In Need of a Momma Moment | Raising the Boys

Guys, it's been a rough few months. 

I mean R.O.U.G.H.

I was starting to think that life was going to get a little easier for our family. We welcomed a little girl into this family of chaos - thinking - HOPING she'd bring a little calm into it.

We love the hell out of her. The boys treat her like a princess. My heart is full.

But it doesn't erase all the chaos. It really does add to it.

The ADHD doesn't magically disappear. The Autism doesn't fade away into nothing. The high pitched tantrums don't quiet down. The pushing, the shoving, the bickering, the big brother/little brother struggle just continues.

You think you have it all together one moment. You're juggling the stroller in one hand with the wiggling baby on the other hip. The boys are standing next to you and not arguing and everyone is smiling.

The next second, the middle boy is body slamming the older boy. The baby now is in full blown arched back, scream crying and the older boy now has the middle boy in a head lock ... in front of your acquaintances whom you wish would become close friends but know you'll never have a Thelma and Louis type of friendship because ... well...

Your children.

Wait what?

You're blaming your children?

Yeah. Maybe. Maybe I am.

I feel like no one really, truly understands what goes on in my household. I try so hard to keep a smile on my face and pretend like like I'm strong and will never give up. I confine to one or two of my friends but I still get the feeling they still don't understand. If there was a hidden camera in my household, I'd either be locked up or have a really amazing, six figured contract deal for a reality TV show.

But all I want right now is a proud momma moment. I just want one of those moments when the kid(s) does something so amazing that I can say, "I'm so proud of him." "I'd like to bragg on my boy(s) for a minute."

You start to notice you aren't getting invited to playdates anymore. You start to notice that eye contact doesn't happen very much any more in your social group. Jealously kicks in when pictures on social media pop up of people you think are amazing and you THOUGHT you were getting close ... but really ... you're not. Because, well - you're not in the picture of that fun outing. Nope. You're stuck at home because you think the world is against you.

I thought I was going to be this amazing mom. I was going to be crafty, cool, someone to confine in, and just all around awesome. But reality came a-knocking ... I'm a hot mess.

I'm so tired of complaining about my children. I don't know how you happy, peppy, look on the brighter side moms do it. I seriously look up to you so much. I strive to be like you. I try so, so, so hard to be like you. I want to be in the "in-crowd." I want to be the mom that meets up with the other moms at school drop off and shoot the shit about what we did as a group that past weekend.

Instead, I push the double stroller up to the door, smile politely, wait for the door to open and hurriedly hug my hyper boy goodbye as he hops happily into the school. I share pleasantries as I push the stroller back home and wallow in my miseries as I munch on snacks, edit a photo or two for my business, do some social media posts and call it "marketing" and then get the baby ready to pick up the boys from school ... continuing to pretend that our family isn't a complete sham on social media.

I know what we see on social media and most of the time out in public isn't the whole story. No, not every family is smiling and getting along. No, not every mom has it together. No, not every child is perfectly behaved all the time. I get it. But why do we not share the horrible moments? Why don't we come together to share what a shitty day we had or the horrible tantrum that was thrown. Or the bottle of wine you picked up on the hectic grocery run just to help take off the stress? The little bit of whiskey we throw in our morning coffee to help us through the day. Or the chocolate we have hidden in a locked case above our closet. Or the chips we silently (as much as we can) crunch in the back room to drown out the arguing in the front room.

We all want that proud momma moment to have other moms and parents to be like "oh damn, she's got her shit together." That's why we only share the "good moments" on social media (the majority of us at least). And when we few share the hard times, we get ridiculed by other moms. "Why would you share that?" "Why would you boast about that?" "You know, you really shouldn't say things like that." "Can you believe that's how she handled that?"

And that's why people only want to share the things they did "right" -- according to society that is ...

I'm ready to show my proud momma moment ... whenever it comes ... hopefully ....

How do y'all look to the brighter side? How do you continue trucking on when motherhood just seems to be sucking? I'd love to hear how y'all manage not going crazy.

I Lost My Toddler | Raising the Boys

Never in a million years would I have thought he'd actually run away.

Nope.

He's thrown body-gone-limp tantrums before in which I just let go and walk away.

But he's always came running back to me with tears in his eyes.

He's crossed his arms and stopped walking in front of toy/candy stores and I've kept walking proclaiming, "Bye then."

But he's always yelled after me, "No! Don't leave me!"

He's.

Always.

Come. 

Back.

The other day at the shopping mall was a different story.

My husband and I walked out of our Target just like any other time we had and our toddler asked, "Can I go play?"

There's a bunch of those moving kiddie rides that cost an arm and a leg to just rock back and forth in front of Target, but inside an actual shopping mall. We agreed, like we normally do but said, "just 5 minutes."

We don't put coins in the rides, but he enjoys them the same. And sometimes, just sometimes, he hops in on other people's rides and we have to act embarrassed and say, "No no no, you can't just get in there!"

But he did that too many times on this particular day and so we cut his time short. Needless to say, the toddler was not happy about that and made it clear. He cried and stomped his feet but I had his arm and we headed towards the exit.

