Preteen Emotional Roller Coaster | Raising the Boys

Stars, Stripes and Sarcasm

Walking this path we are on dealing with ADHD and Autism ... I feel like it's a mixture of rocky trail combined with soft sand. And sometimes, it feels like we are gliding through mud.

We think we are getting somewhere in our journey, but then there's a fork in the road and all of sudden we are forced to decide which way to go. One way leads to more yelling, more stress, more anger, more tantrums. The other way leads to more therapy, more visuals hung up around the house, more deep sighs and more walking away to cool off.

It doesn't seem like there's ever a right path to choose. There isn't room for error yet the whole experience is trail and error because there is no cure, there is no easy button and there definitely isn't a choice to leave the trail all together.

So what is a mom (parent) of a special needs child to do? Stick with those who understand and don't judge - which is easier said than done. BUT - that's what a parent needs to do. You'll always get people putting in their two cents about what you SHOULD be doing. But you know what, I don't care who you are. When you have an emotionally unbalanced preteen on your hands, all SHOULDS, WOULD OFS, and COULD OFS go flying out the window.

We are still trying to find a medicine concoction that will stabilize our son. We've tried many and still haven't seen the results we are looking for. Is it too much of what we are asking for? Or is this the route we take? Hormones and new meds, emotions and physical ailments. I mean, I know I was awkward as hell as a preteen ... but this, this is the worst!

My final goal (and this is mine alone) is for my son to be free of medications and have the ability to control his impulses and tantrums and emotions. Call it being a 12 year old, or a stubborn boy, but he seems to not use the tools we provide him to do so.

He's been through so many therapists that he knows how to play each and every one. He says what he's supposed to. He can recite everything that he's supposed to do. But does he do it? Nope.

How do we ensure our son's future if there is no motivation or "umph" for him to succeed as an adult?

Guys, give me the strength to survive these preteen ... and ugh, TEEN years with him. I know he is worth it. I know he can achieve great successes ... I just need that attitude and stubbornness to cease!

How do y'all survive the preteen/teen years?

Marathon of Remembrance | "Werkit Out" Wednesday

This Werkit Out Wednesday is a tad different. It's not sharing a workout rather explaining my experience of my first marathon.

I know right?!? A MARATHON? Why Shari? Why?

Shit, I don't know why. I really don't.

But I do know it was an experience that I wanted to share with you. Something so important to me that it took my a while to put my thoughts together to share it RIGHT with you.

The White Sands Missile Training Range Bataan Memorial Death March Memorial Marathon was held on Saint Patrick's Day this year. I put my green beer on ice, as I decided that this marathon would be one of the most important "races" I would "run."

I did it not only to meet the REAL heroes, the survivors. But I also did it to see if I could do it. I now realize I REALLY did it to prove to my children that even though your don't want to do certain things in life, you have to suck it up and do it anyway.

And hell, you might even surprise yourself in the end.

Leading up to the race - I wasn’t as nervous as I thought. People asked me about my thoughts and if I was prepared but I didn’t have any words. I really didn’t have a goal time, I just wanted to survive.

I really didn’t “train” persay for it and I really didn’t know what to look forward to. I know so many badass people who didn’t make the walk. Granted they went in military boots and wearing heavy rucks - but I wasn’t the nervous I am accustomed to.

It was a “will I make it?” Kinda feeling.

I luckily eased conversation with a friend who would be doing it as well into “would you want a walking partner.” And luckily she said yes. I didn’t want her to feel like she HAD to so I had asked what her goal was & when she said to see the survivors and finish... I knew I could ask if she wouldn’t mind a tag along.

As the days ticked by, our two man “team” turned into four of the most awesome people. But honestly, Team RWB Eagles showed up from around the country and we had THE BEST showing of support out there.

I was so ready to get sunburned and sweating my butt off, but it snowed the day prior to race day.

Like what the what?!

Now I had to rethink how I was going to pack my bag. I originally only was going to pack water, socks, sun screen, and my hat with a few snacks. Now I was packing gloves, a knit hat, my jacket... etc. I was freaking out.

