Strong-willed Child: Blessing or Curse? | Raising the Boys

I mean we don’t want to raise pushovers right? We don’t want to raise followers. But we also don’t want to raise assholes.

It’s not all about them but how much do we teach them to serve others? Type a personalities go places but they also raise hell (and not always the good hell).

Then you add a toddler’s brain to the mix where they can’t fully explain their emotions or frustrations and what do you get? Meltdowns. Tantrums. Hitting. Growling. Not being able to socialize with other strong willed children-separation. How do you find a balance?


No, seriously. I'm asking you.

My toddler (well, technically preschooler now) has been pushing all the buttons lately. I know he wants to find his indolence. I know he can fully communicate what he wants and doesn't want. I know he is tired of adults telling him what to do and what not to do. 

I get it. I really do.

But how the hell do I tell him it's cool to be the class leader, but then turn around and say "but take turns."

My poor child. 

Today at tumbling, he wanted to be the line leader. Coach told him to let someone else be the leader and to try being second.

He didn't like that. He left the gym floor and came in to the parent room. I asked him if he didn't want to participate any more and he told me his dilemma. I was frank, "If you don't want to take turns, let's go home."

He didn't like that either. So he decided to give it another try. 

Everything was going well. He even got to jump on the trampoline first. After his turn, he sat down like he was supposed to.

Crisscross-apple sauce.

The other child that he was butting heads with about being leader - another strong-willed child. Came up after his turn, pushed my son to the side (so he could be first to get sticker). 

My son didn't like that. 

He retaliated. 

He open handedly punched the other child in the stomach.

I watched the whole ordeal from the parent window.

So did the other child's mother. 

We both exchanged looks, shook our heads, gathered up our gear and retrieved our boys.

No - pushing is not tolerated.

No - hitting is not tolerated ... 

But how do you explain that to two four years olds who want to rule the world one day?

How?!

All I want to do is raise polite boys that respect each other and others around them. I want them to tolerate those they can't stand and to stand up for what they believe in. I want them to check facts before arguing and I want them to have their own opinions. I want them to be president if they so care to. I want them to be the leaders of the world, not the followers that mindlessly walk the earth.

Where the hell is the user manual on this kid!?!

I Lost My Toddler | Raising the Boys

Never in a million years would I have thought he'd actually run away.

Nope.

He's thrown body-gone-limp tantrums before in which I just let go and walk away.

But he's always came running back to me with tears in his eyes.

He's crossed his arms and stopped walking in front of toy/candy stores and I've kept walking proclaiming, "Bye then."

But he's always yelled after me, "No! Don't leave me!"

He's.

Always.

Come. 

Back.

The other day at the shopping mall was a different story.

My husband and I walked out of our Target just like any other time we had and our toddler asked, "Can I go play?"

There's a bunch of those moving kiddie rides that cost an arm and a leg to just rock back and forth in front of Target, but inside an actual shopping mall. We agreed, like we normally do but said, "just 5 minutes."

We don't put coins in the rides, but he enjoys them the same. And sometimes, just sometimes, he hops in on other people's rides and we have to act embarrassed and say, "No no no, you can't just get in there!"

But he did that too many times on this particular day and so we cut his time short. Needless to say, the toddler was not happy about that and made it clear. He cried and stomped his feet but I had his arm and we headed towards the exit.

He went limp on me.

I let go of his arm.

He laid there on the ground, crying.

I began to walk away, my husband turned his back with me and we both said, "Okay, Bye!"

We walked about 8-10 feet away, I stopped turned around and my toddler was no longer on the ground.

In fact, I couldn't see him anywhere.

I looked at my husband, "He's gone."

"What?" my husband asked looking around.

We both walked back to the rides and searched in and around them. We walked behind the rides a little to see if ran the opposite direction.

Nope.

We walked back towards the exit to see if he had just ran by and we didn't see him.

Nope.

An older gentleman cleared his throat, "He ran that way." He pointed towards Target's entrance.

I got my husband's attention and we both went into Target again.

No Toddler to be found.

I walked back out while my husband walked further into Target. A younger woman was paying attention to our semi-panic and was moving her head around trying to look for my toddler too.