He went limp on me.

I let go of his arm.

He laid there on the ground, crying.

I began to walk away, my husband turned his back with me and we both said, "Okay, Bye!"

We walked about 8-10 feet away, I stopped turned around and my toddler was no longer on the ground.

In fact, I couldn't see him anywhere.

I looked at my husband, "He's gone."

"What?" my husband asked looking around.

We both walked back to the rides and searched in and around them. We walked behind the rides a little to see if ran the opposite direction.

Nope.

We walked back towards the exit to see if he had just ran by and we didn't see him.

Nope.

An older gentleman cleared his throat, "He ran that way." He pointed towards Target's entrance.

I got my husband's attention and we both went into Target again.

No Toddler to be found.

I walked back out while my husband walked further into Target. A younger woman was paying attention to our semi-panic and was moving her head around trying to look for my toddler too.

"He ran into the Target and went that way," she pointed to the right in which would've been in front of the cashiers' lines and the customer service area of Target. So, I went back into Target and walked the whole line from one exit to the other searching for my Toddler.

Surprisingly, my heart wasn't in a panic yet. I was fairly confident I would find him. I know my Toddler. He always comes back.

He ALWAYS comes back.

I reached the other exit and still had no toddler.

This is when my hands started to shake. I walked out the second exit, the one that is also close to the shopping center exit that leads to a huge parking lot to the left ...

Suddenly I heard, "You don't know where your mommy is?"

I looked to my right and there was my Toddler -pouty face, arms crossed, eyebrows furred.

A woman was trying to get information out of my toddler and stranger danger came into effect. I was briskly walking in the opposite direction of the shopping mall exit and I exclaimed, "I'm right here!"

The woman sighed a sigh of relief and walked into Target as my toddler ran to me ... but hesitantly.

He knew he was in the wrong.

I asked, "Why did you run away? You know you're not supposed to leave mommy."

I sat him down on the red bench and reached for my cell to inform my husband that I had found him.

"I'm very upset with you," I said to my toddler.

My toddler cried and wanted to get off the bench. But I informed him that it was a timeout. I explained that the lady was nice enough to try to help him but there are other people who could have taken him away for ever.

Was it the right technique? Meh. I dunno. But I was pretty upset, and so was my husband.

I'm hoping that my toddler learned a lesson. I know I did ... I can't just walk away anymore. He's getting more and more independent by the day and I know what he was thinking.

The Target cashiers are parallel to the shopping center hallway, so he was going to just cut us off at the shopping center exit but go through the Target area. He didn't expect us to stop and turn around. I mean, he's little toddler brain doesn't know that the hallway and the cashier lines are about a tenth of a mile long and there's no way mom and dad would NOT turn around to check on their baby. Luckily though, he says he didn't go outside the automatic doors that led to the parking lot. That was my fear... that he'd gone out there and my little baby would've been totally exposed to anyone.

And thank God for his crankiness when it comes to adults talking to him. Normally I get embarrassed of his crass looks and sharp tongue to strangers ... but that day, I'm thankful (even if the lady was just trying to help him) he took stranger danger seriously.

I do not want to lose my toddler again ... unless he's 18 and ready to move out of my house.

12 Days with the Damn Elf | Raising the Boys

Please tell me I'm not the only one that dreads this damn thing. I mean, it started out as fun and cute for my eldest. He was acting up in school, saw the Elf at Barnes & Noble ... thought it'd scare the shit out of him ... Bought it. And Ta-da! End of misbehaving right?

Nope. Not even close.

This damn guy has been on strike due to behavior, has went back to the North Pole and threatened not to come back, he's given writing assignments and he's been chewed up by the dogs ...

He's given secret missions for the kids to spread kindness, and he's made them go out and find things for exercise ...

Given them crafts to make for loved ones ... told them that they're special ....

Shit, he's even portrayed a favorite book character to get them to behave.

And yet? Nothing. The kids aren't scared of this guy. They enjoy waking up to see what sorta thing he's been up to during he night. And to be honest, I don't even think my eldest believes he's moving by himself any more.

I purposely didn't have him show up after Thanksgiving this year ... why? Because I'm running out of ideas to do with this guy! We've done Ninja, Minecraft, Star Wars, Spiderman, Harry Potter, This Day In History, Crafts, Threats, Daring Feats, Silly Mischief, Camera Fun ... I even hand cut damn snowflakes into Star Wars characters! What more does a mom have to do to make their kids happy?

Apparently keep up the charade of this damn elf going back and forth to the North Pole every night to tattle on the kiddos to Santa - the big boss. And my creativeness is just going to have to rely on Pinterest and Google searches! Good luck out there parents! If you get an Elf on the Shelf ... be prepared! And if you wanna follow our elf, Raheem, every holiday season ... check out my photography Facebook Page and my Pinterest!

God Speed!

Toddler from Hell | Raising the Boys

You ever go to  a doctor's appointment and leave thinking, "Well that was the most pointless appointment in the world?"

