I Lost My Toddler | Raising the Boys

Never in a million years would I have thought he'd actually run away.

Nope.

He's thrown body-gone-limp tantrums before in which I just let go and walk away.

But he's always came running back to me with tears in his eyes.

He's crossed his arms and stopped walking in front of toy/candy stores and I've kept walking proclaiming, "Bye then."

But he's always yelled after me, "No! Don't leave me!"

He's.

Always.

Come. 

Back.

The other day at the shopping mall was a different story.

My husband and I walked out of our Target just like any other time we had and our toddler asked, "Can I go play?"

There's a bunch of those moving kiddie rides that cost an arm and a leg to just rock back and forth in front of Target, but inside an actual shopping mall. We agreed, like we normally do but said, "just 5 minutes."

We don't put coins in the rides, but he enjoys them the same. And sometimes, just sometimes, he hops in on other people's rides and we have to act embarrassed and say, "No no no, you can't just get in there!"

But he did that too many times on this particular day and so we cut his time short. Needless to say, the toddler was not happy about that and made it clear. He cried and stomped his feet but I had his arm and we headed towards the exit.

He went limp on me.

I let go of his arm.

He laid there on the ground, crying.

I began to walk away, my husband turned his back with me and we both said, "Okay, Bye!"

We walked about 8-10 feet away, I stopped turned around and my toddler was no longer on the ground.

In fact, I couldn't see him anywhere.

I looked at my husband, "He's gone."

"What?" my husband asked looking around.

We both walked back to the rides and searched in and around them. We walked behind the rides a little to see if ran the opposite direction.

Nope.

We walked back towards the exit to see if he had just ran by and we didn't see him.

Nope.

An older gentleman cleared his throat, "He ran that way." He pointed towards Target's entrance.

I got my husband's attention and we both went into Target again.

No Toddler to be found.

I walked back out while my husband walked further into Target. A younger woman was paying attention to our semi-panic and was moving her head around trying to look for my toddler too.

"He ran into the Target and went that way," she pointed to the right in which would've been in front of the cashiers' lines and the customer service area of Target. So, I went back into Target and walked the whole line from one exit to the other searching for my Toddler.

Surprisingly, my heart wasn't in a panic yet. I was fairly confident I would find him. I know my Toddler. He always comes back.

He ALWAYS comes back.

I reached the other exit and still had no toddler.

This is when my hands started to shake. I walked out the second exit, the one that is also close to the shopping center exit that leads to a huge parking lot to the left ...

Suddenly I heard, "You don't know where your mommy is?"

I looked to my right and there was my Toddler -pouty face, arms crossed, eyebrows furred.

A woman was trying to get information out of my toddler and stranger danger came into effect. I was briskly walking in the opposite direction of the shopping mall exit and I exclaimed, "I'm right here!"

The woman sighed a sigh of relief and walked into Target as my toddler ran to me ... but hesitantly.

He knew he was in the wrong.

I asked, "Why did you run away? You know you're not supposed to leave mommy."

I sat him down on the red bench and reached for my cell to inform my husband that I had found him.

"I'm very upset with you," I said to my toddler.

My toddler cried and wanted to get off the bench. But I informed him that it was a timeout. I explained that the lady was nice enough to try to help him but there are other people who could have taken him away for ever.

Was it the right technique? Meh. I dunno. But I was pretty upset, and so was my husband.

I'm hoping that my toddler learned a lesson. I know I did ... I can't just walk away anymore. He's getting more and more independent by the day and I know what he was thinking.

The Target cashiers are parallel to the shopping center hallway, so he was going to just cut us off at the shopping center exit but go through the Target area. He didn't expect us to stop and turn around. I mean, he's little toddler brain doesn't know that the hallway and the cashier lines are about a tenth of a mile long and there's no way mom and dad would NOT turn around to check on their baby. Luckily though, he says he didn't go outside the automatic doors that led to the parking lot. That was my fear... that he'd gone out there and my little baby would've been totally exposed to anyone.

And thank God for his crankiness when it comes to adults talking to him. Normally I get embarrassed of his crass looks and sharp tongue to strangers ... but that day, I'm thankful (even if the lady was just trying to help him) he took stranger danger seriously.

I do not want to lose my toddler again ... unless he's 18 and ready to move out of my house.