I wanted to run/walk the course but now my pack was fluffier and heavier.

Thanks Mother Nature.

In the end, I carried way more than I really needed to. I had a first aid kit, mole skin, more socks and snacks then needed, but I guess better to have and not need than not have and need?

I had heard so much about meeting the survivors of the real death march so I was so excited to see these heroes. I wait through the ceremony and when the canon went off we began to shuffle out the gates, but no survivors.

I was incredibly disappointed.

I wanted to shake their hands and I wanted to thank them. But no survivor was to be seen. As we were herded down the road, I did pass a few wounded veterans as well as meeting them again further down the trail. But no Bataan survivors to thank, the whole reason why I wanted to do this memorial challenge.

We hit the dirt path and my frustration melted away knowing that I had a long journey ahead of me and I was still doing this for all the fallen heroes who can’t any longer. Our four man, makeshift team was in good spirits.

The sun was beginning to hit the horizon and the colors painted the sky orange, red and purple. The jagged mountains in the background were gorgeous with the early morning sun hitting them and the snow capes tips glistening. It truly was a sight and I kept kicking myself for not bringing my REAL camera.

Shit - I was carrying everything else in my bag, why no my big camera? My iPhone was going to have to do.

We continued up and down the dirt pathway. Sharing stories and laughs. We jogged a little. We walked a little. We didn’t have a goal to hit, we just wanted to complete the challenge. We passed an amputee and we were silent as we had just been complaining about our knees hurting.

We stopped at many water/aide stations to grab snacks, water, gatorade, use the bathroom and rest just a tad. The asphalt up a long, gradual hill nearly claimed my motivation, especially since my team were “angry walking” faster and faster! Haha! I’m a slow walker - that’s for sure. But then a man with a speaker playing 90s music danced up next to us and gave me my motivation back.

Yes - I screenshot the watermarked image. Thank you Marathon Foto, you guys are
some of the real MVPs of the day.

We climbed higher and higher, turning back into a dirt path and the snow became more present.

 

The yellow, desert poppies were in full bloom, popping up out the snow covered desert. A Blackhawk (medical) flew over by and wondered why my ride left me behind - I kid.

I’m a sucker for aircraft!

The Border Patrol on their horses looked so majestic in the poppy fields.

It’s amazing the people who came out (voluntold or not) to ensure our safety. The Border Patrol, the Soldiers/airmen, the military police and the many others I didn’t recognize. The volunteers at the water/aide stations were amazing, Smiling and cheering us on even tho I was one of 30,000 people they’ve seen and would see throughout the day.

When we hit mile 14, a water station with burgers and dancing volunteers continued to cheer us on. People stopped to enjoy food but we didn’t. We weren’t feeling food - but I did stop to change my socks. The first time since I started.

One tip I was given by many Bataan finishers was bring lots of socks. I packed 6 and had plans on changing them often... but only changed at mile 14 and honestly - didn’t need to. But I was also wearing trail running shoes and not boots. Which, I believe, saved my feet. I did have a few hotspots on the ball of my left foot so, it’s possible the sock changed saved it from becoming anything more.

Mile 17 crept on us and my heart began to pound. Only once before did I ever walk more than 17 miles. And it was 18 miles. For the army. In uniform and boots. With a pack on my back. It was for the German Armed Forces Badge that I so desperately wanted to get silver in.

We hit mile 18 and we continued on. The unknown was ahead of me. Would I make the entire 26.2 miles (and a tad more)? I had no clue. I hadn’t ever walked further than 18 miles in my entire life. I never wanted to. I mean who actually WANTS to? A marathon was never in the books for me. Never on a check list. Never had crossed my mind.

But I made it to mile 19 - and get this, my feet didn’t fall off. Mile 20, mile 22.... I was still moving. I hurt. But I was still moving. By this point we weren’t running anymore. We had hit loose sand and my mind began to play tricks on me. My back hurt. My knees were aching and my buddy and I had stopped talking. It was getting hot - despite the snow we had seen higher up.