"He ran into the Target and went that way," she pointed to the right in which would've been in front of the cashiers' lines and the customer service area of Target. So, I went back into Target and walked the whole line from one exit to the other searching for my Toddler.

Surprisingly, my heart wasn't in a panic yet. I was fairly confident I would find him. I know my Toddler. He always comes back.

He ALWAYS comes back.

I reached the other exit and still had no toddler.

This is when my hands started to shake. I walked out the second exit, the one that is also close to the shopping center exit that leads to a huge parking lot to the left ...

Suddenly I heard, "You don't know where your mommy is?"

I looked to my right and there was my Toddler -pouty face, arms crossed, eyebrows furred.

A woman was trying to get information out of my toddler and stranger danger came into effect. I was briskly walking in the opposite direction of the shopping mall exit and I exclaimed, "I'm right here!"

The woman sighed a sigh of relief and walked into Target as my toddler ran to me ... but hesitantly.

He knew he was in the wrong.

I asked, "Why did you run away? You know you're not supposed to leave mommy."

I sat him down on the red bench and reached for my cell to inform my husband that I had found him.

"I'm very upset with you," I said to my toddler.

My toddler cried and wanted to get off the bench. But I informed him that it was a timeout. I explained that the lady was nice enough to try to help him but there are other people who could have taken him away for ever.

Was it the right technique? Meh. I dunno. But I was pretty upset, and so was my husband.

I'm hoping that my toddler learned a lesson. I know I did ... I can't just walk away anymore. He's getting more and more independent by the day and I know what he was thinking.

The Target cashiers are parallel to the shopping center hallway, so he was going to just cut us off at the shopping center exit but go through the Target area. He didn't expect us to stop and turn around. I mean, he's little toddler brain doesn't know that the hallway and the cashier lines are about a tenth of a mile long and there's no way mom and dad would NOT turn around to check on their baby. Luckily though, he says he didn't go outside the automatic doors that led to the parking lot. That was my fear... that he'd gone out there and my little baby would've been totally exposed to anyone.

And thank God for his crankiness when it comes to adults talking to him. Normally I get embarrassed of his crass looks and sharp tongue to strangers ... but that day, I'm thankful (even if the lady was just trying to help him) he took stranger danger seriously.

I do not want to lose my toddler again ... unless he's 18 and ready to move out of my house.

I Ain't Ashamed | Girl Boss

Guys.

I work from home.

I have a toddler.

Sometimes, you gotta do what you gotta do to get shit done.

After all, you're STILL running a business.

When you know your raging toddler is tired but won't take a nap because he's a

"Big Boy Now."

I mean, you even turned his crib into toddler bed. So, I guess he's right.

Right?

Nope, because this sweet baby boy is being a monster right now and I gotta get work done.

So whats a work-at-home-mom to do?

Grab the BINKY 

the Night-Night

get into the CAR

set the satellite radio to "SPA"

and DRIVE.

Not three minutes ....

THREE MINUTES

down the highway and he's snoring.

Yep.

The plan was to drive to Starbucks and hopefully he'd fall asleep somewhere in between ... if I had to drive to New Mexico, I would have. But he fell asleep much quicker.

But I was STILL going to get my Starbucks.

After all ... he DID wake up at 4:30am.

Sweet success.

I ain't ashamed.

Good luck out there Boss Moms!

You've got this!

Toddler from Hell | Raising the Boys

You ever go to  a doctor's appointment and leave thinking, "Well that was the most pointless appointment in the world?"

Yeah, that just happened.

Let me set the scene:

4am - toddler wakes up and does NOT ... like NOPE ... want to go back to bed. 

415am - said toddler goes into brother's room "Pst! PST! You 'wake?"

430am - I hear said toddler shuffle up to my bed.

433am - I drag said toddler back into his room, him crying, and place him back in bed with a book.

5am - said toddler is quiet.

530am - said toddler is awake again, trying to get brother's attention

545am - both boys are awake and playing in brother's room

6am - (normal time to wake up for school but because we have a doctor's appt, we really don't have to be up until 645am) Big brother is bored and wants to go in front room.

605am - Me, "NO! stay in your room and be quiet!"

610am - Big brother, "but I'm hungry!"

615am - Boys are giggling in brother's room, and I don't care. Just as long as I get to sleep a little longer.