Playground Band Workout | 'Werkit' Out Wednesday

I've been lazy ... like, not moving lazy, just lazy to DRIVE to my workout. LOL

So I decided to do some band training ... and this is what I did while the littlest ran around the playground.

It was about 20 min workout with interruptions from my "Power Ranger" ... I did each exercise three times.

Chest Press - using a tree

Overhead Extension - using a tree

Tricep Press - using a tree

Fitted Leg Extension (quad) - using bench

Standing Side Leg Extension - using bench

I have no clue if I used the proper terms for these things, but with my 3 mile walk, I got a good workout in! And wow, those shorts are not doing a THING for my body confidence! haha! (FYI - I'm also just about 6 months pregnant!)

Disclaimer:  I am not a doctor or health coach or any one qualified to tell you what you can and can't do with your body. You are the judge of how each exercise feels. If it hurts, don't do it. If you get hurt  doing an exercise I suggest, it's ultimately your decision to try the workout. I just offer suggestions to stay moving.

Pregnancy Workout | "Werkit" Out Wednesday

Surprise! Guys, I'm pregnant.

I haven't really announced that to you here, but I suppose I have mentioned here and there in my blog.

Well -- here's a pregnancy workout for you to do at home if you are expecting as well. ALSO, this is good for those of you who AREN'T pregnant. These are safe body weight and elastic band workouts!

You can find Source HERE

The pictures below are from the "Friday" exercise from above I also added the arm workouts with the bands. I also added a side crunch for those nasty love handles that are spreading ... lol

                                   Reverse Lunge                                            Band Bicep Curl

Modified plank leg lift

                             Hammer Curls with Band                                Curtsy Lunge

Side Crunch with Kettle Bell (15 on Each side)

Shoulder Press Up with Band (15 times)

See? And I didn't even have to leave my garage! Let me know how this workout worked for you!
Disclaimer:  I am not a doctor or health coach or any one qualified to tell you what you can and can't do with your body. You are the judge of how each exercise feels. If it hurts, don't do it. If you get hurt  doing an exercise I suggest, it's ultimately your decision to try the workout. I just offer suggestions to stay moving.

Where'd My Happy Go? | My Hot Mess

Lemme explain something:

I'm happy. I really, truly am.

BUT --

It has been a while since I've really, truly FELT happy.

I've had many moments throughout these past few months after the move that I've felt happiness.

I've made friends, no one super close, but we haven't even been here a year yet - so I'm good with what I have thus far. I work out with them, I hang out with them, the kids enjoy each other; so they're friends for sure.

The house has been fine, nothing perfect, but nothing horrible. The pictures are hung and they make me smile as I move from room to room. The dogs have claimed their shaded spots in the yard, and even the cat had been more friendly.

My husband's job is stressful, but fulfilling. He has made a relationship with his coworkers and he's part of the Team RWB softball team. -- which I have become heavily affiliated with. I'm the community engagement director (community service) for our city's group.

The boys enjoy horseback riding, golf and tumbling. School is hectic, and well ... to be honest, that hasn't brought me any kind of happiness, BUT my eldest has made friends there.

My business is going. Nothing spectacular but again, I've only been in business here 9 months ... what do you expect.

We are expecting baby #3 in the Fall and we couldn't be any more excited. Will it be another crazy boy or will we get to buy bows and ribbons??

So, on the outside, everything seems to be falling into place. I SHOULD be happy. I SHOULD know where my happy is.

But guys, I don't know where I put it. I've lost it somewhere between the move, school trouble, family stress, personal doubt, and of course - appearing to have it all together. FYI - I don't.

I thought yoga was my start to finding my happy again, and it a way, it has. However, my free place to practice has now changed to a place 45 mins away (an hour with traffic) and once you get there, parking is a bitch and by the time I get to yoga - I'm so stressed out, that the session is just a bust. I haven't been in about a month and a half. Why don't I do it at home? Psh.... you try finding your happy with a 3 year old running around!

I've also really dug into essential oils. I've relying heavily on lavender to calm me and others to purify my home. I joke that I need a practicing Wiccan (or a priest) to come purify my home ... but I think there is some sense of truth behind my jokes. I had a friend volunteer to "smudge" my home. I need to hit her up and have her do that ASAP.

I have even looked into the healing "powers" of stones/gems. Guys ... I'm not a hippie-dippie  person. I'm not. And when yogi's start chanting and bringing out the drums ... I start to giggle. But guys, I'm willing to try anything to find my happy again.