The loop of trail and sand heading back to the asphalt hill just seemed to last forever. We kept playing leapfrog with another pair of walkers and we’d share a few words of humor or anguish...then continue on our way.

At mile 23, we finally hit the asphalt again and it was all downhill back to the finish line - now remember, my GPS tracking watch had died at mile 10. I was purely going off of the signage and my partner’s watch. She said mile 23 and all I kept telling myself was just a 5k to go.

Just the Fort Bliss parade field loop left (where I run with my stroller pushing momma friends).

Mile 24 seemed to last forever as we caught up with some of the half marathon wounded warriors, but was very humbling. Here I am, complaining about my back and my knees hurting and aching - and a hero who’s lost two legs in combat is walking thru the sand with his team because he can no longer pedal his hand crank bike. His team members steadied him as he slowly and wobbly took each step by step thru the sand.

His service dog ran ahead of us, living the life in the gorgeous day. She was smiling, tongue dangling as she ensured the trail ahead was clear for her best friend.

Mile 25 finally appeared and my partner forced encouraged me to run the final mile. She was ahead of me and continued to push me to the finish line.

And then I heard it, “There’s mom!” “Go SHARI!”

My family was waiting for me at the finish line. Camera in hand, cheering me on. I heard my name a few other places as I ran the final distance to the line.

My teammates (Team RWB), my friends and my family all get credit for getting me to that finish line.

At the end, I was congratulated by a medal. Something I didn’t think I was going to get. In the past, no medals were given to the finishers. It wasn’t about the medal - it was about honoring the heroes’ who endured hell. But today, they gave medals to all of us finishers.

And guys, I couldn’t even put it on my neck for at least 30 minutes. It felt heavy - not only in weight but in doubt of ownership.

Bataan (the REAL Bataan) has so much disparity tied to it. Many American and Philippino soldiers died as they walked miles upon miles - not knowing when they’d finish. Not knowing where they were headed (evidently to another prisoner of war camp).

They didn’t know what awaited them.

They endured harassment, abuse, and illness trying not to be the one who was too slow and end up being shot to death.

I at least knew it was 26 miles. I knew I’d get a beer and burger at the end. I knew I’d be going home at the end.

This is what it's about, a true survivor finishing the honor half marathon memoriam walk.

I finally put the medal around my neck. I felt proud to have accomplish my longest run/hike ever. I felt love as my family congratulated me. I felt good. I didn’t have blisters. I had made it.

I came in at 7 hours and 3 minutes. I finish 218 out of 976 finishers. Just to bring light of the difficulty and the difference between participant and finisher ... we started off with 1236 in my category. (There were 8688 total participants this year)

Yeah.

Is it something I'll do again?

Nope.

But I did it. And I whole-heartedly encourage anyone to attempt the march as well: it’s humbling. It’s exciting. It’s a gorgeous trail. And it’s satisfying.

Do it.

But be prepared. I definitely packed way too much stuff. But I’m glad I had the stuff than not to have it.

I had packed 6 extra socks and used 1. I had packed a first aide kit, but didn’t need it. I brought lots of snacks but only ate my gummy energy blocks. I packed hydration and energy tablets - and used one. I had a scarf, head wrap thing and never had to use it to protect me from wind or dust - but it came in hand protecting my neck from the sun.

If you've never done a half marathon before, I highly encourage you to do so before tackling this monster of a challenge ... and most definitely run miles on dirt/sand/gravel. Go for a hike up some trails that have elevation changes. Run hills ... this is one thing I absolutely hate but wish I had done. Be prepared for weather changes ... so train in shorts/pants/capris/hats/gloves/tanks etc. One huge rule for all runners is that you train as you race. Don't change up anything race day.

Most of all, find people who will support you along the way. Whether it was an early morning text from a friend saying, "You've got this!" or "Breath, you'll do fine." To a walk/run buddy to chat with. There was the camaraderie of my Team RWB and of course, my family and supporters waiting for me at the finish line. 

You really can't succeed this challenge without support.

