Did I miss the instruction manual section when we were discharged from the hospital?
Did you guys get one?
You know what I'm talking about.
The "How to be the coolest parent ever and raise a perfect gentleman" book?
No?
There's no "Easy Button?"
'Cause I'd pay a pretty penny to just push the easy button right about now.
Y'all should know about my Autistic/ADHD preteen by now, and if not HERE is the link. I feel like I'm going to be constantly looking at him with the "What the hell is your problem" facial expression for the rest of my life. The second I feel like I'm understanding him and getting him - he turns around with another issue or quirk that has me second guessing why I decided to become a mother.
Then there's the four year old who's finding his own place in the family. He's now the middle child and he is making it real apparent that he will not be "forgotten" or "pushed aside." We would never do that intentionally, but you know how the stereotype is when it comes to the middle child. His attitude and antagonizing ways of late have been - to say the least - getting on my last nerve.
If you happen to find my patience ... can you please tell her come back? Could really use her sound judgment and constant reminding that these boys are learning. They're learning to be decent humans while trying to find their own in this crazy world.
Parenting is Hard y'all.
I question why I decided becoming a parent was a good thing. I think being the cool aunt who does fun and exciting things with her nephews would've suited me better AND helped keep me sane. I'm pretty sure if our neighbors ever reported me to law - I'd be admitted for insanity. These boys are killing me. Forget them living to 18 years old ... I may not see them turn 18 years old.
Even though the doc says I'm in great health, I feel like my blood pressure should be through the roof. I feel like my mental health has declined and I feel like I'm physically deteriorating because of the stress and hassle I put up with every single day. If it wasn't for the help of friends, family, and my husband for allowing my to do "me time" every so often - I'd be dead. Seriously.
I've read multiple parenting books ... I normally don't make it through them because my ideas of parenting and there's don't align. I've gone to multiple therapy appointments and tried multiple strategies to keep the chaos to a minimum in my family. I've tried family meetings, I've tried the "yes method," I've tried no yelling - I've tried yelling. We've spanked and we've done time outs. I've done the "how do you feel about your actions" strategy and I've done the "no" strategy. We have multiple behavior, chore, and goal charts. I have a "write 3 good things that happened today" journal and I have this blog. I'm running out of ideas, wall space and patience ... well the patience is gone. What else is there to do?
Then there's moments when we are sitting on the couch and my toddler curls up next me and falls asleep on my shoulder. Or when he walks up to me and hugs me. The other day a friend overheard him say that he had the best mom ever. I mean ... that must mean I'm doing something right .... right?
Or when my preteen finally looks me in the eye and says, "That was the best family hike we've ever went on. It was really fun." Or when he picks up his little sister when she's crying and comforts her. When a complete stranger compliments him on his good manners or looks at me and says, "you're doing a good job with this young man."
There's something going right in this house I suppose.
Parenting is hard. When do we truly know what we are doing with our children is the right thing? When will the "reward" outweigh the hard times? I'm told I'll miss these days of them being young and running around the house. I believe these fairy tales ... I really do. But they are also very hard to imagine at this point in my parenting life. We shall see.
We shall see.
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