A friend (check her out HERE) started making lava rock/bead bracelets that you can drop essential oils on and what not. Not only are they gorgeous but she also took a suggestion of mine and used howlite beads (for anxiety and calmness) and of course, chakra beads! ... I'm wearing the shit outta her bracelets. I think I'm going to buy up all her stock ... every other day I'm asking her for another sized bracelet! I got three for me, one for my eldest and one for my husband.

Dammit, we are going to find our happy. 

I don't believe I'm in a depressed state of mind, I think its just the stress of raising a defiant child, chasing a toddler, growing a baby, loving a husband ... and still making dinner. I mean, I guess every one still has to eat! ;)

Like I said, there have been moments of joy and happiness, but for some reason, it doesn't stick around. I need that sucker to stop disappearing on me! Where'd I put that super glue?

How do you find your happy? How do you keep it?

Knowing Your Business | Girl Boss

Guys, being your own boss is amazing. 

I'm not going to lie.

But it also sucks.

You always have to answer to yourself. You always have to hold yourself accountable. You always blame yourself when monies aren't looking right. You always get angry at yourself when things go awry. There's no one else to blame but YOURSELF.

I'm in a creative business. I'm a photographer. There's a lot of heart that goes into my services that I provide and I take a lot of pride in that.

When someone insults my work (with not legit reason) or how I run things, I take it hard. I don't let it break me, but it does make me want to rethink how I do things.

HOWEVER -- 

When this happens to me, its very few and far. So, that being said - the majority of my clients (the clients I want to keep coming back to me) love my work and how I run my business. I have a ton of positive feedback that proves this. Shit, I've been in business for five years now. I'm reaching that goal mark in my business plan that allows me to say, "I've made it longer than most self-employed business owners."

And I can honestly say, my work speaks for itself. I recently had a message that bothered me and I made a Facebook rant ... I know, I know -- girl stop the drama. But I want y'all to know this and take this into perspective - no matter what sort of business you have:

I'm just gonna put this out there, you can grab it or you can turn away:

When you buy something online, you HAVE to pay the full price for it to get shipped to you. You HAVE to rely on the fact that the pictures speak for themselves and that the company you are ordering from is legit. It may or may not fit. It may or may not be the right color. It may or may not be what you wanted, but you had to pay the full price. You read over the return policy (or not) but either way, the company is not going to say, "Oh sure! Pay half now and half when you get your product." Because of course, you (or other consumers) will definitely pay the rest of the payment once you have the product in hand and love it .... 

Same thing goes for photographers people. No, I'm not going to let you put some money down for a photo session "just in case you don't like the images." What an insult to my work. You are paying for a service, and I will be giving you that service whether you like the images or not. But more than likely, you're going to love that service because I care about you. I want you to LOVE your images. I will ensure you're satisfied. So, I'm sorry -- if you don't want to pay up front, I'm not the photographer for you. I'm not afraid to say no, because this is my business and I'm proud of it.

 Guys, it's so hard to get people to understand the difference between paying more for a small business than paying less from a HUGE company. You're getting personalize service. I've written numerous "rants" on Facebook. And sometimes, you just need perspective:

It frustrates the hell out of me when people don't appreciate the time and love that goes into creating an image for them. If you simply just want someone to click the damn button, get your mom to do that or set a self timer. Don't question me why I am priced the way I am. It's called making a living and before you go pay $6 for a coffee, $150 for a pair of shoes, or $250 for a dress -- all from businesses that could care less if they got your money or not because they are already banking, think of the small businesses who take the time to personalize their service to Y.O.U. 

Small businesses don't just take your money and wave good bye, small businesses ensure that the money you are paying is for exactly what you want -- creative or not. They call you to make sure you got the gallery link, they ensure that everything makes sense when you ordering and even catch mistakes you may have made in the ordering process to ensure you're getting the best deal. They personally review every product you are to receive to ensure quality. They take time away from their own families to ensure your family gets the best and greatest. They sometimes check emails when they are technically aren't within business hours. They check their calendars to see if they could possibly squeeze you in even though they really just want to spend that time with their own family. They ensure you are completely satisfied and they hope you'll be a returning customer again and again. 