Even though this wasn't on my bucket list, it is now scribbled onto it and SCRATCHED out. Because I'm never doing another Marathon again! 

What is something you said you'd never do, but did and ended up learning from it??

Oh, and if you're wondering - yes, us Irish folk did get our St. Paddy's Day beers and celebrated the holiday in good old fashion glory ... at the bar. 

Playground Quickie | Werkit Out Wednesday

You guys hear me say it all the time. You don't need fancy equipment to make a workout happen. 

Shit, you don't even need a sitter! 

(but it would be nice i'mma right?!)

It warp speed ... I kid. But seriously, here's a 20 minute workout in a few seconds.

I ran to the nearby park with my two youngest kiddos and did this as one napped in her stroller and the other played.

15 standing pull-ups using playground equipement

20 step-ups (10 each leg) using playground stairs (or bench)

10 elevated push-ups using bench

25 v-ups using bench

20 bicycle crunches

Repeat 3 times

Get out there and Werkit Out Peeps!!!

As always, I am not a trained exercise coach. I am not a doctor. I assume no liability to any injuries you may endure. You should seek medical advice if you are planning on starting a new exercise regiment. I'm just here to show you there are options to get in a workout while being a busy mom. 

Here we go again | PCS take 2 | My Hot Mess

As y’all may remember from my other recent PCS post, HERE, we are months from heading back to Fort Bragg, NC.

We are months from starting ALL OVER again.

Okay, I’m being a little melodramatic. I mean, we aren’t starting ALL over again. We did live there before.

FOR 12 YEARS.

So I mean, we have that going for us. BUT we did sell our home. So we’ve been in the process of finding a new home. Of course, we know the area and we are using the same trustworthy realtor that sold our home to find us a new home.

But shit y’all, shopping for a home across the country BLOWS!

We are using the app ZILLOW to look through homes. We did the same thing when we moved to Fort Bliss, Texas to find our rental home. It’s a great app - if the sellers’ realtor spends the extra moola to have a professional take pics of their home! I mean - that’s really how we’ve decided in the past where we were going to live in El Paso because when you’re deciding between a home that has “meh” pictures and a home that has outstanding photos detailing all the good in the home - of course you’re going to pick the better photographed home!

I guess I’m close to this matter anyway, being a photographer myself and having friends who photograph homes for a living. But I mean, come on guys! If you’re selling/renting a home and your realtor/home manager doesn’t hire a professional photographer - find yourself another realtor.

Okay, off my soapbox - main point of this post is that trusting the realtor you’re working with is crucial. Our realtor, Amethyst, has walked us through every process. And lemme tell ya ... we've had a lot of dumb questions. She’s a military spouse as well and understands our struggles and the current market. Not to mention, has a great network of people around Fayetteville that take care of her clients. We felt it when we were sellers and now feeling it again as buyers.

Yes, this is a little plug for her but also a little lesson in PCSing and buying a new home. Granted, we've only sold one house and in the process of buying our second one. I know others have WAY more experience at this. But I have heard some horrid stories about not being able to find housing once getting into town - both on post or off. (At any installation - no one specifically). Large families staying in hotels for weeks upon months...animals being kenneled for long periods because temporary housing wouldn’t allow etc.

I knew that I wanted to come to a home the second we got in town. That's what we did coming to El Paso, that's what I wanted to do again. We spent 5 days in a hotel in Fayetteville because we had sold our home but we couldn't leave for a few days with our three pets (our children were luckily with grandparents) when we were coming to El Paso - and it was cramped and not fun. Could you imagine a family of 5 with two (our cat died while in Texas) animals in a hotel?!?!

No thank you.

Using Zillow, we’ve been able to browse many houses in the area(s) we preferred and bid on one - unfortunately as perfect as it was, we lost the bid. Like it was perfect y’all. Lol.

It was disappointing for obvious reasons but also because our realtor was amazing in setting up quick house tours for us and videoing her walk thru. Like - how amazing is that?! She took the time to walk thru the homes for us and not only give her opinion of the house but to video it for us so we could see the state of it right at the moment. Giving today’s technology - this is crucial. Again, trusting your realtor and knowing he/she will work for you to ensure you get what you want is CRUCIAL!

