate how the units' out there say they're looking out for their soldiers, but really it's all about the Army.
• And the biggest thing, even if I last to 20 years to retire, I can't touch my retirement pay (prorated because everything in the Reserve is prorated like you're a prorated soldier or something) until I'm 60/65 years old. What kinda BS is that?!

So what's the sense? 

Should I re-enlist?

Should I say F it?

Am I ready to say goodbye to quietly saying I'm a Reservist? I'm I ready to just be an Army spouse?

I just don't know.

I like showing my CAC card at the gate rather than my brown dependent card. It's a pride thing. It's little, but it makes me feel good when the gate guard welcomes me as "ma'am" then says goodbye with "Sergeant."

It's like, "yeah buddy ... I'm pretty badass and I'm a young ass SFC so bow to me..." 

No, I kid ... sorta. But it really is an ego booster when people are like "Oh! You're in the army too?"

Yeah bitches!

LOL ....

But as you can see, there's is a lot of "hates" that come with the "loves" and I just don't know if the loves outweigh the hates anymore.

How do you guys make big career decisions? 'Cause right now, I'm at a loss.

I Lost My Toddler | Raising the Boys

Never in a million years would I have thought he'd actually run away.

Nope.

He's thrown body-gone-limp tantrums before in which I just let go and walk away.

But he's always came running back to me with tears in his eyes.

He's crossed his arms and stopped walking in front of toy/candy stores and I've kept walking proclaiming, "Bye then."

But he's always yelled after me, "No! Don't leave me!"

He's.

Always.

Come. 

Back.

The other day at the shopping mall was a different story.

My husband and I walked out of our Target just like any other time we had and our toddler asked, "Can I go play?"

There's a bunch of those moving kiddie rides that cost an arm and a leg to just rock back and forth in front of Target, but inside an actual shopping mall. We agreed, like we normally do but said, "just 5 minutes."

We don't put coins in the rides, but he enjoys them the same. And sometimes, just sometimes, he hops in on other people's rides and we have to act embarrassed and say, "No no no, you can't just get in there!"

But he did that too many times on this particular day and so we cut his time short. Needless to say, the toddler was not happy about that and made it clear. He cried and stomped his feet but I had his arm and we headed towards the exit.

He went limp on me.

I let go of his arm.

He laid there on the ground, crying.

I began to walk away, my husband turned his back with me and we both said, "Okay, Bye!"

We walked about 8-10 feet away, I stopped turned around and my toddler was no longer on the ground.

In fact, I couldn't see him anywhere.

I looked at my husband, "He's gone."

"What?" my husband asked looking around.

We both walked back to the rides and searched in and around them. We walked behind the rides a little to see if ran the opposite direction.

Nope.

We walked back towards the exit to see if he had just ran by and we didn't see him.

Nope.

An older gentleman cleared his throat, "He ran that way." He pointed towards Target's entrance.

I got my husband's attention and we both went into Target again.

No Toddler to be found.

I walked back out while my husband walked further into Target. A younger woman was paying attention to our semi-panic and was moving her head around trying to look for my toddler too.

"He ran into the Target and went that way," she pointed to the right in which would've been in front of the cashiers' lines and the customer service area of Target. So, I went back into Target and walked the whole line from one exit to the other searching for my Toddler.

Surprisingly, my heart wasn't in a panic yet. I was fairly confident I would find him. I know my Toddler. He always comes back.

He ALWAYS comes back.

I reached the other exit and still had no toddler.

This is when my hands started to shake. I walked out the second exit, the one that is also close to the shopping center exit that leads to a huge parking lot to the left ...

Suddenly I heard, "You don't know where your mommy is?"

I looked to my right and there was my Toddler -pouty face, arms crossed, eyebrows furred.

A woman was trying to get information out of my toddler and stranger danger came into effect. I was briskly walking in the opposite direction of the shopping mall exit and I exclaimed, "I'm right here!"

The woman sighed a sigh of relief and walked into Target as my toddler ran to me ... but hesitantly.

He knew he was in the wrong.

I asked, "Why did you run away? You know you're not supposed to leave mommy."

I sat him down on the red bench and reached for my cell to inform my husband that I had found him.

"I'm very upset with you," I said to my toddler.

My toddler cried and wanted to get off the bench. But I informed him that it was a timeout. I explained that the lady was nice enough to try to help him but there are other people who could have taken him away for ever.

Was it the right technique? Meh. I dunno. But I was pretty upset, and so was my husband.

I'm hoping that my toddler learned a lesson. I know I did ... I can't just walk away anymore. He's getting more and more independent by the day and I know what he was thinking.