There's a lot a small business owner does for a client, don't question why they charge the way they do. Every number has been calculated to ensure cost of business, taxes, equipment costs and in hopes there will still be some left over for some sort of income. But really, a small business owner is running his or her own business because they love what the do. If you don't want to pay what a small business owner charges, then go somewhere else, but think before you question them on why they charge the way they do. 

If you want Walmart prices, you're going to get Walmart quality. If you like Walmart quality and service, continue to go to them and leave small business owners alone. There's no need to publicly question them in hopes of discrediting them.
thank you.

**steps off soap box**

I take everything to heart guys. I need you to be as proud and confident as I appear on Facebook to be. Yes, I still struggle with doubt and always think I could've done better. I still seek out compliments from people and I still wish I was "as good as so-and-so." BUT I think that's good. You always want to strive for better, because if you already think you're the best - there's no room for growth.

Girl Bosses out there - own your worth! You are worth every single penny! 

Stay true to yourselves ladies!

My Boy is a Mess, Literally | Raising the Boys

Guys, I know - I know... another post about the boys? 

Well YEAH.

When you have two boys and they pretty much consume your entire life ... most of my chaotic life is about them.

So suck it up.

I wanna talk about cleaning rooms. 

Who else has a fight with their child overtime it's "cleaning day?"

Yeah, we have a cleaning day because of all the fights we get into. Like, if it's not scheduled, all hell breaks loose. Like, it still does, but it's more like Hiroshima chaos instead of my life is over chaos.

Is there a difference? 

I suppose not, but at least I can use the argument, "You know it's Sunday and it's CLEANING DAY."

Guys, my eldest ... he could live in a pig-stye and not mind it one bit.

Not ONE bit.

Like, he will bitch and moan all day about cleaning his room ... eventually it'll get done -- like 5 days later, but it's somewhat picked up. I can at least see the floor.

Give him 5 minutes of "play time" and the room is wrecked again. I don't get it.

I'm not OCD in like everything has to be perfect ... I'm not super germaphobic, but I don't like clutter and there does come a point where I'll look at the kitchen sink and be like, "What in the F? This place is a disaster and we need to clean."

I have him do his own laundry because I'm tired of doing loads upon loads every weekend. He complains about folding the clothes. I told him to hang his clothes then ... NOPE. Where do they end up?

On the Ground.

Next to the dirty clothes ...

Then guess what? Now we don't know what's clean or dirty.

What in the actual hell?!

Also, his idea of cleaning is pushing all the crap/toys/paper/whatever to the corners of the room. Because, "mom, you can see the floor."

OH EM GEE.

Boy! This is not clean! it smells in here and if you were to vacuum right now, all your tiny legos would be sucked up. GET THIS ROOM CLEAN!

Now before y'all start offering up ideas on how to make this process simpler ... lemme tell you what we have tried:

1) A timer - we set a time limit for him to clean. If he completes it in time (properly) he gets a reward (extra outside time, a date night ...ect.) If he doesn't, okay that's fine we will continue on our day but he will not get any rewards or normal play time until it is cleaned.

2) A picture board - I actually took an hour and half and cleaned his room with him explaining exactly how I want it to look. I took pictures of everything. We made a chart that stated "This is how my room looks clean." So this is more of a visual cue of what a clean room looks like.

3) Saying "F - it" as long the toys are in the toy box and the clothes are hung, and I can see the floor -- it's clean. All he had to do was throw toys (unorganized) into boxes off the floor and hang his clothes. Oh, and ensure his bed is made (comforter neat with pillows piled nicely). That's IT!

4) Taking all his stuff away - He's complained that he has too much of a mess (meaning too much stuff), so I took everything away. All he had was his bed and clothes. But somehow, even THEN his room would be full of paper trash and the clothes all over the place. He could care less that he had no toys.

5) Forgetting about the mess - The therapist told us to "ignore the mess." Uh ... okay. So I just closed the door to his room. Two months later the mess was so unbearable, I went in and cleaned the shit up. So what did that teach him? If I wait long enough, mom will do it for me.

6) Threatened his life ... no not really ... but sorta. It just doesn't work. I don't ask for much. I just want it to be tidy. I wasn't a super clean child either and I remember arguing with my parents about my room ... but I cleaned it when told to do so. I just don't get it.

So after all that ... you guys have any other suggestions? I may or may not listen because frankly ... I've given up. I throw in the towel. I will forever be cleaning up after him and his spouse in the far future will be doing the same thing.