But we got back in and searched newly released homes and bid on another - after much anxiety. We are currently under contract for it - YAY!!! So fingers crossed everything goes well and we will be homeowners once more.

I’m excited to be able to have an address to forward mail, to change billing info to, to fill out in school applications, to make cute mailing stamps with, and all the other change of address things that need to happen.

Another tip I suggest is having someone you trust who lives in the city (if you have that luxury) to set up an appointment to walk thru the home as well. I have a friend here who had her sister walk thru a home before they put an offer in. I will probably try to fly out to walk thru the home before closing BUT if I can't, I'll be sweet talking some of my friends out there to help a sister out!

VA Loans ... I'm not the subject matter expert here. But all I can tell you a this moment is, your realtor SHOULD be able to dumb down the process to get you to the right lender to get everything settled. You shouldn't have to do anything except submit the proper paperwork for your credit to be scanned and wait for a lender to accept. Running credit is always scary ... at least it is to me and I have fairly good credit. I always wonder what the lender is thinking when they see bank accounts cross by and they're like ... "that's ALL they have in savings?" or "They think they can buy a $200K house on that income?" haha! I'd love to be a fly on the wall.

Put into considerations as well, even though the house we are under contract for isn't exactly what we wanted, it is pretty damn near close. AND we kept telling ourselves - it's not our forever home. I think military families ... and families that move a lot in general for work or other reasons - think this often. I mean, you just need a place to live in and tolerate for the time you're going to be working at said location. You want to be comfy, you want to have luxury, and you don't want to hate the home you're living in for 2-5 years.

I believe looking for a home that isn't your forever home is much easier. I already pity the realtor who is going to help us find/build our forever home ... wherever that may be. (We still haven't figured out where we want to retire .... LOL ) I'm a picky so-and-so and my husband requires certain amenities and well ... we want a diamond studded mansion on a Ramen dinner budget.

Happy PCS season ya'll and here's to finding the home you're dreaming of for this adventure.

Tis the Season | My Hot Mess

Guys, we knew the day was going to come.

I mean, at least THIS time, we knew.

Learning that we were PCSing last time was a shocker. We weren't expecting it because well, Fort Bragg is the only place - LITERALLY THE ONLY PLACE - my husband can be stationed due to his job. So when we found out he was going to become a recruiter and move to El Paso. We were shocked. (read about our first PCS here)

However, this time.

We were ready.

Or at least - expecting it.

I don't think anyone can truly be ready to pack up all their stuff, children and lives and move somewhere. There's always going to be that "oh shit" stage, the "we've got this" stage, and the "Welp, here's goes nothing" stage.

Luckily for us, we knew we would be back at Bragg, because as mentioned above. It's the only place we can go. So we know where we went to live. We know what schools we want the children to go to. We have friends there already and we know our way around the city.

For all you guys who got to different places every three years, you are rock stars. You truly are.

My husband got his order about 3 weeks ago. In hand. I mean, that's amazing. We didn't get order until 4 weeks before we were TO MOVE last time.

So we have the date we must be back at Bragg ... so right now I think I'm in the pre-oh shit stage. Meaning, I know what I have to do ... but meh, I've got 4 months.

I know that's not the right answer, but that's where I'm at. Give me about three weeks and I'll probably get to the "Oh Shit" stage ramped up 7 times because then I'll be freaking out getting all the stuff ready for movers to come.

Even though this will be our second time PCSing, I still feel like I have no clue what to do or how to prepare. I did print off a check list in which I got from an awesome Etsy shop (you can see HERE) again and will be putting together our PCS binder once more.

I will be starting to de-clutter and getting ready for a makeshift garage sell again. I will be forcing helping my kids go through their toys and stuff again and I will be pepping the rental for return.

But that time has yet to come for me. I mean, I am a procrastinator and trying to limit my stress y'all.

I dunno how this will go this time, but I will be sure to keep you posted on our PCS adventures once more!