Yeah, that just happened.

Let me set the scene:

4am - toddler wakes up and does NOT ... like NOPE ... want to go back to bed. 

415am - said toddler goes into brother's room "Pst! PST! You 'wake?"

430am - I hear said toddler shuffle up to my bed.

433am - I drag said toddler back into his room, him crying, and place him back in bed with a book.

5am - said toddler is quiet.

530am - said toddler is awake again, trying to get brother's attention

545am - both boys are awake and playing in brother's room

6am - (normal time to wake up for school but because we have a doctor's appt, we really don't have to be up until 645am) Big brother is bored and wants to go in front room.

605am - Me, "NO! stay in your room and be quiet!"

610am - Big brother, "but I'm hungry!"

615am - Boys are giggling in brother's room, and I don't care. Just as long as I get to sleep a little longer.

630am - Big brother, "Mom ... Mom ..."     Me, "go away. do you want me to be grumpy?"

635am - toddler screams, I get up and the chaos begins.

640am-715am - brother needs to dress, eat, take meds, clean the mess he and his brother made. Toddler needs fed, dressed and he too needs to pick up his room that he and his brother messed up. I am making snacks for the road trip.

725am - we get in car. head the 20 mins to hospital. But traffic occurs and I take the gateway instead, but that wasn't any quicker as EVERYONE was on the gateway because the highway was backed up. But not as bad as the gateway, so I should've just stayed behind the huge semi carrying 5 billion cars.

750am - I'm about 10 minutes away, and that's good because the appointment is in 10 mins.

758am - enter the hospital entrance just to be called out of the gate entrance for a "random" inspection. I express my frustrations to the MPs, they check the car after I open all doors, the trunk and the hood, and look up the insurance on the phone mobily. (if that's a word)

805am - enter hospital garage.

810am - walk down stairs because elevator is too slow. Enter hospital.

810am-818am - wander around the "first floor" trying to find said doctor office only to find out the floor we entered on (ground level) is actually level 3. So we go down one set of stairs ... wander, then another set (because we didn't know it was level three until we went down the first set of stairs. 

818am - finally get into the doctor office 18 minutes late. He takes us straight in. 

You'd think the story ends there. 

Welp. It doesn't.

Now, my eldest (who has ADHD) has been having other physical issues due to either his meds, diet, mental, .... whatever. So this appointment was to talk to a nutritionist about his diet. I thought it was a good idea and was referred to it by the regular medical doctor as an option.

I mean, if this doc can give some insight to what's going on with my eldest, shit, I'll take the advice.

All throughout the appointment, the doc only spoke to me. My eldest complained he was bored (even though he brought TWO Harry Potter books to read). The toddler touched every single piece of equipment the doctor had.

Every time I corrected the toddler, the toddler would scream. And not like a little shrill, no. Like a full blown scream that rattled the ear drums.

I gave in and gave the phone to the toddler to play games or watch movies. But nope, he kept pushing buttons that messed up the game or stopped the movie. Eldest would "try to help" but in reality he'd just play the game while his little brother screamed because he wanted the phone back.

After about 10 minutes of this, I took the phone away. Thus adding more screams, tears, and tantrums.

The doctor talked to me about proper nutrition, what he should and shouldn't be eating.

And that was it. I was out of the office within 15 minutes.

Guys.

I've heard this schpill 5 billion times already by the other 8 doctors my eldest has seen. The medical doctor. The psychiatrist. The psychologist. The behavior therapist. The GI. The nurse that took the blood pressure .... I mean. What was the point of this appointment?

I thought maybe it was to start a food diary. Or make a meal plan. Or do weekly check ins about meals.

SOMETHING.

But no, that was it.

All that stress, and I don't feel any closer to a solution than I did when I first started this journey. And really, my son didn't need to miss school for this. I had to wait a month to see this doctor, take the kid outta school, and for what? Nothing.

Because of the move, this "issue" that my son has been having has had to restart with everything because each doctor doesn't want to call up the other to ask about progress or what has been going on to deter the issue already. I have offered phone numbers multiple times. Each wants to make their own diagnostic and be the hero.

When in reality, all I want is a solution.

Shit. It took 2 flipping months for my son to finally get prescribed the ADHD meds he needs to focus in school. In which he's been going to school without meds because .... ahem ... military healthcare insurance is great because it's "free" BUT it takes flipping forever to get anything accomplished.

Sigh.

I want to pull my hair out.

I want to go to bed, pull the sheets over my head, and go to sleep ...

for like a MONTH.

Sleeping Beauty had it right. I should prick my finger on the sewing machine I'm pulling out today to make the kids Halloween costumes and fall into a slumber for a month.

Shit, I'll take 10 hours. 

I'll put a note taped to my forehead to my husband that says, "don't kiss me awake until Oct 1."

That'd be the life huh?

But then I'd miss all the giggles, all the hugs and kisses. All the important moments in growing up and all the love they share with me.

It truly is, a catch 20.

Good luck y'all ... and remember there's always chocolate.