Poor poor soul.

Good luck out there peeps!

A Child's Worth is Challenged | Raising the Boys

So I’m going to confess something … I really don’t WANT to because I know I’ll get some backlash on this. Whether the backlash is said in public, behind a computer screen, or mumbled under your breath.

BUT

I feel like I NEED to confess this.

My eldest … my behavioral challenged son,  got suspended from school the other day because he brought a knife to school.

And not just a pocket knife, but a military grade knife.

Why you ask?

Because – and this is in his own words – he wanted to prove his worth to another child.

Yeah.

So --- This post is going to hit on three things here: the importance of teaching weapon safety, the importance to know a military child versus a civilian child, and child self esteem.

ONE – Obviously we agree with the school and the punishment and all that shit. I mean, I get it. It was a dumb thing my son did and luckily no one got hurt. And blah blah blah. I get it. To further his punishment, I made him write an essay on the importance of weapon safety and why we don’t bring weapons to school. He honestly didn’t think what he was doing was a bad choice. He just wanted to show off the knife. In the end, he cut himself. Not horribly, but he actually hurt himself in the process. So, really – he taught himself the importance of weapon safety.  He will read his essay to the princpals and his teacher – hopefully in front of the class so that he gets some “public shaming” peer-to-peer learning as well.

TWO – This leads me to the whole military child versus a civilian child. He brought to school a military grade knife. Not your typical Swiss Army Knife, but a knife that is longer than 6 inches and could do a lot of damage. If it had been about a half inch larger, he would have been expelled.

I get it. He shouldn’t have done this. I do, I really, truly understand why he was punished and that he F’d up. BUT – now hear me out, he’s the child of two military parents, two military grandparents, and 4 military great grandparents. It’s in his genes to not be normal when it comes to weapons.

Military child know about war. The hazards, the victims, the reason, and the allure. They make anything into guns, anything into knives, and anything becomes a bad guy versus good guy. Because that’s whats ingrained into their brains from birth. ESPECIALLY the military child of today. We have been at war for their entire lives. The chance of them having a parent or other family member at war is super ridiculous – even know the toll of multiple deployments. Face it civilian world, when a military child does anything – they’re going to do it to the fullest of MILITARY. So of course the kid he wanted to show off to had a smaller knife … he doesn’t have access to military grade knives! My child wanted to prove something and he did, “My knife is bigger (and cooler) than yours.”

THREE – Which brings me to conclude with a child’s self-esteem.  After our initial shock/anger of our sweet, 10 year old child bringing a weapon to school, things calmed down and I asked him why he did it. He shook his head and looked down at the ground. He had gotten caught with a knife that another student (rightfully so) told the teacher about and my son was going to be in really big trouble.

He eventually narc’d out another child who had brought a knife to school that day too – a child that my son seems to get into trouble with all the time. Who’s the bad influence here? I’m going to say the other child … because, well, I’m defending my child. LOL but that’s not the point. The point is, my son got teary-eyed and said, “[Child’s name] told me I meant nothing to him.”

Ouch.

I know right? My son continued to explain that this child is sometimes nice to him but most of the time he’s mean. I asked why he hangs out with this child then, and he shrugged his shoulders. Obviously, this child has some sort of power over my son, that my son will pretty much do anything for him. And I can relate.

Growing up, I had a “friend” who I would have done anything for just to get her to notice me or show my value to her. I get it. Friends are everything at this age. Children value their peer’s praise. They set their own worth on how others see them. And I don’t know how to fix that. I’ve, on multiple occasions, told my son how much he’s worth and the only person who can decide his worth is HIM.

But it’s not that easy is it?

How can we help our children see their worth? Our children are losing a battle right now. Society is changing so quickly and value/worth is seen through interaction with others  - and that is skewed because interaction with others sit behind computer screens now.  Children are committing suicide due to cyber-bullying. I mean, what the hell is wrong with our society right now?

Even though my son’s interaction with this other child was face to face and not over the internet, it was still very potent. Someone telling him he was nothing set into motion a series of events that lead to poor decisions on my son’s part. Luckily, no one was injured and hopefully we have taught him a lesson. But how dare that child say that.

And where do you think that child learned that? I’m not insinuating anything, but apparently, we (as parents/guardians) need to be better mentors to our children. They hear everything. They will mimic what they see. Be kind people … be kind.

And lock up your knives.