Hang on to your knickers ladies and gents .... it's going to be chaotic and one hot mess.

I CAN guarantee that!

Don't Reinvent the Wheel | "Werkit" Out Wednesday

I’m not afraid to admit that sometimes when I need to work out and it need to be a QUICK workout, I go to Pinterest.

There’s all kinds of cool pins that deal with workouts that hit certain parts of your body. Why reinvent the wheel to make your own??

Here’s one that I did. (HERE)

I needed the workout to be real quick. I can't remember why I needed it to be fast ... but I assume it was because my life is chaotic and the kiddos were crazy and I just needed it  to be quick.

Really don't need a reason I suppose!

So, the littles and I did a quick run and then I looked up on Pinterest and scored this awesome workout score work out.

The children did not want to cooperate at all.

They were all over the place running around and jumping on me (basically, being themselves). 

I grabbed a toy for the little girl to kind of chill and play with. My son played on his bike for a little bit. He also worked out his core with me for a little bit. 

But mostly he just bugged his little sister. There was a lot of "don’t do this," "don’t do that," "stop that," "don’t touch her," or "leave her alone," and "why did you take that" and so on and on. 

However, I got my workout on. It was a beautiful day. AND the kids got to see me trying to stay healthy.

Hopefully, this will encourage you and my children to just do it. 

Even if you steal borrow a workout from someone else!

A Picture Doesn't Lie | "Werkit" Out Wednesday

I have a confession to make guys.

I don’t see the point of eating healthy and working out regularly.

I mean, if I'm working out I feel like I should be able to eat anything I want.

Makes sense right?

However, I'm getting - ahem -  older and it’s much harder to work off the food that I've just inhaled.

AKA - cookies, hamburgers, tamales, tacos, cake ... I could go on and on. 

My pants weren't fitting like they used to and I knew I had to do something about it.

I decided to do a two month challenge with a group of people who shared the same goals as I did, including my husband.

And you know what? It wasn't horrible. 

It was nice because I wasn’t the only one being held accountable for what I consumed. I had to be held accountable to my group because we wanted to win. We weren’t winning anything personally for ourselves - meaning money for us. We were actually going to be winning the right to choose which charity we wanted our "buy-in" money to go to.

Not only were we helping ourselves get healthier, we were also helping a charity of our choice. 

If I cheated on a meal or I cheated on a work out, it wasn't just me I was cheating on but the entire group as well. And that appeared to be the consensus throughout the group.

I suggest getting with a group and try to earn towards a goal together. Especially if you really, really, really want to meet your goal. 

Anyway, we had to take pictures every week to show the scale number and also pictures of our body. It was not a pretty sight because I couldn't look at myself, let alone show others what I looked like. My body has been so stretched over the years that it is really hard to be proud of what the body can do. It truly is amazing that three children were MADE inside me and I'm so proud of that. 

Confession - Though, a part of me will always grimace at the sight of the stretch marks or the sagging skin. (I'm really working towards loving myself the way I am.)

Let me tell you though, taking pictures every so often to show your progress is what everyone needs to do to visually see what is happening to your body. It's not all about the number on the scale!

I told my coach that I wanted one of those awesome before-and-after pictures that I see all the time on TV or through health groups. Even though my change wasn’t significant within those two months of the challenge, I could see a difference and that’s what kind of pumped me up. 

I ended up losing quite a few inches around my waist and some pounds. I was (and still am) pretty proud of myself. I was proud of my husband. I was proud of my team. We had all done really well. (even though we didn't win)

What really got me was when a Facebook memory showed up. It was a picture of me holding my six week baby girl at one of my recent workout groups. Yes, I had just been cleared to workout and yes, I just had a baby. But I quickly scrolled over to another recent picture of me at one of my running group meetups. The change was amazing.

It was crazy. I could see the difference. I was rounder in the before and I had defiantly thinned out in the more recent image. 

The weekly pictures from the challenge showed my slow progress. But the year difference photo showed my success!

Take your progress pics guys. It will pump you up! 

A picture doesn't lie!