The Target cashiers are parallel to the shopping center hallway, so he was going to just cut us off at the shopping center exit but go through the Target area. He didn't expect us to stop and turn around. I mean, he's little toddler brain doesn't know that the hallway and the cashier lines are about a tenth of a mile long and there's no way mom and dad would NOT turn around to check on their baby. Luckily though, he says he didn't go outside the automatic doors that led to the parking lot. That was my fear... that he'd gone out there and my little baby would've been totally exposed to anyone.

And thank God for his crankiness when it comes to adults talking to him. Normally I get embarrassed of his crass looks and sharp tongue to strangers ... but that day, I'm thankful (even if the lady was just trying to help him) he took stranger danger seriously.

I do not want to lose my toddler again ... unless he's 18 and ready to move out of my house.

Playground Workout | 'Werk it Out' Wednesday

New Year, New You bullshit right?

2017 has come in like a storm and it's already the 4th day.

Don't get me wrong y'all ... I fully support any and every one who wants to get up off their asses to move. Whether it's walking around the block, doing 5 pushups, or joining a gym.

I love that.

Because I was there once.

I was just had my first child. I thought the weight would magically melt away because, shit, I was only 23 years old! My metabolism was still hight and I could eat a tub of cookie dough and not gain a pound.

Well ... I was wrong.

The weight didn't magically go away. And I was the heaviest I had been in a like .... ever. I'm not going to put down a number because my "heavy" isn't someone else's "heavy." I know there are heavier people out there, but for my build and my esteem. I was too heavy.

I had to get up off my ass and start back at it. I had to run. I had to lift weights. And I had to learn not to eat the entire tub of cookie dough.

So guys, I get it. We all start some where. What I want you guys to realize is that, just because it's a new year doesn't mean its a NEW you.

You have to work hard. You have to stay motivated and you have to lean on other for support.

Trust me, my motivation comes and goes. Sometimes I wanna run the length of the country and sometimes I just wanna pull the covers up and go to sleep. BUT -- I have motivators that come in all different ways.

1 - my sons. They look up to me. I have to stay healthy for them. I want to be here when they give me my grandchildren. Hell, I wanna be here for my grandchildren's children!

2 - I have health buddies who keep me accountable. They ensure I get to workouts. Ask how I am and are just there for me if my motivation just isn't.

3 - myself. I wanna be that hot mom -- with a few dimples of skin, mom-sag boobs and just a few wrinkles. I want to feel good about myself. I want to say that I look this way because I work hard for it ... well, I work for it... lol sometimes I think I should've pushed harder and didn't. And sometimes I just want that tub of cookie dough!

4 - my workout app. Yeah. LOL. That thing will make you feel like shit when it dings "congratulations! you've met your goal of 1 hour of sitting!" Yeah... I like seeing, "You maxed out on miles this week!" Not "Hey lazy-ass ... congrats ... you wasted another day staring at Facebook dreaming of those healthy, buff women who only eat Kale." 

5 - my sanity. I've noticed that when I skip workouts - or just the interaction with other adults - my stress level is higher, I have a shorter temper, and I just plain feel like shit. 

6 - Instagram challenges. Not only do I get to figure out a new and creative way to take a "proof" picture, it also keeps me accountable because I don't want my challengers to doubt my commitment and I want that damn prize! ;)

Guys, find your motivation. Take 2017 by the cajones and get healthy. But remember, you'll still be you. The new you will still be the same ol' person who loves cookie dough; who wants to sleep in; who wants extra butter on the popcorn; who really doesn't wanna go to the gym; and who still wants to be better.

You are awesome.

You will succeed.

And you can become a better you.

But you'll always be Y.O.U.

Let's start off the new year with these moves for a playground work out! I know you're going as crazy as I am with these buggers home during winter vacation. Don't worry guys, one 4 more days and school starts! ;)

Have fun and good luck!

(see below for work out!)

How the workout works:

Let the kids run free at the playground while you work on your HIIT. I only have three exercises today, so do them for however long you can do it. We jog to and from the park so that is our cardio, you can also throw in jumping jacks or burpees to add cardio to your HIIT!

Start with a timer of 40 seconds on and 20 seconds rest. Do all three exercises and then repeat for however long you can go.

Jump ups (Box jumps) -- be safe! Start low and work your way up! If jumping up on a ledge or  bench or playground step scares you, just step up onto them working your way up to a jump.

Step up with leg lift (alternate legs) -- using bench, step of playground, ledge, step up and lift leg behind you to tighten your rear-end. Alternate legs each time.

Elevated pushups using bench -- Using a table, ledge, bench, do close handed pushups keeping your elbows tucked into your sides. This works your triceps - no more "bat wings" for you!

Disclaimer:  I am not a doctor or health coach or any one qualified to tell you what you can and can't do with your body. You are the judge of how each exercise feels. If it hurts, don't do it. If you get hurt  doing an exercise I suggest, it's ultimately your decision to try the workout. I just offer suggestions to stay moving.