Preteen Emotional Roller Coaster | Raising the Boys

Stars, Stripes and Sarcasm

Walking this path we are on dealing with ADHD and Autism ... I feel like it's a mixture of rocky trail combined with soft sand. And sometimes, it feels like we are gliding through mud.

We think we are getting somewhere in our journey, but then there's a fork in the road and all of sudden we are forced to decide which way to go. One way leads to more yelling, more stress, more anger, more tantrums. The other way leads to more therapy, more visuals hung up around the house, more deep sighs and more walking away to cool off.

It doesn't seem like there's ever a right path to choose. There isn't room for error yet the whole experience is trail and error because there is no cure, there is no easy button and there definitely isn't a choice to leave the trail all together.

So what is a mom (parent) of a special needs child to do? Stick with those who understand and don't judge - which is easier said than done. BUT - that's what a parent needs to do. You'll always get people putting in their two cents about what you SHOULD be doing. But you know what, I don't care who you are. When you have an emotionally unbalanced preteen on your hands, all SHOULDS, WOULD OFS, and COULD OFS go flying out the window.

We are still trying to find a medicine concoction that will stabilize our son. We've tried many and still haven't seen the results we are looking for. Is it too much of what we are asking for? Or is this the route we take? Hormones and new meds, emotions and physical ailments. I mean, I know I was awkward as hell as a preteen ... but this, this is the worst!

My final goal (and this is mine alone) is for my son to be free of medications and have the ability to control his impulses and tantrums and emotions. Call it being a 12 year old, or a stubborn boy, but he seems to not use the tools we provide him to do so.

He's been through so many therapists that he knows how to play each and every one. He says what he's supposed to. He can recite everything that he's supposed to do. But does he do it? Nope.

How do we ensure our son's future if there is no motivation or "umph" for him to succeed as an adult?

Guys, give me the strength to survive these preteen ... and ugh, TEEN years with him. I know he is worth it. I know he can achieve great successes ... I just need that attitude and stubbornness to cease!

How do y'all survive the preteen/teen years?

Parenting is Hard | Raising the Boys

*Disclaimer: I understand I now have a daughter - but the boys are still the main focus of this section ... they have a little bit more attitude at the moment and lot more laughable moments. Soon she may have her own section or added to this section. But Not just yet - we shall see how her personality grows!

Did I miss the instruction manual section when we were discharged from the hospital? 

Did you guys get one?

You know what I'm talking about.

The "How to be the coolest parent ever and raise a perfect gentleman" book?

No?

There's no "Easy Button?"

'Cause I'd pay a pretty penny to just push the easy button right about now.

Y'all should know about my Autistic/ADHD preteen by now, and if not HERE is the link. I feel like I'm going to be constantly looking at him with  the "What the hell is your problem" facial expression for the rest of my life. The second I feel like I'm understanding him and getting him - he turns around with another issue or quirk that has me second guessing why I decided to become a mother.

Then there's the four year old who's finding his own place in the family. He's now the middle child and he is making it real apparent that he will not be "forgotten" or "pushed aside." We would never do that intentionally, but you know how the stereotype is when it comes to the middle child. His attitude and antagonizing ways of late have been - to say the least - getting on my last nerve.

If you happen to find my patience ... can you please tell her come back? Could really use her sound judgment and constant reminding that these boys are learning. They're learning to be decent humans while trying to find their own in this crazy world.

Parenting is Hard y'all.

I question why I decided becoming a parent was a good thing. I think being the cool aunt who does fun and exciting things with her nephews would've suited me better AND helped keep me sane. I'm pretty sure if our neighbors ever reported me to law - I'd be admitted for insanity. These boys are killing me. Forget them living to 18 years old ... I may not see them turn 18 years old.

Even though the doc says I'm in great health, I feel like my blood pressure should be through the roof. I feel like my mental health has declined and I feel like I'm physically deteriorating because of the stress and hassle I put up with every single day. If it wasn't for the help of friends, family, and my husband for allowing my to do "me time" every so often - I'd be dead. Seriously.

I've read multiple parenting books ... I normally don't make it through them because my ideas of parenting and there's don't align. I've gone to multiple therapy appointments and tried multiple strategies to keep the chaos to a minimum in my family. I've tried family meetings, I've tried the "yes method," I've tried no yelling - I've tried yelling. We've spanked and we've done time outs. I've done the "how do you feel about your actions" strategy and I've done the "no" strategy. We have multiple behavior, chore, and goal charts. I have a "write 3 good things that happened today" journal and I have this blog. I'm running out of ideas, wall space and patience ... well the patience is gone. What else is there to do?

Then there's moments when we are sitting on the couch and my toddler curls up next me and falls asleep on my shoulder. Or when he walks up to me and hugs me. The other day a friend overheard him say that he had the best mom ever. I mean ... that must mean I'm doing something right .... right?

Or when my preteen finally looks me in the eye and says, "That was the best family hike we've ever went on. It was really fun." Or when he picks up his little sister when she's crying and comforts her. When a complete stranger compliments him on his good manners or looks at me and says, "you're doing a good job with this young man."

There's something going right in this house I suppose.

Parenting is hard. When do we truly know what we are doing with our children is the right thing? When will the "reward" outweigh the hard times? I'm told I'll miss these days of them being young and running around the house. I believe these fairy tales ... I really do. But they are also very hard to imagine at this point in my parenting life. We shall see.

We shall see.