630am - Big brother, "Mom ... Mom ..."     Me, "go away. do you want me to be grumpy?"

635am - toddler screams, I get up and the chaos begins.

640am-715am - brother needs to dress, eat, take meds, clean the mess he and his brother made. Toddler needs fed, dressed and he too needs to pick up his room that he and his brother messed up. I am making snacks for the road trip.

725am - we get in car. head the 20 mins to hospital. But traffic occurs and I take the gateway instead, but that wasn't any quicker as EVERYONE was on the gateway because the highway was backed up. But not as bad as the gateway, so I should've just stayed behind the huge semi carrying 5 billion cars.

750am - I'm about 10 minutes away, and that's good because the appointment is in 10 mins.

758am - enter the hospital entrance just to be called out of the gate entrance for a "random" inspection. I express my frustrations to the MPs, they check the car after I open all doors, the trunk and the hood, and look up the insurance on the phone mobily. (if that's a word)

805am - enter hospital garage.

810am - walk down stairs because elevator is too slow. Enter hospital.

810am-818am - wander around the "first floor" trying to find said doctor office only to find out the floor we entered on (ground level) is actually level 3. So we go down one set of stairs ... wander, then another set (because we didn't know it was level three until we went down the first set of stairs. 

818am - finally get into the doctor office 18 minutes late. He takes us straight in. 

You'd think the story ends there. 

Welp. It doesn't.

Now, my eldest (who has ADHD) has been having other physical issues due to either his meds, diet, mental, .... whatever. So this appointment was to talk to a nutritionist about his diet. I thought it was a good idea and was referred to it by the regular medical doctor as an option.

I mean, if this doc can give some insight to what's going on with my eldest, shit, I'll take the advice.

All throughout the appointment, the doc only spoke to me. My eldest complained he was bored (even though he brought TWO Harry Potter books to read). The toddler touched every single piece of equipment the doctor had.

Every time I corrected the toddler, the toddler would scream. And not like a little shrill, no. Like a full blown scream that rattled the ear drums.

I gave in and gave the phone to the toddler to play games or watch movies. But nope, he kept pushing buttons that messed up the game or stopped the movie. Eldest would "try to help" but in reality he'd just play the game while his little brother screamed because he wanted the phone back.

After about 10 minutes of this, I took the phone away. Thus adding more screams, tears, and tantrums.

The doctor talked to me about proper nutrition, what he should and shouldn't be eating.

And that was it. I was out of the office within 15 minutes.

Guys.

I've heard this schpill 5 billion times already by the other 8 doctors my eldest has seen. The medical doctor. The psychiatrist. The psychologist. The behavior therapist. The GI. The nurse that took the blood pressure .... I mean. What was the point of this appointment?

I thought maybe it was to start a food diary. Or make a meal plan. Or do weekly check ins about meals.

SOMETHING.

But no, that was it.

All that stress, and I don't feel any closer to a solution than I did when I first started this journey. And really, my son didn't need to miss school for this. I had to wait a month to see this doctor, take the kid outta school, and for what? Nothing.

Because of the move, this "issue" that my son has been having has had to restart with everything because each doctor doesn't want to call up the other to ask about progress or what has been going on to deter the issue already. I have offered phone numbers multiple times. Each wants to make their own diagnostic and be the hero.

When in reality, all I want is a solution.

Shit. It took 2 flipping months for my son to finally get prescribed the ADHD meds he needs to focus in school. In which he's been going to school without meds because .... ahem ... military healthcare insurance is great because it's "free" BUT it takes flipping forever to get anything accomplished.

Sigh.

I want to pull my hair out.

I want to go to bed, pull the sheets over my head, and go to sleep ...

for like a MONTH.

Sleeping Beauty had it right. I should prick my finger on the sewing machine I'm pulling out today to make the kids Halloween costumes and fall into a slumber for a month.

Shit, I'll take 10 hours. 

I'll put a note taped to my forehead to my husband that says, "don't kiss me awake until Oct 1."

That'd be the life huh?

But then I'd miss all the giggles, all the hugs and kisses. All the important moments in growing up and all the love they share with me.

It truly is, a catch 20.

Good luck y'all ... and remember there's always chocolate.